


Instinct to Survive

by Tamareka



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blood and Violence, Canon - Manga, Explicit Language, F/M, Family, Fights, Hurt/Comfort, Killing, Love/Hate, Strong Female Characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:55:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 46,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24180946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamareka/pseuds/Tamareka
Summary: After the Colossus Titan appeared in Trost District, you received the orders from the Commander of the Survey Corps to help them and undercover the truth.Will you be able to overcome your mistakes and shame from the past and help them? Will you be able to survive?
Relationships: Armin Arlert & Reader, Dot Pixis & Other(s), Eren Yeager & Reader, Erwin Smith & Reader, Hange Zoë & Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) & Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Mikasa Ackerman & Reader, Mike Zacharias & Reader, Original Female Character & Original Male Character, Survey Corps (Shingeki no Kyojin) & Reader
Comments: 13
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,  
> this story goes alongside the manga (not anime, so some things are a little bit different).  
> Please leave kudos and comments if you like it.  
> I'm not native english speaker, so please forgive me for any grammatical errors made.  
> I hope you will have fun.  
> Thank you

Rain. You hated rainy days so much. For you it was like if the sky was crying its heart out. You had enough of tears in your life. The rain was falling on your hidden figure as you were still waiting. But you were not cold, you didn’t shiver, your body is tensed as a bow with anticipation, but you’re yet still very calm. You’ve been waiting for this moment for at least a week, stalking your prey like a wild animal. Finally, after this, you will complete your mission. After all those weeks of investigating a rat finally appeared. A wagon stopped in front of a building and you smiled wickedly, because this is the rat that stole your cheese. But you are a cat, very hungry cat.

 _“Dinner…”_ you whisper to yourself.

Four men came from the building, carrying big boxes and started filling the wagon with them. At least seven big boxes, five smaller chests and a vault. Four men with a driver against you alone. Well it’s not nice, but you’re not going to play nice on them. At last they filled the wagon and secured it. You slowly sneaked closer to them.

“Is that all?!” asked driver.

“Yeah. Damn that was heavy!” answered one man from the bunch.

“But it will cost a pretty penny. And those freaks, who were flying with it can go kick a bucket!” second man was very well built and tall, this one would be difficult, maybe.

“Right! Those damn Survey Corps are waste of taxes! As you said freaks!”

You clenched your fists and bit your own tongue, because if not, they would discover you and the mission would be lost. But still, how dare they! Pigs!

“Hey! Rondo take the first watch. We’re going to have some drinks inside!”

“What? Why me first! Damn you, better get me something too!” protested Rondo but still took his place on guard.

Perfect chance for you. Silent as a cat you managed to get behind him and with a big strike, you knocked him down. Quickly took a rope and tied the wagon to the nearest tree. After that tied Rondo’s ankles and hands behind his back, but you didn’t expect that the big guy, who wanted to bring some drink to Rondo, would be so quickly back.

“Rondo! Here’s you damn drink!” it took him a little while to realize what was happening, you immediately ran and punched into his solar plexus, hard. He moaned loudly, fell on his knees but still somehow managed to grab your hand.

“I-Intruder! Hurry!” cracked from his throat. You gently took his head smiled and smacked his face against your knee. Then you jumped a little, turned in the air and with a brutal strength knocked him with your boot. Unconscious, he fell on the ground. But the rest of the bunch ran after you, they trapped you inside a circle and waited.

“Who are you?!” asked one of them.

You didn’t answer. You were thinking, observing their moves and calmness. Searching which one of them is the weakest one.

“I asked you something, wanker!”

You took the black cape off of your head and gave the man a horrible glance. Eyes full of terror, after your stare he inhaled sharply.

“You bitch!” he snapped at you and all three charged. You waited for his punch to come near to your face, moved your head on the right side so you grabbed his wrist, other hand went on his collar so you used his own weight to flip him over your shoulder. But one of those two took a knife on you. He cut your right side deeply, but you didn’t even flinch. Just grabbed his wrist and pressed backwards until you heard loud snap, then punched his face. The last guy punched straight onto your ribs. Hooked his elbow around your neck tightly. You easily kicked his knee with your heel. That caused him to lose his grip a little and you smacked your head backwards breaking his nose. Turning around you simply kicked him into his groin. Knocking him off as the rest, you turned to face the last man. After you broke his wrist he ran for the wagon, ready to fly away. But you only smiled because he missed the rope near the ground and stumbled over. When he turned around, he saw your dark gaze full of rage.

“NO! Please! I will tell you everything, just let me be!”

“So, you will cooperate?” after he heard your silken voice he smiled.

“Yes! Just don’t hurt me anymore!”

“Save your words for now. You will get a chance to speak! But cause I’m a freak, you are gonna sleep for now!” you ruthlessly kicked his nape, putting him down to sleep.

You stretched a little, huffing at the pain from your ribs and cut. Your shirt soaked with blood on your right side. Normally it would be easy for you to take down five men, but you were tired. So damn tired after tracking them for two days and night nonstop without any wink of sleep. You wanted to make it on time. Tomorrow was day D. Well you smiled, rather day B.

“Wait for me Erwin. This is your birthday present.” you smiled fully, tightening another strong knot around men limp bodies. You whistled and after a moment light brown horse appeared, waltzing to greet you.

“Hello boy! Missed me? I did miss you.” you patted him gently on his neck. “Stay here and watch over them please.” he nodded on acknowledgement.

You needed to stop the bleeding, so you stepped inside the building and took your shirt off. It wasn’t that bad and after you pressed a handkerchief on it, it almost stopped. After bandaging your middle, you went outside. Brown stallion was still patiently wating and watching after those morons. Sometimes he was acting more as a dog instead of a horse.

“Come buddy, time to go home.”

The other day, the sky was finally pure blue. Nicely warm day after the rainy one, clean and fresh air everywhere. You finally stopped the wagon near a building in town. Jumping off, you happily ran inside.

“Mire? You here?” behind small bar stood tall muscular but slim man with black hair, smiling broadly when he saw you.

“(F/N)! You’re back already!” stepping from behind the bar he patted your head and hugged you. You lightly hugged him back and nodded.

“Today’s Erwin’s birthday so I had to hurry, but it is done. Will you please watch after the wagon? I need to get changed and ready.”

“Sure thing.” he noticed your bloodied shirt. “(F/N), is it ok? Need medical care? I can take a look.” Mire said with a worried look.

“It’s ok. Just a scratch. I will be back soon. Thanks.” you hugged him again and ran upstairs to wash and change. Mire took care of the wagon and Rondo’s group, who were still complaining about been caught. And babbling about their innocence. As if!

Pleasantly refreshed, you dried your hair dry and ate some snack prepared for you. Mire collected your dirty clothes and packed them up with documents and reports about your mission. He knew you didn’t want to rest, even for a little while, you wanted to end this mission. On missions you never actually really slept or rested. First work, then rest and sleep, were your words.

“Guys…” said Mire with annoyed look when Rondo’s group haven’t stopped arguing. “Guys!” he said strongly but nothing, they were still shouting loudly at each other. “Assholes! Stop bitching around or Gods help me not to kill you all with my bare hands!! Understood!” he was tall as a mountain. He looked down at them with his annoyed and horrific gaze and they immediately stopped.

“I’m ready.” you appeared from behind a corner, dressed in beautiful puffy red under-knee skirt, white embroiled shirt with long sleeves tucked inside your shirt, showing your slim waist, black stocking and black hight heel shoes. On your shoulders, fine black undercoat. Your hair slightly puffy after drying and cheeks pink from the bath you took. You saw quick changes in those asshole's faces as they scanned you up and down with lust in their eyes.

“You wanna live?” roared Mire and his look got even more pissed and annoyed, “so stop staring, pigs!!”

You just smiled at him. Yes, you felt weird in those clothes, but you wanted to look representative and because you didn’t have your uniform with you, you had to wear civil clothes.

“You ride on my pall here. I’ll take the wagon.” you patted the horse and climbed on a rider’s seat on the wagon.

“Fine by me. Let’s go to the Military Headquarters.”

Commander’s day was very busy as always, but today he was tense, more than usual. In this week he had to deal with very difficult situations. After learning about titan shifting cadet and interrogating him, he somehow knew it was all trouble. But it was also a step closer to the truth. Why it never happened, until now? How to use this ability for mankind’s favour? This sort of thoughts buzzed in his head all morning and he had another meeting in short time with his squad leaders to figure out this not so small problem including young cadet’s well-being. And then there were you. He was looking out the window, standing in his office and after a moment a little smile appeared on his face. You were here.

In gates to the headquarters you baffled the officers with your look, handing them the papers, with Mire you proceeded through the courtyard. There were a lot of people pacing around, few guards and soldiers turning around after you. Behind the courtyard you could hear leaders screaming their morning drills on freshly new cadets and other soldiers. Little did you know than the man you wanted to avoid the most, was actually present at the headquarters as well. Mire jumped of off your horse and handed the reins to some random passing-by guard, then looked at you and took you under your armpits, lifted you and slowly put you on the ground.

“Fell like a princess.” you snorted and smiled.

“Of course, coz you’re one.” he ruffled your hair a little. Guards started to unpack the wagon and lead tied bodies of Rondo’s group inside. You took your bag with other documents and the vault.

“I’m going, come to me after this is done. You have the key?”

“Sure. I’m going to help a little, you know if number of the stolen gears fits and so on. I’ll find you after.” Mire smiled.

You elegantly walked your way through the corridors of the headquarters. You were back, but it didn’t feel like coming home at all. You’ve been working on missions and cases nonstop for almost three years now. Without stopping, after you finished mission, you immediately took another one. Because doing nothing would lead you to be thinking about things you didn’t want to. You finally reached Commander’s office and with light knock you paused. After voice allowed you to enter, you opened the door and closed it behind you.

“Hello Erwin. I’m bringing your birthday gifts as you could see from the window.” you paced near the table and put the vault and reports on the desk.

“Welcome home, (F/N). I see you’ve done your work. Rather earlier than expected.” he nodded.

“You know why. I wanted to help you, to get rid of one of your many problems. But I see that you have at least three another in your queue. Am I right?” you took your jacket from your shoulders. “About those asses who wanted to sold that gears, they will talk, no worries. And vault with copies and offers, here it is.” you pointed. Walked over his table you came closer to him.

“I know we’re not so sentimental, but care for a hug?” you smiled a little and opened your arms. He stood up, hugged you and smoothed your hair a little. “Happy birthday, dear Erwin.”

“Thank you. You are taller.”

“Tss, because of these shoes.”

Suddenly the door in the office slammed open and very pissed little figure waltzed inside, not bothering to knock or close the door.

“Erwin...!” his enthusiasm went rapidly off when he spotted you in Commander’s arms. You saw how the small man was trying to stay calm, face unchanged but you snorted. You knew he was pissed and shocked beyond measures.

“Thank you for coming Levi and for knocking.” sighed Commander sitting back on his chair. “Anything else? Wounds? Damages? Et cetera?”

You flinched and he saw it. “No. Everything is in the report. Mire is also here to help, he will give you his own reports.”

“Please sit Levi, this is going to take a while. Besides Hange and Mike are not here yet.” commented Erwin and took last sheet of your report and read only the end of it.

Levi clicked his tongue and smirked. But as Erwin offered, he sat down on a small sofa near the door. You didn’t even look at him. You just acted like he didn’t exist.

“So, you managed to collect all those stolen gears.”

“Yes, seven big boxes of gears. Three boxes full of blades and two filled with fuel bombs. Plus, the vault. Mire is checking the numbers in storage, if it really fits and has also a vault key.”

“And this John Largo?”

“He’s a prick calling himself a business man, pathetic. Just another rat from the Underground City.” after your statement Levi flinched a little.

He was still watching you, as you rested yourself on Erwin’s desk ignoring his entire being.

“He is really known in the Underground and also at black markets across the Walls. I managed to track him but someone warned him. He knows I’m after him, but doesn’t know why or who I’m, so it’s still clear.”

“I told you not to go in the Underground City.” Erwin frowned.

“You gave me job to do. So, I’ve done it.” you said. “Besides I’m behind it already. What is dead, is dead to me.” you slowly turned your head and snorted after Captain. 

Inside Levi blood started to boil. “Hey brat!” he stood up and slowly walked near you. “You’re saying I’m dead to you? Huh?”

You wanted to say yes. Yes! But you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You knew if you would say something to him, everything would start over again. You heard noises and footsteps from the corridor. You smiled, ignoring him.

“Really? She’s here already?! Yay! (F/N)! You’re here!” screamed Hange from the corridor. After she and Mike stepped inside the office you smiled widely.

“Hange!” you hugged her tightly totally forgetting about your wound. You huffed a little.

“You’re here, for how long? Will you stay at least for a while?” Hange eyed you carefully.

“I don’t know. Probably running away again, you know, hunting my prey.”

She stopped smiling. And looked at Erwin, then noticed Levi’s pissed and annoyed look. She sighed. “At least stay for a few days. Like you’re saying, work, rest and sleep.”

“You have me here for today, besides I need to show you something.” you smiled and really big tall blond with unrecognizable look patted your head.

“Aren’t you forgetting something little girl?” you only smiled and hugged tightly blond’s standing figure.

“I would never forget about you, my big guy.” he hugged you too and after a few seconds of sniffing his smile failed.

“You’re bleeding!” said Zacharias.

“Shit!” you stepped away and looked at your right side. No blood was visible on your shirt but the Hound had to tell everyone. Great!

“You’re hurt? How badly!?” Hange started immediately.

“I’m fine, really. Tiny scratch, it’s all.” Erwin took your bag and found your bloodied shirt from yesterday.

“Sure, a scratch.” he sighed.

“Stupid brat!” hissed Levi.

A light knock on the door took everyone from a trans. “Pardon the intrusion.”

“Mire Hoffer, come in.” Erwin nodded at him.

“Commander here are the exact numbers of gears which we brought here today, also with description of its status, if it’s able to be used or not. Those five men (F/N) arrested yesterday are down in the cell. But don’t let the Military police know they are here. If they will know, John Largo will realise it’s the Survey Corps, who’s after him. It would be better to keep it in the dark for a little while, so we can make a new plan on catching Largo. And the key is here.” Mire gave everything on Erwin’s table. “And (F/N) needs a medical care.”

“Mire. Shut it!”

“Stop complaining. That’s because you didn’t want me to look at it.” his face unchanged and calm. You had to smile, how easily he could say that in front of everyone and not to look scared or unsure. Mire actually never bothered himself with those things. When he wanted to say something, he said it. But he was also calm calculated and very nice person. But his rage and anger were somehow similar like the small Captain’s standing nearby. But Mire was nice caring person, Captain Levi not so much.

“Thank you, Hoffer. Very good job. About those five, you think the MP’s will spread the rumour about them in our captive?”

“Come on Erwin, you know how corrupted they are.” mocked Levi and looked at Mire with unsteady look. Mire glanced at him back just the same.

“That’s right. And what Captain is saying is correct. They will get this information through their connections and links to Largo soon enough. And he will dig himself in the Underground and it will be far more complicated to catch him.”

“Right. All for now. You have been a great help Hoffer. Thank you.”

“Always here to help you sir.” Mire smiled and walked away, stopping by your side.

“Let them treat you. And let them chain you to the bed, you need to sleep. This is your fourth day without any sleet or rest. Don’t be stupid, please.” looking at Hange she nods at him and he smiled. “Good. You know where to find me after this.” Mire patted your head gently and in a minute was gone from the office.

“So, tell me about your weird titan shifting cadet? What are you going to do?” you turned at Erwin.

“You know about this?”

“Of course, I know. Shame I didn’t see the trail with that young boy. But are you really going to put him under Captain Ackerman’s supervision? This boy will be so trembled.”

“How do you know?” everyone was shocked by your words. Yes, you just guessed, but you know Erwin’s head. It wasn’t that difficult to understand what he was thinking.

“You are in my head again? Good, at least you know about that. Yes, I think Levi can handle him. But the question is who will handle you?”

“Me? I myself. I don’t need a supervision on my missions.”

“Sure, four days without any sleep is a good example.” Hange finally said. “I will take her under my wings. She can help me with my research again and I missed her, so no worries.”

“I was thinking about putting her under Levi’s supervision as well.” Erwin chuckled.

“That would do more harm than good! Let me decide between Mike’s or Hange’s squad. You don’t have to put another problem on your head! Or better option, just give me another mission and I will be gone again! No me, no problem! Am I right? We still need to deal with Largo.”

“You will remain here for now. I won’t give you any other mission yet. Hoffer and his team can do it. You will be accountable to Levi and also be helping Hange with her work. Mike can use your help too if needed. Observe the situation around and try to find a way out of this problem. With answers on our questions.”

He really did it! No! What is he thinking, by putting this little man in your charge? Does he want all three Walls to fall?

“You’re saying that he’s responsible, fine. But I’m not his subordinate, I still have my rank. So, no shit from your side Captain Ackerman!” you were full of rage.

“Watch it brat!” he wanted to say something more but you stopped him.

“I have no interest in speaking with you, sir! If yes, I will address you! I’m going now. Anything else Commander?” you stood sharply in solider pose, saluting with one hand behind your back and other on your chest. He was watching you for a moment.

“No, you may go.” after this you storm out from the office.

“Really! Great! This is fucking great! Grrr!” pissed as ever you were walking towards medical wing. You hoped that Hange will find you there.

“Hey! Stop for a second. Or you will hurt yourself.” Mike grabbed your wrist.

“What?! I have every right to by pissed.” he just hummed. “So what? I know I’m acting like a child, but he really did the worst thing in that moment.”

“Just stay here and don’t go on another mission. We all are worried, you know. Even he is.”

“I will stop you here. He is not. For him a stopped existing three years ago. And I want it like that. It’s easier. But I missed you all as well.” you hugged him again.

“(F/N)!” Hange finally appeared. “Sweet, hugging. I wanna hug too again.” you pulled her in yours and Mikes arms.

“Oi you morons! Stop that.”

“You’re just jealous Levi. Wanna hug too?”

“Shut up shitty glasses.”

Hange just smiled. “Come on. Medical time.”

You didn’t expect all three of them to come along. You just wanted Hange to take a look at it.

“Do you have to be here? I’m still a lady.”

“Tss, I don’t see any lady here.” clicked Levi with his tongue and sat behind the desk.

And I can see only one man here! Stupid! You wanted to say it out loud, but you didn’t. You have to control yourself very carefully.

“Ok. What do we have here?”

“It’s just a small cut under my ribs. It doesn’t even need stitches? But it's still bleeding a guess.”

“Ok, lady’s here so gentlemen out.” Mike just grinned and waved you his bye. But Levi sat still.

“Captain here is no gentleman so you don’t have to bother Hange. I just can do this!” you quickly stood up and hid yourself behind hospital curtain.

“Watch your mouth brat.”

Hange just sighed. “Ok shirt and skirt down.” Hange took down the bandages and screamed. “No stiches needed? No stiches needed?! Are you crazy?! How can you be so reckless! I need to clean it and sew it!”

“Ok, I know I’m stupid but I wanted to be here on Erwin’s birthdays ok. And to see you, Mike and the rest before I go again.” you breathed heavily.” I guess it’s not happening now.”

“No. Not after this. What about those bruises and scratches on your legs and arms?”

“It’s old. From the Underground City. It’s worst and worst down there. I’ve been dealing with some nasty kidnappers. They wanted new meat for their show. Prostitution.” Hange stopped for a moment, looking at you in a worry. “Don’t worry. They never wanted some old ugly me. But me and Mire were outnumbered and I had to do something.”

“So, it was something stupidly good? Stay still now, gonna hurt.” you winced just a little.

“Yeah, but it saved both of us.”

“He seems like perfect guy. Good man, he likes you.” you smiled. She had to bring this topic in front of Levi, does she.

“He’s a perfect man. Every woman would want him. But I’m not every woman. And he’s still down from what happened two years ago. If it had never happened, he could be father of a perfect child and husband to a perfect girl.”

“What happened?”

“He and Nora had a bakery. Because he grew up in the Underground, he wanted to help those poor orphans down there. He started to give them bread for free. Told them to stick together and fight like he used to. People were not happy. So, they told the Military police about it. And they all drunk ran after him. Nora was I think in her fifth term. I saw her on the streets, arguing with some people. I helped her out but it was too late, they got inside their house and were causing trouble. Mire is a good fighter, but MP’s took Nora and threatened him about killing her. That Military pig! He was so drunk he didn’t even realise that he sliced her throat.”

The room was silent. Hange just finished her work on your stitches and bandaged your wound. You didn’t even notice because you saw your memories on that event right in front of you. 

“So, you’ve been helping one another since then? That’s good.”

“Yeah. We never lied to each other and always have been honest. And I like it. The way how it is between us.”

“Ok. Done. Eat something and don’t forget to rest and sleep properly. I will check on you later.”

“Thank you. I hope there’s a spare fine bed in girls’ dorm. Can I leave my junk in your room? I’ve been working on new equipment and it’s not ready yet. And how long it will take it to heal?”

“Sure. I can’t wait to see it. Be good for at least four days.”

“It’s healed now. Thank you.”

You stepped out from behind the curtain and noticed that Levi was gone. Good.

“You need to settle things down with him (F/N). I know you think he just forget about you, but he really does care. I also don’t really understand what exactly happened between you two, but talk to him.”

“I don’t think speaking would settle anything. Besides he was the one who told me to go. I went. He didn’t stop me. But he’s pissed because I’m back here. That’s the reason I don’t want him to see me. I don’t want to make it worse for him.”

“You are mad at him, but care for him even more. Well, that’s weird.”

“Yeah, I’m stupid enough to do that.”

You had no idea Levi was wating for you outside the room, he heard everything, but in the end he left. 

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

You wanted to take a look at the girls’ dorms, make a free bed yours and change into your uniform. Everything was just the same in this place. Training grounds, cafeteria, people here. Just the same but without your friends, they were all dead. You should be dead too. But you’re not. It was not your plan to leave the Corps, but after what happened you grew cold, distant and cruel. Just like Capitan but far worse. Sometimes even he was afraid of you. Erwin made a deal with Commander Pixis, that you will be dealing with secret missions. Destroying black markets, mafias and organized crimes inside the Walls. It suited you well in that time, you were not afraid because you were cold to other people. Only after what happened to Mire, you finally started to have feelings again.

You thought everyone will be in the dining hall for lunch. So, dorms will be empty for you. But you didn’t expect to find a girl tied to a chair.

“What happened?!” you paced to her side and untied her.

“Hello, pretty lady. My friends punished me for eating their share of breakfast. They tied me up so I can’t go for my lunch.” She had tears in her eyes.

“Is this some kind of a joke or what? What is your name?” you were confused.

“My name is Sasha Blouse. And I can’t help it, I’m always hungry and food is so good. And who are you?” you immediately smiled.

“My name is (F/N) and you know what, I will take you with me for a lunch. I will get changed and we can go. You can even eat half of my share.”

“REALLY? Thank you (F/N)!” she was sweet and full of happiness about food. “What happened to you?” now she seemed worried when she saw your bandaged side.

“Just a scratch. I’ve been away for a while, dealing with some businesses. After I heard what happened in Trost District I had to hurry and get back.”

You felt weird, you actually never opened up for no one. But Sasha had a calming effect on you somehow. Upon mentioning Trost District Sasha had eyes full of horror.

“Sorry, you were there, weren’t you?” she just nodded. You finally got dressed and walk closer to her. “Sasha, I know how hard is it to face death. How hard is it to lost someone but you have to tell yourself this. You are not a prey. You are a hunter and every time when you face those freaks, tell yourself that now is the time to hunt.” Her eyes were full of determination and hope. Your words gave her courage. That’s what you wanted to give her.

“Yes!”

“Good, now let’s eat!”

In dining hall, you waited in line and took your share of food. Sasha wanted you to meet her friends so you came to sit with her and the rest.

“Someone freed Sasha!” Connie announced and immediately made a room for her to sit and looked up at you. “Who are you?” 

“Brats, I’m here not even two hours and I found a soldier tied to a chair! Let’s make things clear ladies, this will not happen again! Or you will be my little play things next time!” your eyes were red and tension in the air turned heavy. They were frightened by you in this moment. Boys gulped heavily. “Clear?”

“Yes!” after that you looked at Sasha.

“And for you Sasha, stop stealing others food. Or I will be eating all your daily food and you will have to watch!” she nodded wildly. You just smiled. “It’s fine kids I’m not a demon or something so no worries. By the way my name is (F/N).”

“I swear you are more terrifying than Chief Instructor Shadis.” said Connie.

“Oi, stupid brat. What are doing?” came from behind you. They instantly froze and you just continued to eat. Watching their reactions. Hmm, they are still just kids really.

“Sasha. Here is your half.” you handed it to her and stood up.

“What do you think you’re doing. And stop ignoring me brat.” Levi took you under your collar and pulled your face closer. You also grabbed him under his collar and pulled him even closer so your noses were almost touching.

“Stop touching me! And walk away! I don’t care about any of your demands, sir!” you snapped.

His eyes widened. He took you behind back of your head and smashed his forehead into your nose. It started bleeding immediately, but you quickly untied his white cravat of off his neck and putted it under your nose. Still standing straight.

“My office now!” he barked at you and you just turned on the bunch of kids.

“Well, shame I have to go. See you guys later. Bye Sasha.” After that you and Levi vanished from the dining hall, letting people totally confused.

In his office you just sat yourself on the sofa, still saying nothing, trying to stop the bleeding. Tilting your head back you had to swallow the blood. He was watching you.

“Say something, I’m not going to start.”

“Why should I?” you asked completely calm. “Was that so bad to give her my food? You wanted it? Ok? You can keep it Capitan Ackerman, it’s all yours.”

“Stop playing, I got enough.”

“Erwin is gone, isn’t he.” your guess calmed him a little.

“Yes, he left after our meeting. But will be back soon.” you knew it, he left you here alone to deal with things on your own.

“Good. Thank you for informing me, sir.”

“I said stop playing (F/N)! Don’t you even remember my name?”

“If I remember correctly sir, last time I addressed you by your name, you told me that you never want to see me again. So? What you have on your mind?”

“Do you want me to apologise to you?”

“Gods please no! Shit. This is exactly why I don’t want to talk to you! This is going to be bothersome.”

“What do you want me to do then, huh?”

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. You stood up and wanted to open them.

“(F/N), I’m not finished with you yet!” but you opened them in a hurry.

Behind the doors stood little strawberry ginger haired girl, with some papers and very confused look.

“What is it Petra?” he asked nicely but still with annoyed look. What was that? The hell? On you he is like a hornet, but on her, wow a butterfly. You grinned.

“Capitan, I came to give you the reports and Hange wants to have you on the training grounds, sir.” 

Your grin just gone wider. “I’m off. You have your beauty here Capitan. So, enjoy your time together.” you pushed Petra inside the office and ran out slamming the door closed. Leaving yelling Levi with baffled and flushed Petra behind, running to meet Hange.

Still feeling slight twitching from your nose, you stopped and looked at Levi’s cravat. It turned all red and bloody. Fuck! Will I be even able to wash it? Never mind for now. Soon you found Hange on training grounds, far from everyone with your junk and unfinished equipment. Also, there were sheets of papers and your traveling diary.

“Hey. Need help somehow?”

“(F/N), who got your nose, huh?” you just grimaced. “Is it broken? Wait a sec.” she took your nose and returned it to its rightful place with small crack. “Here, emergency tape on that abrasion.” she put it on the bridge of your nose. “I can see your brain never stopped to improve. This designed equipment looks great but on a titan it’s useless.” she handed you your drawings.

“I know, but in my hunting time, that was perfect for me. Perfect to kill people or hunt them down.” she gave you weird look. “But this, this can be used every time you are in trouble.”

You pointed on one page. “It’s personal arm hook. That is that ‘stupidly good’ idea you commented. It works just the same as our hooks on OMD gear, still can shoot lower distance and doesn’t have any gas, but when is your gear broken or you are in any trouble, you can easily climb any tree or building. Even trees in the Titan forest.” you explained to her. “It would be better to have it on both hands, just to swing from one spot to another, there is a little wire mechanism even. But like I said, it’s not finished yet.” 

“Hmm. But still it’s great. And I have to ask you something. Please don’t be angry but I looked inside your traveling journal and found this.” Hange pointed on one specific page. You reread it and bolt jolted inside your spine.

_Pure titans without any intelligence, behaving on their pure animal instinct._

_Abnormal titans with abnormal behaviour show sights of intelligence._

_Can they speak? Do they talk to each other?_

Can they speak? You have been thinking about titans a lot because you are like Hange. Looking on things from different angle. They look just like humans, smile like humans, walk and so on. But why they can’t speak? Looking back at Hange, she was full of anticipation and you saw even a slight tremble.

“Hey four eyes. What do you want?” Levi broke the pregnant silence between you.

“Levi! Do you remember soldier Ilse Langnar?” she says in a hurry. And he only nods. “(F/N), we found her notebook. She was a member of the Survey Corps, but all her group was eaten by titans.”

“And what with that?” you and Levi asked in sync.

“Her notebook! She was writing every important thing and the last thing she wrote was about a talking titan!”

“What!? Show me!” you were stunned. She took black notebook from her pocket and you tore it from her hands impatiently.

This poor girl ran for her life while writing into her diary. About her squad members being eaten in front of her. Running north in the woods, she hoped to survive and with her 3DM gear broken, her situation was indeed dire.

_‘I’m trying to get back to the town, but my situation is dire.’_

But she was a fighter to her very end, proud member of the Survey Corps. However, she ran into a titan. Talking titan nonetheless.

_‘Ymir’s people’, ‘Ymir-sama’, ‘Great’._

It was bowing to her. And groaning? But still it said something. This was a proof to you that your way of thinking isn’t wrong. But for what cost. Handing notebook back to Hange.

“What a brave girl she was.” looking at the sky you tense for a moment. “About mine journal, I wrote this after one of my mission. One guy refused to talk and after kicking him almost senseless and breaking his jaw, I just asked myself, can titan speak, if this guy can’t? Just like that.”

“It just appeared on your mind, like that?” Levi asked one brow lifted at you.

“Yes. Well, think like this, if this titan managed to say a few words it had to be an abnormal titan. That’s the reason why I wrote this, pure titans no brain, so they are acting like that, on their pure animal instinct, but an abnormals are somehow smart, in their own way. So, I thought about it this way.”

“See, that’s my girl. That’s why I’m so glad to have you back!” jumped Hange.

“Yeah. That’s why I need to finish that personal arm hook! Hange, she could be alive! If I’ve had done my job on this equipment sooner, it could’ve saved her. She was even in a fucking forest. With her gear broken, she could still use this!” you pointed angrily on piece of equipment by Hange’s side.

“(F/N). It’s not like that. She died more than a year ago. It’s was only Levi and me finding her corpse and a diary few weeks ago.”

No! No, no. She died for nothing. You were not here year ago, not even two but for three years gone.

“I get in now.” you said with face holding no emotions, but only eyes full of guilt. “If I had never left, she could probably be alive.” you just took your journal back and left.

What a brave girl she was.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

The other day Capitan Levi and his team took young Eren to the former headquarters of the Scouting legion. You and Hange took all needed equipment and with her squad followed them. You haven’t said a word all day, you were still mad at yourself about Ilse and all. Mad and tired from lack of sleep. You knew very well that there was really small possibility for her being alive if you never left the Scouts. But even this small chance was there and you blamed yourself.

“I took all your, as you call it junk, so you can continue to work on it.” said Hange to you during the ride. Patting your horse's neck, you nodded.

You arrived at dark, placed your horses in the stable and took all equipment and gear needed. You found a small damaged barn. This will do. There was a large table, so you cleaned it and placed your junk and lantern on the table. From side bag you took out your tools for work. You just needed a chair. Finding your way back, inside the hall you heard Hange’s purring voice introducing herself. After opening the door all eyes were on you.

“Act like I’m not here.” you only said and walked for a chair. You could see Petra’s confused and surprised look on her face. 

“Come on (F/N). At least say hi to them.” Hange tilted her head on one side and grinned.

“Sorry. Where are my manners. My name is (F/N). You are Eren Yeager, the titan shifter, right.” Eren only nodded and shook your offered hand. “Don’t worry I know you are confused, but you’re in good hands. If you need help or something, don’t hesitate to ask me, ok.” you smile at him and he smiles back at you a little relaxed now. 

“Hey, why are you here with us? I never saw you within the Scouts?” asked annoying voice of a man.

You looked at him with a dead stare. He swallowed sharply and loudly. You just took your chair and turned at Hange. “I will be in the barn, if something needed.” then you left.

Levi sighed. “Don’t mind her, she's just pissed.”

Hange started to ask Eren about her experiment and after Eren asked about details of it, everyone disappeared from the hall.

Since you brought your chair, you’ve been working. Cables and pieces of metal, screws, cogs were all over the table. All this was somehow calming you down. No thinking. Everything was in order and every piece had its exact place. After some hours it was done. You put it on your hand and went outside.

After shooting the cable emptily in the distance and winding it back you screamed with joy. “It’s working! Ok, now it only needs a field test.”

With trees around, you aimed on one tree branch and shot the hook. You were checking if it’s well hooked and then started to wire yourself up. After you safely landed on the branch below, you aimed again but this time with more speed and skill, swinging your body from one branch to another.

“Yes! Are you watching Ilse! This is for you!” you were so happy but in the dark you missed one rotten and not so strong branch and after you hooked yourself on it, it cracked. Falling, you landed ruthlessly on the ground. Air mercilessly kicked from your lungs. You were gulping for air now. Coughing to find some oxygen, you tried to turn on your stomach. Finally, after some time you found your breath again.

“Fuck, and this fall is for me, huh! That hurts.”

“Hey brat! You ok?” oh no, Levi again.

“Finding my breath, sir!” you were still on your four but in front of him, managed to stood up. Brushing away the dirt smiling, you both were returning back. You wanted to continue with your work and make it even better, you walked a different direction then.

“Come on. You have to sleep. You can finish it another time.”

“I’m fine.” 

“No, you’re not. Should I bring your tall boy to tell you that?”

Wait, what? Tall boy? He means Mire? You son of a bitch! How dare you!

“Maybe? He would nicely cover me with a blanket. Keep me warm.” you said with venom on your tongue. His eyes went wide.

“Are you crazy? How can you even think about this like that!” you grunted again.

“It’s only you showing me how it is!”

“Fucking Christ, Levi! His wife is dead, his unborn child is dead! I’m not like you, taking advantages of people when they are miserable!”

“I’ve never done such a thing!” he grabbed your hand and pulled you inside the barn, pushed you against the wall.

“Really?” you look at him arrogantly. “Is this pretty ginger one of your toys now? Poor girl.”

“Shut up!” he punched the wall near your head savagely.

“What do you want! Choose finally! You want me to talk, or to shut up!” he just punched his other hand into the wall behind you and leaned closer, sliding his hands, cupping your shoulders.

What is he doing?! You felt your heart pound rapidly in your chest. Is it from the adrenalin? No it's not. Shit! You need to run!

“Let me go!” you were trying to pull away from him and leave, but his grip was strong. His head rested now on your chest.

“Seriously Levi, let go!” finally he let go of you and you pushed him more away. His eyes full of guilt and hurt and you. He never wanted to use you, but his feelings for you back then were so strong he couldn’t hold them at bay. Was it love? Desire? He doesn’t know. Probably both. For him it’s hard to love because everyone dear to him are dead now. He was cruel to you, yes. But only to keep you safe. Losing you would be horrible for him. But telling you this would do even more harm. You were too important for him and he doesn’t want you to die. But also, he doesn’t want you to leave.

“You need to let me go, Levi. Just pretend I don’t exist anymore and we will be ok!” your voice, breaking but you will not cry. No, you had enough of tears.

“No!” he screamed.

“Sleep at least for a few hours.” his tone was a plea, eyes soft and crystal clear, after this you were left alone, standing there with chaos in your head.

WHAT! No! What just happened? Stunned, confused, emotions mixing in your head and you can’t silence them down. You hate when you’re confused, you need to find any logical solution for this, but finding none. Why is he one big riddle to you? I really hate you! After pacing around, you gave up. Hearing voices from the hall you stepped inside and saw Hange, shining with her words and Eren with no energy left from listening.

“You are still up? Eren aren’t you tired?” you stopped Hange for a moment and sat next to him.

“No, not really.” he was just too polite to tell Hange to stop. Smiling at him, leaving him a little confused and flushed, you smiled even more.

Turning at spectacled woman you smiled at her. “Go on Hange.” you knew Eren will regret this, because you knew she won’t stop talking all night. That’s his punishment for lying to you. With heavy eyes you lay down on the table, head on your arms like pillows. Soon Hange’s voice was distant and finally after so long you were sleeping.

But your dreams were not pleasant ones. Bringing you back in the past, you appeared again on the battlefield. You saw yourself covered in blood, grinning, killing one titan after another. Enjoying the sensation of killing, warm blood on you, the rush of adrenalin in your veins. But it was not enough, you wanted more. To kill more, tear them apart and put them together only for killing them again. You were a monster back then. 

Comfortably lying on the table, you were still a little asleep. You heard silent humming voice of Hagne, but her voice was so smooth to your ears, it kept you from fully waking up. Until a stormy punch bangs the door open with a scream.

“Squad Leader Hange! Our test subjects hurry…!” babbled man loudly, standing in the door.

You jumped, smashing your legs hardly against the bottom of the table. Unaware of yourself in shock you yelled.

“Holy shit!!” almost knocking the whole table to the ground. Heart pounding, face full of lust for blood and body shaking. It took you a moment to run outside to meet everyone. Standing next to Eren and Erwin. Hagne, tearing her hairs our from her skull was crying in agony.

“(F/N), are you ok?”

“I’m fine Eren. I just hate to be woken up like this! Shit! I almost thought I was on the battlefield again.” you stopped trembling, but Eren gave you a puzzled look.

“Who would do anything like that. It’s weird.” killing test subjects.

Everyone here knew not to touch Hanges titans, so why? To you this was not act of pure hatred or rage against titans, like some soldiers around thought, but like destruction of evidence, perhaps? But that’s absurd, is it not? You saw similar things on your missions and you got the same feeling like before. Yes, your instinct was pushing warnings through your guts, into your head.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

On your way back to barracks and now sitting behind the scene of the training grounds, you couldn’t stop thinking about it all. Talking titan and now this weird kill.

Ymir’s people…Ymir-sama…Great…

Great? What is the meaning of this, perhaps Ymir-sama is great…but what? Leader, titan, human, a God? God of all titans? Or just ‘Great’ to have a human for dinner?

Could Ilse be similar in her look to this Ymir-sama? Could a titan have mistaken her with Ymir? 

Ymir’s people. Are titans Ymir’s people?

You didn’t even notice Erwin coming on the stage in front of all these kids. Yet it pulled you from your thoughts. You just wanted to know what lever he wants to use to recruit them. You just laughed when he started to say numbers of sacrificed soldiers and that they all will probably die if joining. In the crowd you caught face of a girl with annoyed face, you chuckled, just like Levi’s.

Guy in front of you tried to say Commander to stop, but you cut him out with your hand on his shoulder. You knew what Erwin was up to. 

“Shut up and watch.” you told him.

All of you behind the scene could now see how many of trainees turned around and left. But you knew that some will remain, Erwin knew that too. Twenty-one of them, not bad.

“See? Those who can fight with their fears are worthy to join. You don’t need soldiers unable to sacrifice themselves. And at the same time, you need the ones who doesn’t wants to die.” you told him, your hand still on his shoulder.

Besides, Erwin is still a human too. It was their choice to join, Erwin would never sacrifice someone without asking first. Slowly following him in his office, he let you go inside first, closing the door after him.

“You can’t blame yourself, Erwin. They decided for themselves, if they will die, don’t put the blame on you.” you sat on his desk again.

“You knew all along what I’m going to do?” you only nodded. “Even you can die, you know.”

“And what? No me, no problem, remember?”

His gaze softened a bit, replaced with sadness. “Is this what you think you are? A problem need fixing? I’m telling you, stop saying that. It’s not true.”

“Aren’t you a little bit sentimental about me?” you were just teasing him but something was wrong. He was not smiling, why? “Seriously, what’s wrong?”

“Levi wants me to send you away.”

“I know, I’m not stupid.” you pause. “But you can’t make me to go away. Not before this mess is cleared.”

“I saw you trembling this morning with anticipation.” his tone serious now.

“Ah, got it. No, it wasn’t me who killed Hange’s titans. I was with her and Eren all night. But after one of Hange’s squad members rushed inside the hall with a loud bam, I founded myself again on the battlefield.”

“Hungry for blood?”

“Yes!” you just smiled wickedly and Erwin tensed a bit more. “But I’m fine. Like I said, I can handle myself. In the end I had to live with myself all those years.”

Finally, a smile appeared on his face.

“Die for me, then.”

You saluted him with strong face full of devotion. “Yes, sir.”

“And now, Commander Pixis has a job for you. I told him not to involve you into this, but you know how he is. So, it’s up to you.”

“It’s about John Largo, right? I knew you would save him for me.”

He nods. “Join Hoffer’s team tomorrow, arrest Largo and then come back. Within a month we are going outside the Walls.”

“I will be back soon.” you stopped before leaving. “I almost forgot, give this back to Capitan please.” you took out from your side bag a small box. “It’s a new cravat, I bloodied him one of his old ones.”

He just sighed. “Whose fault was that?”

“His of course. Or maybe mine? Fifty-fifty. Bye for now.”

You wanted to eat, pack your things and leave. After wating in the line, you saw Sasha in the distance, so you planned to join her and her friends.

“Hello kids, can I sit with you?” all greeted you and you sat down next to Armin. “You all joined the Survey Corps.” some of them gulped heavily. “I was behind the screen so I saw you all. I’m impressed, really.”

“Well, I hope I made a right choice.” admitted Connie.

Right, they were just young kids thrown into very dangerous game of life and death.

“You did. All of you. Now you need to train harder, be stronger and smarter than everyone else. Be prouder even. And never stop fighting for your life or your dreams.”

“You know, you are just as inspiring as Commander Smith.” Jean blushed a little and you cracked a smile.

“What about your dreams, Armin? What is it, if you don’t mind me asking?” you looked down at him, unsure if he will even reply.

Armin smiled softly and his big blue eyes sparkled. “Well I want to explore the world behind the Walls, to see big blue water area behind the Walls, stretching to infinity. The water there is full of salt and even if merchants would be taking the salt out of it their whole life, it would always be there. It’s called…”

“Ocean…” you suddenly jumped into his sentence. He turned his head wildly at you, eyes full of sparks and admiration.

“It’s amazing how smart you are.” you placed your hand on his shoulder in comfort. “You will see it one day. And I’m sure it’s beautiful.”

“How do you know all these things?” Mikasa asked with puzzled look. “About the ocean, us being brave, even your speech a while ago.”

“Well as you can see, I’m a bit older than you. Well, more than a bit. When Sasha met me, I returned back from one of my missions.”

“Missions, like outside the Walls?” tilted head Connie.

“No. Let’s say than I’m a member of a special squad. I came back here after three years. Because of the mess want happened with your friend Eren. Besides I love new information’s about everything. They even say I have a special brain in my head. Some nonsense like that.”

They were impressed, a lot you could say. Mikasa eyed you importantly when you’ve said Eren’s name and Armin was just stunned. He thought you will laugh about this whole Ocean thing, but you knew about it too. That gave him even more courage. Exactly what you wanted to do. 

“Don’t worry Mikasa, Eren is ok. And now, like I said, you need to be stronger. I have another mission, so I won’t be here for a while, but I will return soon. So, clench your teeth kids and fight for your dreams.”

After eating you found Hange and Mike, said them bye for now and left the barracks. No need to wait, you missed Mire and your Squad. But still, you still felt pathetic, guilty and ashamed. In the past, one of the best soldiers ever and then after your screwed mission outside the Walls, unstoppable monster. Besides, you wanted to kick something or someone really badly right now! Patting your beloved buddy horse to move faster, you let him run as fast as he wanted.

“Hey Levi, have you told Eren about my plan to cut his limbs off?” Hange started.

“Not yet.” he paused for a moment. You weren’t there with Hange, not even with Mike when he met him earlier, why? You were always near her or Mike. Were you testing again some of your junky devices?

“Where is the brat, I’m responsible for her and haven’t seen her for a while? Is she causing any trouble again?”

“Huh, you mean (F/N)? She…left Levi. She is not in the barracks anymore.” eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.

“What?”

“I thought you knew.” Hange paced behind him. 

Levi turned sharply and headed to Erwin’s office, slamming the door open. Erwin and Commander Pixis gave Levi a puzzled look.

“Levi, we are discussing something. Leave, now.”

“Wait Erwin, I’m really interested in what made Capitan here so mad. Besides this issue is being handled.” Pixis charismatically turned to Levi. “So, Capitan?”

“You gave her to me to handle. So, stop shitting around and tell me why I was not informed about her, leaving?” he stood with clenched fists, he tried to look calm, but was really failing at this moment.

“Commander Pixis and I assumed it would be better to let her go on a mission arresting John Largo, since she spent a lot of her time on this case.”

“Still not answering my question. Why I don’t know about this?”

“You’d stop her, by making her nose bleed again, perhaps. Or you’d tell her not to come back, again. I need her to be back here for our upcoming mission.”

“Bullshit.” Levi muttered and turned.

“She left this for you, by the way.” Erwin pointed on a small black box on his desk.

“I’m glad I can see you Scouts still have fun. This bunch of oafs is simply the best. Capitan,” Levi looked at Commander Pixis, his face unchanged.

“(F/N), is here to be used for her abilities. Not only in combat, but also for her cleverness and bright mind.” Pixis closed the distance between him and Levi. “We made a deal together, us three. She will be in service to both divisions. Excluding Military police for a very good reason and you know very well why. She alone, in her worse state after that incident three years ago, came to me and told me this: “ _Use me and my skills all you want, I don’t mind killing titans, people and myself. Just don’t lock me in the cage.”_ She completed thirty-eight missions, improved half of the Garrison tactics, wrote three educational books for schools and many more in three years successfully. And yet I can’t help but feel that you see her only as a nuisance.”

Levi’s eyes got even wider now, hands still in fists, but after what Commander Pixis said make him completely shocked. Hands loosely along his body. He knew from Erwin and the rest that you were fulfilling your duties as a soldier, but this? This honestly baffled him. 

“I’m not asking you to like her, but at least to respect her.” Pixis smiled and left the office.

Levi stood there for a minute, took this small box from Erwin’s table and left.

“Ahh, this is going to be troublesome.” Hange scratched back of her head and Erwin only smiled.

“Pixis used on him a hard science and facts, no less.”

Hange tensed and started to admire the floor under her boot, eyes distant.

“Erwin?” he came closer to her and slowly took her hand into his. “Do you thing she hates us? You, me, Levi, Mike? All of us? Do you think she’s happier without us?”

He squeezed her hand a little more. “You will have to ask her. When she’s back.”

“You mean…if she comes back.”

“She has to, I ordered it.” Hange’s eyes also got wider, she let go of his hand and walked away.

“If we could survive only by a command, life would be much easier.” smiling bittersweetly, she ran off to Levi.

Levi walked slowly to his own office, put the small box on his desk and waited. Just watching it, not really sure if he should open it. What to expect. But in the end his curiosity took control. Inside was a small piece of paper.

_“Sorry, the blood didn’t go off fully. This is replacement.”_

Under the sheet was nicely folded tissue cravat, similar to those Levi always wore, but this one was fine embroiled silken cravat. It had to be really expansive.

Why things even ended up like this? He made you bleed and you, bought him something? Are you crazy? His mind was lost, confused, puzzled but in the end, he was just angry. So angry! With himself, because he was such an asshole. Putting the cravat back in the box, he strongly gripped the table edges. He never done anything for you, but he couldn’t help it. You shouldn’t be here at all.

_‘She’s here to be used.’_

Echoed in his mind. Grinning his teeth, he slammed his fists brutally on the table. Shaking violently and sliding on his knees, he sat on the floor, backs leaning against the front of the table. Hange was already inside when he filtered his anger on the table. She also leaned against the closed door. Sitting and waiting.

“I broke her nose and you know what? She bought me a new fine silken cravat.” he was really miserable right now. “She’s really the worse. Always know how to mess with people.”

“I asked Erwin earlier if she hates us all.”

“Me, yes. But you, Erwin and Mike? She could never hate you.” his head leaned back a little, watching the ceiling, Levi started again. “We’ve been arguing the other night. I was really pissed. In the end, she said I need to let her go. Pretent she doesn’t exist. We will be ok, she said. I screamed no and left her there.”

“I know why are you doing this Levi, I really do. But if you will continue like this, you will definitely loose her.”

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

You parked your horse friend behind the familiar building and went inside.

“Mire. I’m back again.”

Right behind the bar, stood Mire probably explaining something to the two men, sitting on bar stools in front of him. You leaned against the door frame and smiled.

“Hi boys, missed me?” after they noticed you and smiled, you ran to them and sat on the bar desk. 

“(F/N), you're here? We thought you will be here tomorrow.”

“Nah, why wait. It’s not like I’m that important in the Corps. But what about you guys? How was your mission in Stohess?”

Finally, all members of your squad together. Well, it wasn’t actually yours, no one was under anyone in command. You were all equal, but usually Mire was the one in charge.

The man right next to you was Ralf, sweet little ginger with freckles all over his face. He was younger than you so he was full of energy and potential. His skills with guns and bows were unequalled. Even though he wasn’t that good in hand to hand combat, he was much faster and far better in long distance combat. Beside him was Brook, big strong muscular brunet. He was the oldest one here, deadly in near combat and very good with vertical manoeuvring equipment.

“Good, fella here got hurt a little but nothing serious. We caught those bloody Military bastards in the act, which is weird. Arrested now, they are having fun in the prison, I hope.” Brook commented. “And what about you? Mire told us you were also hurt?”

“I’m good, nothing serious. We all knew Military police is corrupted through and through, but they are not that stupid, or are they?” you’ve been thinking out loud. “Are they imprisoned under Garrison or Military police?”

“Well, you hit the nail on the head. Military police took them away from the Garrison. That’s why I’m telling you, on this mission we have to be more careful.”

“You are right Ralf.” you nodded.

“What about the Survey Corps? Seems like somebody got your nose.” Mire lifted an eyebrow at you. You just snorted.

“Well, you saw for yourself in Erwin’s office. Capitan just tried to put me in the line with his horrible manners. And you all know how stubborn I’m.”

“Hell yeah.” Echoed in synch from all three. You had to laugh.

“It was nice to be there again, for a while.”

To see the place where you practically grew up after your parent’s died. But it was still a little suffocating.

“Ok here’s the plan. It’s not that hard to get inside the Underground City, but outside, well here is the catch. We need to be quick and not to cause to much fuss around.” Minded Brook.

“I agree. What if we get rid of the guards on the Stairs? They will surely recognise at least one of us. If they will, the streets will be full of Largo’s minions in no time.” Suggested Ralf.

“No, it’s too risky. No guards on the Stairs is too suspicious, they will know something’s going on.” you were sure about that.

“Ok, this plan could work. We will split up into three groups. Ralf, you and me will get there on our own, paying them for letting us in without questions. Brook and (F/N), you will play oriental girl, and Brook will be trying sold you down there. This excuse should be enough for the guards. After we got there, we will meet at our place. And finally, plan on catching Largo.” Mire leaned for some papers. “He is hiding in the eastern side of the City, in one local brothel. He plans to hide there for a while I guess.”

“Ok, we will grab him there. But, it’s gonna be hard.” you frowned. “His pawns will be all over that place. We will silently get inside and hunt him down quietly.”

“About the escape plan,” Ralf leaned closer to see the map better, “this is the shortest way back. These two roads can be used as well, but it’s gonna be a long run. If they will notice we took him, they will chase us. One of us will have to drag Largo with him and the rest will try to stop his minions.”

“We can use a bit of confusion on them too. We can switch the road here and change his escort as well.” you tried to remember the escape road as perfectly as possible. “We will use 3DM gears without the blade holders, to be lighter and faster. Also, beware their guns, armour your vital spots.”

It was a good plan, but all of you knew how to improvise, if something went wrong. You were expecting that something will be off. For this kind of mission, you decided to take away the blade holders. Gas will be carried on your backs in a form of backpack. Sort of upgrade of yours.

To became an Oriental, you had to dye your hair and eyebrows deep black. Mikasa’s and Levi’s hair colour. Ackermans, huh. For a moment you remembered another man, also black hair, tall and very dangerous. But as fast that thought came to your mind, vanished as quickly.

Two days later, Ralf left first to get in the Underground City. Day after him Mire also left. Your plan was to follow them down after two more days.

You and Brook walked on familiar steps, deep down below the ground. Two guards, waiting with a bored look crossed your path.

“Well, well what do we have here?” grinned one and spat on the ground.

“Yo, fellas.” said Brook and wanted to continue but they stopped you.

“What do you want here?”

“See this chick. Black hair, white skin, no emotions in her face. She’s a doll, man. She will cost a fortune down here!” Brook was pointing his finger at you, while holding one of the guards with his arm around his neck. Both guards just snorted and one of them wanted to touch you. “Hey! No touching, pay first!” yelled Brook and smacked his hand.

“Just go down you prick.” said the other guard.

Behind you heard the guards talk. “That dark haired bitch, seems Oriental to me, what do you think?”

“Yeah, they are pretty rare in here. She will cost a big money.”

“Hmm, I hope we will find her in some brothel here. For a little fun.”

As if you motherfucker! Keep dreaming! 

“Good, they fell for it.” you looked at Brook. “Have I ever told you, you’re such a drama queen?”

“Tss, that was nothing. They must be new around here.”

“Seems like it. Now when we’re here, let’s find Ralf and Mire.” he just hummed.

Streets on the Eastern side of the City were crowded with very dangerous people. It makes sense that Largo was hiding in here.

“It’s too crowded in here. Hope they are going to clear off soon.”

“Yeah, the house is over there. We’ll wait and see.”

The safehouse was only few streets away from the brothel. You all successfully gathered there and waited a few hours. Streets remained still somehow crowded but it was better than before. After another hour your hunt had started. No one else than Largo and his minions were allowed inside the brothel. His men were guarding the entrance, you left them there on purpose. No one from the outside will disturb you, you will take them down after catching Largo.

_Flashback_

_“I have a question.” you finally asked after a pregnant pause. Standing in his office always made you speechless. „Why can’t we just kill him, why do you want him alive? I understand you want to know who is the mole in the Military police, but he is a scum, he won’t tell you anything.”_

_“I know, but he will probably talk under some pressure from our side, trust me. Bring him alive.” said Commander Pixis easily._

_“And his minions?” your eyebrow lifted._

_“Hmm, ten or twenty dead men in the Underground City, it should not be a big problem. I will inform Commander Erwin about our agreement.”_

_“Yes.”_

All you needed was an open window. Bingo! As silently as a cat, you slipped inside. Some pervy guy was trying to force himself on a prostitute. She noticed you, but you silenced her with your index finger on your lips. When he was about to pull his trousers off, you knocked him down. He fell on the bed, limp. You turned at the woman.

“Are you doing this job willingly?” you asked. She nodded. “If you don’t want to die, stay back.”

Taking off your long black coat, you threw it on her, to cover her naked body. Then you knocked three times on the window frame, the rest of your team jumped inside. All of you adjusted your 3DM gear.

“In which room is Largo?” asked her Ralf.

“D-downstairs l-lobby.” she stuttered. 

“If you want to leave, now is your chance. After we’re done, no one will stop you.” told her Mire.

No one should be living like this, offering one’s body for money. You hated this.

“It’s time to hunt them down. Stay low, immobilize them, if they are persistent, don’t hesitate to kill.” you noted and walked from the room.

There was no one on the corridor, you continued on. First stairs and someone was coming. You hid behind the corner, after the man walked closer Brook grabbed him under his neck and squeezed. He tried to scream out, he covered his mouth. After a while he stopped moving. Down the stairs another two showed up. Mire and Ralf took them down without problem. Now you were near the lobby, you could see him sitting on a couch holding his drink. Damn, there’s too many of them. If we will charge, he will run away.

“We need to corner him in here, I will charge from the front. It will cut his escape route.”

You planned to go outside by the same window. You ran silently back to that room, but inside were two guys now. The woman was missing, so they probably thought she ran away.

Fuck, I need to get outside, quickly.

You slowly closed the door behind as you stepped in. Then in a flash of a lightning you attacked them. First strike to their necks, then you took their heads and knocked them together. One of them fell on his knees holding his nose, the other one attacked back. He tried to kick you, but he was slow. You turned to avoid it and elbowed his face. But the first guy grabbed you, aiming his knife at your throat. Thanks to your quick instinct you grabbed his wrist in time, but he still cut your neck. He forced his body weight on you and threw you against the wall. You hit the wall hard, but pain wasn’t your problem.

Fuck, you have to be quiet, moron!

One of them punched against your head but you avoided it again, grabbed arm and threw him over your shoulder, then kicked his face putting him to sleep. You didn’t expect the other guy pulling a gun against you.

BANG!

Shit! This is not quiet at all!

That was fucking close. In last second you jumped away so the bullet just scratched your arm. Taking out your knife, you tripped his legs and sliced his throat.

_In the lobby_

“What the hell is going on upstairs?!” yelled Largo after the gun shot. “You two, go and check it!”

Immediately running upstairs, these two were quickly stopped by your team. Outside you used your 3DM gear and flew in the front, knocking the guards down by landing on them. Kicking the front door open, you walked inside, looking at Largo with a deadly stare.

“You bitch! Kill her!” screamed Largo and pointed his finger at you.

Seven, eight, nine. Nine. They all run after you. You used your personal arm hook and fired at the ceiling. When you were hooked, you let your gas from your gear flow. It pushed you rapidly forwards, with your left hand, you cut into their bodies. Not enough to kill them, but enough to hurt them badly. At least they won’t follow you out. All falling to the ground with a thud.

Largo wanted to run upstairs but Brook and Mire stopped him and tied him. Gag into his mouth, tied arms and wrists and put a black bag over his head.

“Moving out, as we planned.”

Brook ran outside with Largo in his grasp, Mire after him as a core defence and you and Ralf on the sides. You ran only few meters and his minions were after you. This time with 3MD gears. You jumped and flew after them, hooking yourself on the nearest building and with forced gas you cut their cables. Ralf was fighting on his left side.

BANG! BANG!

Another gunshot. You gazed down and eyes wide.

“Mire!!”

As faster as you could, you flew back to them. Kicking two of the pawns down. Mire took down the third one. 

“Mire!”

“It’s good, just scratched shoulder. Keep going!”

“The bridge is near.”

Brook was watching them for a while. “Shit! They are from the Military Police. We arrested them two months ago!”

“What?! Ok, switch. I got him, go!” you took Largo by his collar and pulled him with you. But he was struggling against you. Ok, got no choice. You anchored him against you and lunched forwards with gas. You managed to get on the bridge. Stairs were not far away.

Shit! Five of them! Mire was losing blood. Brook and Ralf were fighting.

“(F/N), switch, I’ll take him.” you nodded, kicked Largo to Mire and he ran away.

You ran after them, both knifes out. Using your gas again a little, you kicked two of them to the ground, killing them as well. Beating the third and fourth. The fifth one was persistent. Dodging your moves, he punched your face and pinned you against the ground, kneeling on you. Another punch into your face. You stabbed his thigh, your legs curling to your body, knees to your chest, then you brutally kicked him off of you. Fastly you chased Mire, he was waiting by the Stairs end. Ralf was there too but Brook wasn’t.

“You two go and give Largo to the Garrison immediately. Brook and I will soon follow.”

“Ok.”

Brook, Brook where are you. Near the bridge. He was fighting against the Military Police? They were in their uniforms! Fuck this mess! He didn’t want to really fight them like that, but he had to. You jumped from roof to roof.

“Hey you Military Pigs! Fuck you all!” you screamed. Brook used an opportunity, while you were distracting them. Both of you moved in synch, taking down one enemy after another.

“You all right?”

“Yeah, catching my breath. You (F/N)?”

You smiled and hugged him with your left hand to give him some support. “I’m good, let’s go home.”

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

In the headquarters you waited in Erwin’s office. It’s been two days after your mission and you already asked Erwin for something to do. Rest was a waste of time. Your beaten face coloured vividly. Bruises and scratches burned, but you didn’t want to slack at your work.

“Don’t you want to wait, at least a few days?” Erwin lifted his mighty eyebrows at you.

“No. What you got for me?”

“Fine. Levi’s squad is taking care of Eren, join them and observe.”

Why Levi’s squad again. Aren’t they good enough or what? Is there a problem? Oh.

“You don’t trust them, do you?” you smiled widely. “You are afraid they might kill him, huh. Well, alright. This is funny. Hange will be there too, right?”

“I trust Levi, but his squad members only see Eren as a threat. They won’t change their opinion on him so quickly. Yes, she insisted to try some tests with Eren.”

“Thanks, I’m off.”

“(F/N), try to play along. Especially with Levi.” Erwin tensed for a moment, remembering the scene with Commander Pixis and Levi.

You said nothing and left. Play along? Gods, what happened when you were gone, huh? Somebody stepped on their shoes or what?

You took your already packed bag and left the barracks. After very long and tiring ride you finally saw the cottage in front of you.

“Good, buddy I love you but right now, you are very uncomfortable.” you talked to your horse and he just snored at you. There was a whistle in the air. What, a flare? Is something wrong?

“Go fast buddy.” Soon you saw Hange and Levi on their horses.

“Hange, is everything ok?”

She and Levi turned wildly. “(F/N)! You’re back! My God your face, what happened?”

“Later. What are you doing?”

“Some experiment with Eren, he is in that well. But something is wrong.” Levi answered and rode back, you and Hange behind him. You all looked down at Eren, his bloodied hands lifted.

“Hanji, it seems I can’t turn into a titan…”

Well that’s weird. “Eren, it’s me, (F/N). We will get you up.”

All sitting outside with their tea and snack, poor Eren didn’t know what to do. Levi was pretty pissed with him. You sat next to Eren and that weird guy, Oulo who was babbling about everything. But still, Eren losing his ability is a huge problem. What now, huh?

You noticed he was trying to pick up his spoon from the ground and then loud boom and steam appeared. Explosion? You fell on your butt, but in a hurry, you stepped in front of Eren, with one arm lifted, guarding him, blade in the other one.

Levi’s group all tense, ready to attack, but Levi was calming them down. Still, they circled him around.

“Eren, stay behind me!” you took out second blade. Then they started to yell at him. All four of them, not even listening his answers. Levi was talking to them but nothing, they were ready to strike. Screaming more, walking closer, shit that was enough.

“Shut the fuck up, all of you!” you roared, silencing them finally. “It was just an accident! Step closer and I will kill you!” they were shocked by your words. Levi too, was taken aback.

Hange run at once and wanted to touch Eren’s titan hand. It was hot. Right it was steaming when the hand appeared. Eren was now pulling his human hand out from the titan flesh, rolling onto his back.

“Eren, how are you feeling?” you asked, kneeling beside him, but it was clear he was exhausted. Yeah, not very good.

Later on, you and Hange were thinking about this whole thing. Somehow you managed to guess what was it all about. Eren’s catalysator for turning into a titan needs probably some reason. To protect, to attack and other things. In the well, he wasn’t thinking about killing titans, or anything in particular so it didn’t seem to work. But still it was a little mystery.

Yet, it was unintentional.

You could have killed all those little morons, just because they don’t trust Eren.

“Guys, I don’t want to be rude. But since it wasn’t Eren’s intention, you could at least say sorry.” you were leaning against the wall, arms crossed on your chest. “I’m here for many reasons, and I will tell you this, I have permission to kill everyone, who wants to hurt Eren.” all were baffled. The four Scouts were watching you with frightened faces. “You need to use your instinct and head. Yes, you were afraid and confused, but it doesn’t mean you can ignore your leader’s orders.” you turned at Levi, he was staring at you. In the end they all bit their hands as a punishment.

You were exhausted, sitting outside again breathing fresh evening air. It was peacefully quiet lonely evening. After a while, Levi and Hange appeared. You eyed Levi’s gaze and sighed greatly.

They were watching you closely, your bandaged neck, multiple coloured and bruised face.

“So, since it's later now, you can tell us what happened.” Hange sat opposite you. Capitan just continued to stand there.

“Well, we’ve done our mission. Largo is arrested I hope, and now I’m your ball on the leg again.” watching the sky you answered.

“What do you mean, you hope he's arrested?” Levi asked.

Finally, you looked down at them.

“When we were on our way back, in one group of Largo’s pawns were three already arrested members of the Military police. Brook and Ralf arrested them two months ago. Military police took them away, yet somehow, they appeared in the fight. I sneaked in the MP headquarters and searched a bit.”

“Let me guess, missing or dead.” Levi’s brow lifted.

“Bingo.” you pointed your finger at him. “I was thinking that what if there is also another team like us within the MPs. Only doing shitty things, every time we arrest someone, they will join and continue to do more harm in the dark. There must be someone else behind this all, Largo was also just a pawn, in much higher game. Well, definitely something is going on there. Doing so small steps we didn’t even notice them. But this was stupid, Brook recognised them immediately. That’s why I’m so bothered about it.” you groaned “Seems like my brain is not working anymore, shit.”

“Tsk, your brain needs sleep, idiot. That’s why.”

“Yes, mom.” for once Levi was right. “Hange, could you please take a look at my arm? Nothing serious, it’s just bothering me a little.”

Actually, it was twitching and hurting like a bitch!

You went inside and took a seat in the hall, Hange took all her tools with her, Eren was there too. Good a least you have an eye on him now. Scouts from Levi’s squad soon followed inside as well from their evening training.

You undressed your shirt, staying in tank top. Unwrapped your bandaged bicep, it was still bleeding. All of them were watching you, your hands and chest, all covered in bruises, cuts, stab wounds. You knew it was not a pleasant view.

Hange examined your wound, after a while looked at you. “Is this what I think it is?”

Corners of your mouth twitched into a guilty smile. “Yeah…I kinda got shot.”

They all gasped. Shit, Levi was pissed and now even Hange seemed to be angry at you. And she can endure a lot.

“H-Hange, I’m ok, really.”

She said nothing in return. You winced when she squeezed the wound, more blood pouring from it, but she squeezed it even more. You had to clench your teeth, not to make any noise.

“Hange.” Levi wanted to stop her.

“Part of the bullet is probably still inside.” she said coldly not even looking at him nor at you. She took a small piece of metal outside with a pliers, cleaned the wound, stitched and wrapped it. No one said a word.

Gods you never wanted this to happen. Hange quickly picked her tools and equipment and left. Levi followed her after a while.

“You should go to bed guys, take your rest.” you said finally after a while, smiling at them. Nodding, they left you in the hall alone.

“Shit! I’m such an idiot.” you slammed your hand on the desk. Face up, eyes closed, you sighed and leaned against the wall.

“Do you need a company?”

“Petra?”

“Can I join you?” she smiled and waited. You couldn’t help yourself but smile. With your boot you pushed a chair next to you in the space, allowing her to take a seat.

“So, what do you want to know?” you asked and she was a bit confused. “I assume you want to ask something, right?”

She didn’t expect you to know why she came. “You really would kill us, back then?”

Ah, so that’s the point. You were thinking for a while, but smiled and patted her shoulder. “I could, but I didn’t, did I. Besides, Capitan would stop me. He can’t afford to lose any member of his squad.”

‘And since I’m not in his squad, he would kill me instead. _’_ You wanted to say out loud, but you didn’t. She doesn’t have to know anything more.

“I understand this whole problem is about trust, right? So, do you think Eren trusts us?”

“I think he does, not fully but he will soon. He knows what you are capable of, that’s why he respects you, but also, he's more confused than all of us.”

Petra asked in confusion why. 

“He’s just a tool for the Military now. When the Wall Maria will be retaken with his help, will he be safe? No, he will probably represent even bigger threat. But he can’t fail either, for his life and friends safety. He's just a boy who has some weird abilities, which he even doesn’t know how to use.”

She was taken aback, but after a while, she understood. “You are amazing (F/N).” smiling happily at you. Now you were in shock.

“You are smart, strong, independent and pretty. On day I want to be like you.”

You surely were as red as tomato. No one ever told you this, Gods what now? What now? Screw it.

You leaned closer and cupped her face gently with one hand. “Now I know why Capitan likes you. When you love, you love with all your heart.”

Now was her turn to be red, blushing rapidly she stood up and, in a hurry, left with. “Goodnight, (F/N).”

You just laughed. “Goodnight, Petra.”

Still with a mild smile on your lips, you walked to your own room. But first, you wanted to speak with Hange, to apologise. But when you lifted your hand to knock on the door, you heard her speaking to someone in cracked voice.

_“Now they shot her! We have to do something about it!”_

_“Like what, send her away again? Erwin won’t send her away and you know it.”_ This was Levi’s voice?

_“Then we have to convince him somehow! She shouldn’t be here at all. Commander Pixis can do something right?”_

_“You heard him yourself a few days ago, Hange. Leave it be for now, we will think about something soon.”_

You stood there, listening people you considered a family talking about you like that. All those years you were afraid, they were mad at you. That they hate you. But deep down you thought they could never hate you. That you were their friend at least, if not a family. But you were wrong. They hate you. They were just pretending to care about you. Hange of all people, you loved her like a sister. And Levi, Gods probably the only man you have ever truly loved. Why shits always happen to you.

Why? Well, what have you expected, huh? You almost killed them, so you deserve it.

You couldn’t listen anymore. Your heart had been just stabbed multiple times. Turning around, you walked away.

So tired and hurt, you fell on your bed and after three long years, you cried again.

_Hange’s room_

Hange stormed inside her room slamming her bag with medical tools on the bed. She pressed her hands against the table edges, breathing deeply. She was always collected and relatively calm, but now her own patience and nerves just exploded. Pacing left, right again left and right, she couldn’t stay still. Because of her frustration she even overheard Levi’s knocking and since she didn’t open the door herself, he went inside.

“Hey, four eyes, what are you doing?” Levi asked with his deadpan face.

“Huh, what do you think! I’m dealing with possibility that she will die soon. Here with us, or worse on one of her missions.”

“Stop thinking like that, idiot. Or it will really happen.” scolded her Levi.

“Did you even saw that! Her body? It looks like she was trampled by a bunch of titans.” threw Hange at him and finally sat on her bed. “And now, they shot her! We have to do something about it.”

“Like what, send her away again? Erwin won’t send her away and you know it.”

“Then we have to convince him somehow! She shouldn’t be here at all. Commander Pixis can do something right?”

“You heard him yourself a few days ago, Hange. Leave it be for now, we will think about something soon.”

“The expedition is near, can’t we just lock her somewhere? To you, her body seems to be only hurt, but I know how she is pushing her limits. In pain all the time, not even resting or properly sleeping, she will die out there! And the funniest thing is, that Erwin does not even care! He thinks, she will survive just because he gave her a command.”

Levi knew that Erwin always gambled with his plans. But this was really stupid and stubborn. “Go to sleep. And clean your room, it’s a mess, shitty glasses.” with that, he left.

Hange smiled bittersweetly. “Well, not just my room is a mess.”

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Tomorrow you all are going on the expedition outside the Walls. And you are stressing out about it. Bad feelings bothered your head and guts, whenever you wanted to do anything.

You have been avoiding and ignoring Levi, Hange, Mike and Erwin at all cost. They all noticed your cold exterior. So, you tried to spend a lot of time with Eren, chatting with him, asking him about his childhood. He told you all he could remember about Mikasa and Armin, when they were just small kids. He told you even about his mom and dad.

In return, you told him about yourself a lot, but you kept the important things locked inside. He doesn’t have to know how horrible person you really are, right.

When you weren’t with Eren, you were with Petra and the rest of Levi’s squad, trying to be nicer to them. And they befriended you pretty quickly. 

But Erwin and the rest of the superiors, that was a different story. Growing colder, when Hange wanted to check your wounds, you walked away immediately, saying you don’t want to waste her time, that you don’t want to bother her.

But in Mike something snapped today. When you were leaving the stables, he grabbed your arm.

“Don’t you want to tell me what’s going on?” shoving his hand off, you tried to leave. But again, he stopped you by grabbing your shoulders with his big hands and pining you against the stable wall. “Answer me, damn it!” you never saw him this angry.

Mike was always there for you, when no other understood you. Like your big brother.

Was he also lying like the others?

“Stop pretending like you care. I had enough of lies.” eyes cold, your words venomous.

Mike’s face had a puzzled look. “What lies?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know. Since the first day I came back, you were just messing with me!”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

You smiled with hurting eyes. “I know you all hate me, because what I’ve done. But you, Erwin, Hange even Levi could at least stop pretending. And now you’re sending me away again.”

“That’s not true, how can you even think that.”

“I heard Hange and Levi’s conversation the other night. Hange said I shouldn’t be here at all, Levi just agreed, saying he will try to convince Erwin about sending me away.”

Shocked, his eyes wide. “When did you hear that?”

“After arresting Largo.”

Mike closed his eyes and sighed, head tilting up in defeat. “(F/N), no one will send you away. You probably misunderstood. We don’t hate you. I could never hate you and you know why. I’m going to ask them.”

“No,” you stopped him, hugged him from behind, face still calm without any emotions. “This is for the best. You should hate me. And I don’t want you to tell anyone about this conversation.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” 

“If I’m dear to you, you won’t tell them.” 

_Past_

It was supposed to be just an exploratory expedition. But the weather turned bad rapidly quickly and you had to split up. Your squad was supposed to follow slowly after Mike’s squad and Levi was helping Hange’s squad. But your squad leader panicked, because of the rain and abnormal titan appeared out of nowhere. Jumping furiously here and there, killing all your friends. You tried to save them, fighting the beast as best as you could, but more titans appeared around and others were coming.

It was not your first expedition or fighting with titans. You knew what you were doing. You have seen countless of your friends and people being eaten by a titan. But an idea appeared in your mind.

When you were watching the titan’s faces, you saw no fear in their eyes. No pain, no conscience, no regrets, no fear. You asked yourself, if you will shut your emotions down, you will be like them. Killing machine, able to kill them all.

So, you did. You decided. Feeling no pain, hurt, anger, no emotions at all. You ran after them, killing one by one, not bothering they almost ripped you apart, after just their steaming corpses remained. Even when a big hand grabbed you and squeezed you brutally, you gave no shit about it. Just sliced his fingers and hands off. Chopped on tiny parts, even when you killed them, you were slicing them. And you were enjoying it so much. 

It the meantime of your killing, the rest of the expedition found you and in horror were watching your actions. Humming silently, grinning and smiling you were sliding your blade through titan’s flesh, like a knife through the butter.

After you fell to the ground exhausted, only then they were able to take you away from the battlefield.

But on the battlefield, it just started.

_Karanese District- present_

You were sitting on the back of your horse buddy, smoothing his nape to calm him down a little. Or were you calming yourself with this gesture? Definitely. The gate finally opened and you at once rode outside the Wall Rose. You noticed Sasha’s trembling hands, she was griping the bridle, when a ten-meter titan approached from the left.

“Sasha! The defence squad will kill him. Keep going!” she just muttered almost inaudible UHH.

The Wall was now far behind you, powerful command from Erwin to deploy divided you all into small groups. You pulled your reins to the right side, connecting with Armin. Riding alongside with him, suddenly a black smoke signal rose and met the sky.

“Shit! Armin, the Deviant class, fire the flare.” you stated and rode near the squad leader. “Ness! I got his ankles.” you stated and he yelled at Cis to slay his nape.

You stood up on the horseback and fired your hooks to meet his ankles, with a quick speed you cut of his ankle, causing him to fall. When you landed on the ground you looked at your shaking hands. It has been too long, your movements were sloppy, but still full of grace like before, hood on your head you grinned. Calling your horse again, you rode to meet the rest. All of sudden, your guts clenched. In a small distance behind you ran another titan. A female? Blond hair. Another deviant class?! 

“Armin, black flare!” you screamed not sure if he heard you. Riding on the left side from a dead titan, the female titan hasn’t noticed you at all, due to trees in her sight. She speeded up, aiming her attack on Ness and Cis, or not? Armin.

“Armin!” spurring your horse to run as fast as he could, still you weren’t fast enough.

Cis and Ness tried to fight her, to stop her from getting Armin, but failed. She smashed Cis in her hand, then caught Ness’s cable and with a brutal force, threw him against the ground.

No! Cis… Ness…

Horror in your eyes, you couldn’t breathe, think or speak. But against your will, your brain started to work again.

Those moves, it’s impossible for a titan to move like that. No! She was like a trained soldier. Killing without eating. Just kill for pure joy. Now rage awoken inside you. In the distance, you saw Armin being knocked down from his horse, female titan kneeling above him, you were close. Dropping your reins, flying in the air, you noticed she was checking his hooded face.

Blood spattered from titan’s hand when you cut her, she had to let Armin’s hood.

“Let Armin! Bitch!” in fast motion you hugged small form of the boy and with help of a gas, flew away. Female titan suddenly stood up and ran away as well.

“Armin! Are you alright?” you took his face in your hands, checking him.

Eyes full of terror he said. “S-she wanted to see my face. She didn’t kill me?”

“What? Your face?” strange.

“Armin! (F/N)! You ok?” it was Reiner with Armin’s and your horse.

“We are ok! Let’s go!” Jean and Reiner briefly told you what happened with their group.

“We need to be careful! She is deviant class!” Armin stated unsurely. You saw doubts in his eyes.

“No Armin. She is a human! I know you are thinking the same thing. She is like Eren.”

Armin nodded. “Yes, she is like Eren. Human wearing a titan body.”

“Be extremely cautious, she is not killing for eating. She is killing for sport!” they all looked at you.

“(F/N) is right. But I think she is looking for someone. If I’m right, she is looking for Eren.”

Again, your brain was processing all new information. Where was the catch, there is always one. Killing her, will be extremely hard for you alone. All of you hooded your heads and prepared.

“No shits boys!” you stated and they chuckled.

She attacked, Armin again. Waiting for him to stop rolling, she watched him on the ground.

“Now Jean!” you and Jean attacked.

She was moving too unpredictably, but you managed to cut her side really deeply, flying around for her nape, she protected it. A giant fist flew your direction, you barely avoided it and hit the ground heavily.

What! She is really intelligent human after all.

Jean cut her left side when she wasn’t paying attention to him. But it wasn’t enough, these were just cuts for her, no real damage. Suddenly Reiner attacked, yet she noticed him and grasped him.

“Reiner!” you stood up in a hurry and attacked her again, cutting her elbow tendons. Reiner alive with a great force cut her fingers off and escaped from her palm, took Armin and ran from her sight. You and Jean did the same. Final glance at her made you shiver, she changed direction? Just like that?

Rainer was nursing Armin’s bleeding head. Jean was trying to call his and your horse without success. Your shoulder started to bleed again, body sore. After a few minutes other rookie came, fortunately with your horses. Your horse was swinging with his tail from side to side like a dog.

“Good boy.” patting his neck delicately. “Thank you, Krista. Armin if you’re ok, we need to go back to the formation.”

“I’m still a bit off, but a can make it.”

“Good, you’re a fighter. We are following the previous orders!” you looked at Krista, she was smiling with relief on her face.

After your command, they all said ‘ _Yes sir’_

It was like the old times.

You stopped at the edge of the Titan Forest and climbed on the tree branches. You were told to wait and guard the entrance inside the wood. Bothersome, this was a big mistake, you all saw the female titan entering there. Yet the superior told you to wait with the others. It’s been a while now, small amount of lower grand titans were watching you from the ground, wating with anticipation, like if they hypnotised you to fall down.

With closed eyes, your hearing sharpened, opening them fast again. Screams and booms. Explosives? Bombs?

You heard Armin and Jean running from their spot. Without thinking you jumped from your branch and killed a titan, who tried to climb up, after that one, you killed two more.

“Hey! I said no killing yet!” screamed Thomas.

Nanaba calmed him down and looked at you after you landed near her. “Did it help a little?”

“Yeah, but still I feel a little unsure and pissed.” you needed to adjust and tighten your belts on your body.

“Mike told me to let you try a few kills. To me it seems like you never left.” she said with a nod.

“So big boy is talking about me, huh.” you paused for a moment and finally looked at her. “I hope he’s fine.”

Please be alright, all of you.

You saw Nanaba’s expression and something felt wrong, she was somehow relaxed but still cautious, watching the younger Scouts suspiciously.

“Nanaba, tell me,” you said quietly, just for her to hear it, “inside the forest, there is something the rest of us don’t know, am I right?”

Her eyes widen and you saw the answer right in her eyes.

“That’s why Thomas and you won’t let us inside the forest. And Mike was talking about me, so he probably told you to keep an eye on me, right?” 

Nanaba gritted her teeth, frowning. She wasn’t glad you were in her head. This was supposed to be a secret. Erwin was cautious, what if someone from the younger Scouts was a spy. That’s the reason why the whole plan knew only limited amount of people. Only the veterans.

You were thinking about it now, why no one told you the whole plan. But after a while, it was obvious. You appeared in the Legion out of nowhere after three years. It would only alarm the rookies, if you were somewhere else, you had to be there in the formation as well. For them to see that everything was ok. Not to be suspicious. At least it was what you were thinking and honestly if it was something else, you couldn’t care less. You trusted Erwin with your life. 

In your mind appeared a vision of all your friends. Now they were there and you don’t know if you will see them again. Another explosion echoed inside the forest.

Then a horrific scream of a crying beast shivered all your hearts.

The titans rushed inside the forest.

“Shit! I’m going! You stay with the rookies.” you chased after them, Nanaba had no time to respond. You knew you shouldn’t go there, but this scream was too strange for your liking. 

Three of them broke near the trapped female titan. In the corner of your eye you noticed Levi, standing on her head. You speeded up and killed two of them, but the third one was small and it slipped you, biting female titan’s leg like a dessert.

“Fuck, there’s too many of them!” all of them surrounded her and started their feast. Erwin and Levi were near you, but you paid them no mind, they were alright, that’s enough for you.

Erwin’s command was clear as glass, mission failed, it’s time to retreat. But you didn’t. You stood there, watching her. Observing, as Erwin called it.

“Just a shell, no meat, just bones.” you said to yourself. “But, it’s not normal. Where is the human body?”

She was fighting like a beast, not like a prey. Being eaten by a titan was not an option for her, was it? She would achieve nothing by this step. Suicide? No. She is here somewhere. That’s it. Trained soldier! She’s one of us now!

“But my gas tanks are almost empty! Shit! Ok I will use my personal arm hook. But no shits this time!” it will save you at least remaining gas, for a while. Sliding from tree to tree you continued forwards.

A roar!! You continued to fly in the air, scanning area around, everything around you froze. “G-Gunther…Eld...Oulo…P-Petra…all of you…” speechless, wide eyes as you saw their broken dead bodies.

Finally, you could see him. “Eren?” in his titan form, fighting against the female titan. Eren was fighting, he could win but she cut his head off and bit him outside from his titan body, running away afterwards.

“Bitch! Give him back!” full of rage you cut her leg, stopping her from running off. Suddenly Mikasa flew to you. Screaming hysterically.

“What are you doing here!” trying to cut her, Mikasa’s blades just shattered.

“(F/N), he’s alive. I know it!”

“I know! But it’s no use!” she wanted to protest and attack, but Levi swung to her side and took her away.

“Fall back for now.” he was watching you, nodding you followed. “We will follow her, she’s exhausted.”

“Eren is in her mouth!” you said after a moment.

“Dead or alive?”

Mikasa gave him a look full of rage. “He’s alive, sir.”

He turned at you, with another nod you confirmed. “She could swallow him, if he’s in her stomach, he’s dead.”

“Nothing like this would have happened if you had protected him properly!” Mikasa barked at him.

You and Levi said nothing.

“We have only one objective. To get Eren back!” you finally said.

“Draw her attention and I’ll cut her.” Levi commanded.

‘ _Shit, my gas is almost done!_ ’ you thought. But still, you and Mikasa tried to catch her attention, to give Levi an opportunity. She noticed him and attacked. Levi got her eyes, you her ankles and Mikasa her hands. After falling on her butt, you gave her multiple cuts on her hand, with which she was guarding her nape.

You saw Mikasa approaching from the other side. Not noticing female titan’s flying hand, Levi behind her. “Mikasa! NO!” you speeded up, emptying your gas tanks and pushing Mikasa and Levi away from the way, pushing the blade deeply inside titan’s hand.

You were sent flying, the impact damaged your 3MD gear, falling towards the cold hard ground, but in the last moment you shot your personal arm hook, swung up and landed on the tree branch, hitting strain with your back, falling unconscious. 

“(F/N)!” Levi screamed, he wanted to go after you. You managed to get them away from the impact, but she still hurt him. _One objective, get Eren back._

With unbelievable speed and force he cut titan’s mouth open and took Eren away. Levi was trying to find your body somewhere, but couldn’t.

“Fall back, now!!!” he screamed at Mikasa.

He is not going to forgive himself for this. He had to left you there. You probably couldn’t survive the fall. His face darkened and a lone tear fell from his eye. Yes, he was crying, just like the female titan behind him was.

Eren woke up with a start. Mikasa rushed to his side. “Eren, don’t try to get up. Rest.”

“What happened? What about the plan? I just remember female titan and (F/N)’s scream.” he was confused.

“Female titan got away, but…(F/N) …” Mikasa looked guilty and was touching her scarf. “(F/N), saved my life by giving hers. Mission failed.” she said with a shaky voice. Eren’s eyes extended.

_Few hours earlier_

“Levi! Is that Eren?” Hange ran to help him with Eren’s limp body.

“Take him on the cart.” his voice was dark and full of pain.

Mikasa’s spirit was also down, eyes full of guilt and sorrow. “Capitan…I’m sorry.” she said and he jerked.

Hange was confused, she and Erwin exchanged glances. Mike rushed to meet them.

“Levi, where is (F/N)? Nanaba told me she went inside the forest to help you.”

Nothing, silence. They all gasped and Mike grabbed Levi’s collar, lifting his head to see his eyes. “Where is she?!”

“S-she saved my life, sir.” Mikasa told them exactly what happened.

“No…” Hange fell on her knees. “It can’t be…” holding her head in her palms.

Levi and Erwin were watching each other. Levi was trying to read his superior’s face, but it was same as always.

“Did you saw her dead body?” was all he asked.

“No.” answered Mikasa and Levi only shook his head. After this Erwin’s face softened. “Untie her horse, but leave it here. We are going back.”

“Wait! Erwin! We can’t leave her here like this!” called Mike.

“It’s on order.” he roared.

Mike was furious, he turned at Hange and Levi and with rage in his voice told them. “You…She heard you two speaking behind her back, the night she returned after her last mission. And do you know what she was thinking! That we all hate her! That we don’t care about her! That she is only a nuisance for us!” he was breathing rapidly. Erwin was listening too.

“Now, live with that!” was Mike’s last words, after that he returned to his squad.

Hange’s eyes was full of tears now, completely broken she couldn’t even stand up. Levi froze on the spot.

_‘It’s our fault.’_

Echoed in their minds.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

You awoke with a heavy coughing. A few drops of blood landed in front of you. On all four, you couldn’t stop your body from shaking.

 _“What the hell…happened?”_ you asked yourself, kneeling on the tree branch.

Titan. Female! Big tree! Eren! Levi! Mikasa...don’t!

Unaware of your body’s movements, you lifted your hand forward, grabbing air. Wincing in pain, you dropped your hand.

“Ahh, now I remember…” little confused memories, but nothing else. You wanted to save Mikasa and Levi.

Your hands were shaking, body hurting and legs decided to protest.

“Ok, first. Damage.” you whispered again.

Head wasn’t bleeding, confused maybe but good. Arms, left good. But the right, not good. You probably twisted your arm when you used your personal arm hook in such fast speed. Ribs were bad as well, probably busted or broken, but you could move so it was good. In the end legs. Twisted and sprained. Walking was fucking hard, but you had to move.

“You malingerer! Move your fucking ass!” 

Sun was setting, you saw last shiny beams of light. Your 3MD gear broken but you had your equipment and two fresh blades.

 _“You need to wait at least an hour or two. To regain some strength.”_ told you your brain and you gladly accepted.

After hour and half, or what you thought, you finally moved. Using both of your hands to balance your weight and let your right arm rest a little, you were swinging from tree to tree.

After a few moments, you noticed it was too quiet around. Taking matches from your pocked, you tore a piece of cloth from your cloak and light it. Dropping it from the hight you saw at least ten titans, grinning at you.

“Y-you fuckers! Wating, huh! Shame, I’m not going to be your dinner! Just wait a few hours!”

Yes, you need to get your ass from the forest and find a horse. If not, you’re doomed. You can never make it back to the Walls by foot, too far. Even in the night, it’s dangerous as hell. Some titans can be active a few hours after the sunset as well.

After an hour, you finally get on the edge of the wood, it was like eternity.

“Ok, some of those suckers are out of juice. Now it’s my chance!” attack was not your objective but you needed to secure the area around you. Using your hook and blades, you jumped on one titan and cut into his nape, killing him instantly. Turning at another one, cutting of his leg, when he fell to the ground, second kill. But the third pushed you with a slow motion against a tree. You cut his fingers off, blinded him and killed him too.

You were out of energy, too tired and broken, your body decided not to move at all now.

“Huuuh! Move!” you have to move. NOW!

One titan was reaching his arm out to grab you, but he was slow and it gave you an opportunity. You jumped on his arm you ran to his neck, stabbing deeply, killing him. The last one stopped moving all of sudden.

Out of juice? You used your hook to gain some speed and cut both of his legs off, finishing him as well.

Exhausted you fell on all four, coughing again. With a clumsy move, you stood up and as much as your lungs allowed, you whistled.

…Nothing!

Again!

…Nothing!

“No, it can’t be.” desperation was forming in your eyes. “I still need to tell them how I feel! I can’t die here!” 

Again! This time with more force!

…Nothing again. No wait! Hooves? Finally, he appeared in the distance. And in right timing, from the forest walked an ugly grinning titan.

“My buddy!” you ran after your horse, not waiting for him to stop. While running you skilfully but in pain, jumped on him. “Go! Go, home!”

The titan stopped and walked away. You slowed down a bit, not wanting to waste all the horse’s energy at once.

_Karanese District_

All squad leaders filled Erwin’s office after dismiss. Finally, when the door closed, he slammed his fists against his desk.

“Explain! What was she doing inside the forest!”

“Nanaba told me, she went after those titans which entered the forest, after female titan’s scream.”

“Who else saw her?”

“I did. She killed two of them. When titans were devouring that bitch, she was near. You saw her too, didn’t you?” Levi stepped closer.

“Yes, and after I gave a command to retreat?” Erwin met silence.

“I refilled my gas and saw her chase that titan again. She and that rookie told me, that Eren was captured, so our objective was to get him back.”

“And then, she saved that girl and you. And after that?”

“Erwin! She possibly couldn’t survive that fall! Female titan smashed her like a fly with such force, she’s lying somewhere broken!”

“Why have you wanted to untie her horse, but left him there afterwards?” Hange asked.

“You didn’t saw her dead body. And you told me Hange, that her new equipment worked.”

Hange narrowed. “You mean her personal arm hook?” Erwin nods. “You think, she used it and is still alive?”

“You…!” barked Levi at Erwin, trembling. “You can’t accept her death, so you gamble again? She is really just a tool for you, nothing else.”

Mike inhaled sharply. “At least I could say goodbye to her yesterday.”

You saw the Wall in front of you, but it wasn’t time to be happy yet. The moon was giving you at least some light. You have to make it in time. You were running out of time. You rode your horse in steady and slow pace, not wanting to waste his energy all at once. The final race will start soon, when the Sun rises. On your way back, you still had to make a few stops, to let him and yourself rest for at least a few minutes. Encountering just a few titans, you couldn’t let them live. But you were not proud, killing them in their sleep felt wrong. But still, you had no choice either.

You repeated in your head.

“ _If I won’t kill them now, they will kill someone else later.”_

The sky awoken.

“It’s dawn! Go! Hurry!” you spurred your horse, he galloped as fast as he could. The houses were in front of you.

Closer, you need to get closer! And then the first light fell on the ground.

You stopped near the gate and with a mighty roar you tried to draw attention of the guards on the Wall.

“DOWN HERE!”

Guards on the Walls were lazy, but nice people. In the end they were from the Garrison, under Commander Pixis command. You could imagine them sleeping one of their hangovers right now. But you don’t have time for that crap right now. Titans are waking up!

“You lazy Garrison drunks! DOWN HERE!” finally a head appeared on the Wall top.

“What? Is this some kind of titan trap?!” asked one of the guards.

You just whined. One titan noticed you and lazily ran after you. You had to left your horse there and jumped on the roof. You didn’t have any strength left inside your body again.

“As a niece of Commander Dot Pixes, I command you to let down the platform!” you screamed. You had no choice now. Your identity was revealed.

One of the guards screamed. “Let down the platform, quickly!” 

Titan climbed on the building, startling you. You waited for him to come closer on the roof, it was an old roof, one bad move and you could fall. He was now standing opposite you. You stamped heavily with a loud thud, roof cracked and titan and you were falling down. Using your hook again, you landed on the road, crying out in pain.

The platform was down finally. You called for your horse, locked and tied him inside the lift. But you couldn’t stay there with him, titans could easily grab the lift down. So, you ran away. “UP! LIFT, UP!”

The titan ran out from the house and brought some friends. Two seven-meters and one ten-meter titan. Can your luck be really in shits?

You needed to get somewhere hight. Running away from the lift, you jumped on the roof again. With caution, you lured them into your trap. They are stupid, you can do your trick twice right? When one fell inside the house, only his head was visible. You ran after him and with a scream sliced his nape. But the second one grabbed you and lifted you.

Is this your end? You made it so far!

“Come on! You shit! Eat me then!”

But bite never came.

“Defence squad! Guard and rescue!” shouted one of the guards. Second pulled you into his embrace and flew to safety, you grabbed him around his neck as if your life was depending on him. And it was, really.

“Rescued!” shouted your saviour and all of them retreated back on the Wall.

“Hey, you can let go now.” he said, but you shook your head, burying your face under his neck.

“No. I can’t. Not at once, baby steps, ok? Little by little.” you told him and all of them laughed. You laughed too, with tears in your eyes.

“I can’t believe a made it back!” you were now shaking and breathing shallowly.

“She has a panic attack!”

“Hey, hey! Look at me. You are safe. Now, breath with me, ok? Deeply, in and out.” he gripped your arm and squeezed it.

“No…no. I’m fine, but my ribs…” you coughed violently. “It hurts like a bitch!” guards chuckled and smiled at you.

“So, you are Commander Pixis’ niece?” they stared at you.

No common soldier in the Garrison or Survey Corps knew that Commander Pixis has a niece. Honestly, you could count probably only like five people who knew about that. Even Levi had no idea. 

“Yeah, big secret is out. Can you please keep if to yourself?” they all mustered a nod. “Thank you, by the way, where is he?”

“When the rest of the Scouts arrived yesterday, he went to see Commander Smith.”

“Great, receiving condolences. I need to go.” you tried to stand up, but almost fell.

“Are you crazy, in this state? Impossible!”

You looked at them with eyes full of determination. “I need to go! Thank you all for your help! I really love you for this. And I will explain Commander Pixis your actions, don’t worry.” you leaned a little closer to them and whispered. “And I will get you the best wine ever made.” they all laughed again, throwing their heads in the air.

You hooded your head with a black long cloak, your green Scouting cloak with wings of freedom was still on your back, but hidden. It was necessary, you knew how badly this last expedition ended, you don’t need to encourage any crowd to beat you up.

When you were crossing the gate inside the barracks of the Survey Corps, guard stopped you.

“Who are you and what do you want?”

You took your black cloak all off and watched his face break. You were covered in blood, dirt and sweat, smelling horribly. 

“Where are the others?” you asked.

“I-in the mess hall, i-its b-breakfast t-time.” like if he saw a ghost.

“Good.” you rode away, parking your horse right in the front door. Slowly you walked through the corridors inside the mess hall. You heard the buzzling of conversation from the next room.

_“Shame I don’t have some liquid courage. But I think my bumped head is enough. It’s time to make a scene.”_

You knocked the door open with a loud bam. There were not so many people inside, because it was still early morning, but still all heads turned at you. Suddenly silence and gasps filled the room.

“I, (F/N) (L/N), proclaim myself as the Humanity’s Strongest Soldier!” you chuckled and saw table where all the superiors sat. Mouths agape and frozen. “That’s right Capitan, I’m now stealing your title, with my newest score after this last expedition! Sixty-eight solo kills and twenty-one assistances!” after that you fell on your knees but still watched them all.

Mike was the first who ran to help you. Lifting you from the ground in to his arms.

“How are you, huh?” you smiled.

“Hange!” Mike shouted and she, Levi and Erwin ran after him to the medical wing.

Finally, you could sleep, for now.

Your eyes opened again slowly with a comfortable heat on your hand. A familiar face stood above you.

“Uncle.” you exhaled softly and squeezed his hand a little.

“I see you’re still as crazy as your father was.”

“But this craziness is from your side uncle. Glad to see you.” you smiled and sat up with a little difficulty. Bandages almost everywhere on your body, you scanned the room to see Erwin, Hange leaning against the wall, Levi sitting on a chair and Mike sitting on the window frame.

“I’m happy you are alive. You almost killed me by your dead. But Erwin seems to know you better than me. He kept saying that you will come back eventually.” he lifted one of his eyebrows.

“Gamble. Nothing more, nothing less.” your head dropped a little. Pixis patted your head and stood up.

“I will stay here one more day. If you want, you can come with me back to Garrison.” then he kissed your forehead and left.

With a smile on your face, nodding to yourself, you uncovered your legs to see the damage.

Bruises, cuts and scratches a little deformation. Nothing new, nothing broken and for that you were happy. Slowly standing up, you walked to face Erwin. Standing opposite him, looking up into his eyes you saluted to him.

“Ready for duty, sir.”

His eyes wide with shock, speechless. Fists clenching and body shaking, he pulled you into his arms.

“Aren’t you a little sentimental, Commander?” you stated with a cold voice. “After all, you knew I would come back.”

“I left you there.” he said with a hurting voice, pulling away from him you slapped his face.

“Yes, you idiot, you left me there! That’s your role as a Commander. I am a mere soldier! If you’re going to be soft like this, I will steal even your job as a Commander! Not only Humanity’s Strongest title but even a Commander.” he smiled and hugged you again, this time you hugged him back.

“Now, I’m not going to repeat this so you better listen.” you stepped away a little so everyone saw you.

“I know you hate me, and I know you don’t want me to be here. But this shit is too complicated for you to handle it alone. I want to help you, but I don’t want to see your sad faces whenever I’m near you. You can’t lie to me like this! Stop pretending and face me already! Do you really want me to leave?” you were the one crying now.

Mike stood up and walked closer to you, hugging you from behind.

“Please, answer me. You are my family and I can’t see you being unhappy. Mainly when I’m the reason.”

Hange finally moved and slapped you, then hugged you. “We love you too, you big silly idiot. We wanted to keep you save, to protect you. Not to chase you away.”

You shove away your tears. “Good! Because I’m not going anywhere.” cracking a smile again.

When you all calmed down, you lay back on the hospital bed and told them everything what happened. About Armin’s injury, female titan’s weird behaviour and what happened after you lost consciousness. Hange explained what happened with the expedition afterwards.

“I told you this will save someone’s life.” you looked at Hange and your right arm. “Thank Gods my blades were ok. I’ve been incredibly lucky. Still can’t believe I’m actually alive.”

“You need rest, plenty of it. So, no thinking and sleep for now, we will be back to wake you up before dinner.” Hange knocked lightly on your forehead.

“Dinner, huh. Thank you.” you smiled and closed your eyes.

Now in the room were only you and Levi. His eyes full of guilt and regrets.

“Do you want a slap too?” you asked.

His head just bow lower. “I…left you.”

“And?” you didn’t understand.

“I should protect you better or to go searching for you.”

“You saved Eren. That’s enough. He’s alive and well, so am I.”

“Brat, at least be angry with me!”

“Why should I be. You did the right thing. I’m angry at myself, because I wasn’t fast enough to stop her from hurting you. Only if I were faster!” you gripped the sheets with such a force, your knuckles went white. Hands hurting.

“It will heal in no time.” he looked at his leg.

“They are gone…I saw them in the forest.” 

Levi knew you were talking about his old squad members, but he said nothing, he couldn’t say anything because for him it was also a great loss.

“Levi?” you said his name with such a sweet tone, it sent shivers down his spine. “We will avenge them.” your eyes were full of rage and fire.

He almost stopped breathing, he was thinking exactly the same thing and you knew. Corners of his mouth twitched. You were too dangerous right now. He wasn’t in a good state of mind and you were using it against him. He has to be more careful, hold his façade better.

You were watching him, eyes boring into his soul, searching his feelings. It was far easier in a quiet room, far more amusing. His face now wore the same emotionless and bored expression as always, at least he tried. But his eyes were betraying him, showing his inner battle with emotions. Guilt, because he was still blaming himself for what happened to you and his squad members. Sadness, for his fallen comrades with hints of rage and anger. Awareness that you were in his head and in the end defence. 

You grinned at him. “Capitan Ackerman, you should probably go to sleep. You are showing far too many emotions right now. And I forbid you to feel guilty, allow you to be sad and angry, and advice you to guard your mind better.”

His crossed hands fell from his chest. “Stop using your brain on me, or I will knock you out.” he said in the end and left.

Grinning like a child with favourite candy you closed your eyes and tried to catch a few hours of well deserved sleep. Slowly you felt your body relax a little, breathing in and out evenly. What seemed like hours were actually minutes for you now, and now it hit you. Another theory your brain pushed forward.

You got up from your bed so fast, you fell on your knees and elbows. In a hurry you took plain black shirt and new white uniform trousers from the seat opposite your bed and quickly left the room.

Running wasn’t the best thing to do but still you had to hurry. Climbing the stairs and stumbling through another corridor, finally you were standing in front of Erwin’s office. Knocking with more force than you wanted, from inside you heard his strong voice.

“Name and business.”

“I need materials for my observation, sir.”

“Come in.”

After opening the door, you frowned. The Military police. Tension in the air was strong, their hands were in fists and Erwin’s shoulders were tense. His look was saying one word, trouble. Your eyes were full of concern, you looked at the three men and back at the Commander. He slightly shook his head only for you to notice.

“Am I allowed to take the documents alone, sir?” you asked and he nodded. You were taking one file after another, but in a way the MPs couldn’t see which files you were taking away. When you collected what you needed, you walked near his desk and looked him in the eyes. Your back facing the MP’s.

“I need your signature, sir.” you took a small sheet of paper from your pocket and handed it to him. He took it without a word and with a pen wrote some words on the paper. “Thank you, sir.” after that you left.

When you walked back, you glanced on the words.

_'The bill is on me.'_

Shit! So it started, huh. Thinking about Erwin as a traitor is absurd, but this is not an idea just from any head. This is very complicated move. Someone wants Erwin gone. But who?

“Hange? You here?” you knocked on her room door, but no response. It wasn’t locked so you walked inside but regretted it immediately.

“Hell no!” mess everywhere, papers all around the room and not even a bit of space for you and your work. “Ok, Levi’s office will be much better.” you said with a chuckle. Slamming the door behind, you walked to Levi’s office.

Locked. Crap.

But not for long! Grinning again, you took a small catch from your pocked and your hair clip and unlocked the door.

“Yay! Thanks Mire, you’re the best teacher ever.” slowly you closed the door and started your work.

Soon, Levi’s office looked like Hange’s room, full of papers and mess. In the centre of the room you had bigger sheet of paper with a long straight timeline in its centre and small writings around. Currently you were writing on different sheet of paper, full of names and status.

Each name had information you founded and needed.

_Name, dead or alive, if alive where is the person now._

Once you were done, you cleaned all papers around the room, placed them back in their files and with three different papers you sat behind Levi’s desk. Names you excluded, you crossed with a pen.

Five names left. Ok, that will do.

You left Levi’s office with only three papers, files lying on his table, covered under some other documents.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

In the mess hall Levi and Eren were waiting for Erwin and the others to gather there. But to Levi’s annoyance, Erwin was late. As expected, he was held by the Military police in his office after all. Just some friendly discussion they called it, instead of interrogation. But finally, the door opened and Erwin walked inside, Armin and Mikasa behind him.

You saw the door closing, but you slammed your palm to stop it. They all turned around to face you. With heavy coughing from the running, you leaned against the door.

“I…I got… it!” confused they waited for you to sit down. “The female titan’s identity.”

“What?” echoed in the room.

“I will explain, but let me catch my breath.” you sat down.

“We also suspect someone. That’s why Armin and Mikasa are here too.” Erwin said. “That’s why you wanted the files of 104th Training corps? To find the identity of the female titan?”

“Yes, but I bet my explanation will be a bit weird, my brain is working only with like half capacity.” you squeezed your head in your palms.

“Start now.” Erwin said.

“Ok, so according to information’s given by files I excluded names of dead members and people I don’t suspect. But I need to explain why I wanted to investigate only members of 104th.” you took the bigger sheet and put in on the table centre.

“This timeline shows big events in last five years until now.” you pointed on the year 845, Shiganshina District. “This event was somehow a start. It was a first time we encountered the Colossus titan.” you looked at Eren and the rest of the kids in front of you. Then you slid your finger on the year 850.

“Nothing else happened after that, but in this year. The Colossus titan appeared again, in some weird circumstances when 104th Corps were located in Trost District. And now, the female titan was wandering suspiciously around the members of 104th” you turned at Erwin.

“Erwin, Hange told you, that the Colossus titan appeared and disappeared within a mere second. We saw female titan do this trick twice in a row. When you called for retreat yesterday, I was watching the bunch of smaller titans devouring the female titan, and then it hit me. Person in the female titan's body, jumped out before the smaller grade titans could eat the actual person. Disguised itself and ran away as an ordinary person.”

“Yes, I told Hange the same thing when we were heading back.”

“The same happened when Colossus titan appeared in Trost and members of 104th were on the Walls. So, this is the one of many connections I found. But here’s a problem. Kids decided to split apart and join different Military divisions. Some of them died in Trost and some of them are now members of Survey Corps, twenty-one to be exact.”

“I’m lost, you are saying that one of our comrades is actually another person with titan abilities?” Eren said with a shaky voice.

“Listen, me and Armin were on female titan’s tail the longest time. I know that everyone who was with me that time can’t be the female titan. But if she’s a member of the Survey Corps, why was she so disoriented on the field. If she was a member of the Scouts, she would know about our plan. Well, partly at least. First, she took Armin’s cape to see his face, she was able to recognize him. And her combat abilities are highly advance, she surely isn’t a member of Scouts. I’m observing everyone here, and I can tell that female titan is not within the Scouts.

Next, after my last mission I sneaked in the Military Police headquarters for some information about Largo’s pawns. But I saw there someone who coughed my attention. Young blond girl, from 104th. She joined MPs after graduation.” you saw Armin’s eyes widen and he wanted to speak, but you stopped him with your hand.

“When Erwin had his magnificent speech month ago, I saw in your group a blond girl with bored face, almost as bored as Capitan’s here. No emotions, annoyed all the time, but still strong and hard. It was her.” you took a second sheet and read the name.

“Annie Leonhart. And after this, I’m almost sure. Instructor Shadis' evaluation on Annie. _The angle of approach of her slashing attack is impeccable…she carves deeply into the target._ ” you read it aloud. “Hell, the female titan really carved deeply.”

“It fits perfectly. I even think Annie was the one who killed Squad leader Hange’s titans. In the equipment inspection I noticed she presented Marco’s gear. On the field she reacted on us, members of the 104th and she knew how Eren looks like.” Armin followed.

“Yes, that’s right. Marco Bott died in Trost District, without his gear on his body.” you stated and Armin nodded.

“But it’s not a proof, you just think it’s her, right?” Levi said unmoved by all the facts.

“I have a proof, her face. The female titan’s face looked like Annie’s.” Mikasa defended Armin and you.

But Eren still couldn’t believe it. You saw his eyes and face muscles. He doesn’t want to believe it was Annie. But when Mikasa remained him about Annie combat skills, he froze.

“We move the day after tomorrow and will capture her once and for all.” Erwin started to explain his plan. When he was done, Eren was still unsure about it all. He understood the plan, but still had doubts about Annie. He simply didn’t want to believe it.

“(F/N), the files please.” Erwin stood up and remained you.

“Shit, I forgot.” you turned at Levi. “Levi give me your office key, please. I don’t want to pick a lock again.”

“Brat? You actually broke into my office?” he stood up.

“I needed some quiet place to work with my brain and Hange’s room was a big mess, Erwin was busy and I don’t know where Mike’s room is. I had no choice. It was secret I couldn’t take it back in the hospital room with me.”

He looked pissed, but in the end agreed. “Come, brat. And better hope it’s clean, or you are going to run laps around the Walls, even in your state.”

“Yeah, yeah got it. I will steal your reserve key next time.” you wanted to go but Eren and Mikasa stopped you.

“I want to apologize. I disobeyed the order, and you got hurt because of my recklessness.”

You waited a moment, then grabbed her shoulders. “I’m glad you are alive you idiot. Don’t be reckless next time.” then you smiled mildly and left with Levi.

“You should at least punch her one.” Levi said on the way back to his office.

“I should punch you instead. We both know I was just a little faster than you, even you wanted to protect her, so shut up Ackerman.”

“And you are saying your brain works now with half capacity? Then don’t come closer when you are all right.”

“Yes, sir.” you knew he meant it only as a joke but you couldn’t help it.

After opening the office door, he sat behind the desk. “Shame, it’s clean here.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t do it again.” you took the files and left.

_Erwin’s office_

“Here you go.” you returned the files to their rightful place and gave him the third sheet of paper. “They are suspicious to me. I believe they are hiding something.”

_Ymir…Krista Lenz…Reiner Braun…Bertolt Hoover…Annie Leonhart_

Erwin read the manes. “Anything specific?”

You just shook your head. “I need time. By the way, what I’m supposed to do next? And don’t you dare to say nothing!”

You knew he wanted to keep you away, safe because of your injuries, but you were not a little kid. You can handle the pain.

“You can’t be near me, that’s for sure. Military Police is also trying to dig out your identity and your past. You have to be careful.”

“They probably think I’m your relative, they just want to have some lever to pull on you.”

“For now, you are under Mike’s command, you will be keeping an eye on the rest of the 104th members. You can learn some more information’s about these four names.”

“Fine, but you better capture that bitch, I have some unfinished business with her.”

After this conversation you found yourself wondering around the corridors. Still thinking about everything what happened yesterday, those five names on your list and upcoming mission to capture Annie.

Something is missing here. What is it?

Your head started to hurt again, throbbing. You had to grab the wall, to steady yourself.

“We can’t leave you alone even a few minutes, right?”

“Minutes? I was gone for hours. Are you losing your ability then?” you chuckled.

Mike lifted an eyebrow, then took you into his arms and carried you back in the hospital room.

“Good work, Mike.” Hange grinned when he placed you on your bed. “You were supposed to stay here.”

“I wanted to really, but my brain attacked me from an ambush. By the way Hange, clean your fucking room. It’s a mess.”

She just laughed. “How’s your head?”

“Bad and screaming. I need to somehow stop my brain.” you sighed and placed your hand on your forehead. “I’m under your command Mike, glad for having me?”

“Finally, I thought Erwin would keep you away from me all the time.” Mike said with concerned face and you laughed.

“Now I’m scared. What are your plans with me, Mr. Zacharias?” you chuckled.

“The worst ever. I will tie you to bed, and you will rest.”

“I can say only one word after this.” Hange grinned. “Enjoy!”

“Alright. I will rest.”

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Your horse was restless, he was twitching and resisting on your way to the housing facility, where the rest of 104th and Mike’s squad headed. You climbed off of his back and grabbed his head.

“Why are you so stubborn today?” you’ve had enough. But he braced himself on his hind legs and squealed. “Seriously!” you grabbed his reins and walked with him instead of riding.

Walking was fine, you were actually way ahead from the others. Your legs were trembling like jelly, but you had time. You let your horse run as he pleased, so he galloped ahead, but now he didn’t want to move an inch on his own.

In your head was still early morning event and you wanted to forget it all. Red as tomato you continued in your way ahead.

_Night - Morning_

After dinner you went back to the medical room, kicked up the covers and buried yourself deep inside the warmth. When you told the rookies that you were going with them, they all cheered, especially Sasha.

You wanted to sleep, but fate decided it’s way too comfortable for you to have some peaceful sleep, so you had to watch the ceiling. Unable to sleep. Great really.

Suddenly you heard someone open the door, you curled into a ball, pretending to be asleep. Someone walked closer to your bed and sat down on the end. 

“Stop pretending (F/N), I know you can’t sleep too.” said a familiar voice with very bored undertone.

“You remember my name? I’m impressed.” you turned on the other side to face him, still lying down. “What’s wrong?”

No answer, just silence and no words.

“Levi? Why are you here?” you lifted your body on your elbow.

“I was thinking…” he finally said but stopped.

“Well, it’s never good.” he threw a deadly glance at you and your mouth corners twitched. “My apologies, continue please.”

“I’m sorry that I took advantage of you back then. But I don’t regret it, if I could, I would do that over again.”

You were speechless. Deadly frozen. Men!

“How the fuck can you think about it, in this mess what’s happening?! I’m sorry but it’s the last thing I have on my mind.”

“Good, because don’t expect me to think about it either, in this mess what’s happening.” 

“I’m sorry! I’m not the one who brought this topic up!”

What’s wrong with him! Is he drunk? No. Lonely? Sure, who isn’t. Maybe he just wanted to apologise, but it’s hell shitty apology. But in the end, you won’t get any better from him.

“If you want to stay, take the other bed.” you pointed at the second bed in defeat, right next to yours. “We both need to rest, so use it.”

He walked over and lay down on the bed, hands behind his head watching the ceiling above him.

“What do you want to do after this mess? Because I really can’t think about anything.” you asked out of blue.

“Me neither.” he said simply. “Try to get some sleep.”

“You too, you have black circles under your eyes.” you said and closed your eyes.

You woke up before dawn, there was still dark outside. Yet, slowly but surely the Sun was coming up. You felt warmth on your back, still confused from the sleep you wanted to turn around, but couldn’t. Something was holding you in place, or rather someone.

“Fuck no…” you whined inaudibly. Levi was actually hugging your form, your head was resting on his arm, legs between his and his head was cuddled in your hair.

“Levi, wake up and explain.” you said blankly, but with enough force to wake him.

“Brat, it’s still night…sleep.” he said without opening his eyes.

“Impossible.” you said. You’re not embarrassed about being held by him, hell not. This time you were at least clothed, not like the last time. But still, he can’t do this.

He exhaled deeply and lifted his arm which was resting on your waist.

“If you haven’t noticed yet, you’re the one who moved from the bed.” his hand curled around your body again, hugging you more tightly. You shivered when you felt his hot breath on your ear. “So, don’t blame me.” he chuckled.

Shit! You realised, you were not in your hospital bed, but in his. Why? No. All you wanted, was to keep a distance from every man at all cost. No relationship! NOTHING!

You turned your head to face him and he pressed his forehead against yours.

Your heart started pounding rapidly with anticipation and desire. But you knew what you wanted, so you smiled and leaned against his head as well.

“Make that bitch pay. For what she did to them.” after that you wanted to get up, but he was still holding you.

“Don’t you dare to die.” Levi said to you, got up and left the room.

_Present_

“(F/N)? What’s wrong with your horse?” Mike galloped to meet you and jumped from his horse as well, walking beside you.

“I don’t know! He got some issues. Never did this before.”

Mike grabbed his reins and walked him towards the stables. When he took of the saddle and bags, the horse in his stubbornness jumped away from him and ran away, bridle still on his head.

“STOP! No.” you ran from the stables, but your horse was gone in seconds. Running south and immediately turning around, you lifted your eyebrows.

“That’s not good! You can’t be without a horse.” Mike ran after you.

“I thought he wanted to run home, but it’s weird. He’s circling around now.” you patted Mike’s shoulder. “Don’t worry he may be stubborn, but he’s more like a dog than a horse. He will return, just probably wanted to run freely without a saddle.”

“I hope.”

After a few more minutes Nanaba arrived with the rest. All rookies were after some hours accommodated and changed in civil clothes. It was early evening when everything was set up, so you went to help the rest of the girls to cook dinner. You wanted to take away the gear belts, but changed your mind. After what happened with Annie, hell you will even sleep with them on.

You didn’t even realise that you were humming a song, when you were washing the vegetables. All girls stopped their work to listen you better, watching you.

“Something’s wrong?” you lifted your head and asked, when you saw they all turned at you.

“N-nothing, just you were humming a nice melody.” Sasha answered.

“Really? Sorry, it slipped me.”

“What’s the song about?” asked Krista with her big blue eyes and warm smile.

Turning around you faced the window. “Me and my comrades were singing this song long time ago. It’s actually part of the lyrics. _And it’s always like that in the evening time, we drink and we sing when our fighting is done._ ” you went back to work. Smiling bittersweetly. “Almost all of them are dead now.”

Shocked and sad because of what you told them, their heads fell down.

After dinner you were sitting with Sasha, Connie, Reiner and Bertolt finishing your second personal arm hook. With screws, metal pieces, tools and junk, you made quite a mess, but Sasha volunteered to help you. After a while she gave up, not understanding what you were doing, so she just watched.

“Say (F/N), I wanted to ask you for a while now, how long you are in the Corps?” asked Connie with a dreamy face. You were not sure if he was asking because he wanted to know, or just because there was silence around the table.

“Right, I wanted to ask too. How old are you actually?” Sasha joined.

You chuckled and your eye twitched. “Hell trust me, I’m a lot older than you. I feel like your mother or older sibling. But how long am I in the Survey Corps? Jeez, I don’t remember. I was like ten when I had to live in the Garrison Regiment, in fifteen I joined the Corps for five years I think and then left. Sasha, you know I frequently leave for my secret missions. But after three years, they called me back to fight again as a member of the Survey Corps. I might be wrong with some numbers but it’s almost correct. Right Mike?”

You faced the opened window and Mike’s torso appeared in the window frame. You knew he was on the duty outside, but rookies were surely surprised to see him.

“Yeah, you’re practically old lady now.” he smirked and you pushed him comically out from the window, closing it slightly.

“Yeah yeah old lady!”

“So that’s why you were able to survive outside the Walls. You are experienced and have knowledges.” nodded Reiner.

“Knowledge?” you repeated. “No, that’s what we lack. Trapped like some monsters, to be eaten alive by even bigger monsters. For what? Is this a game? Gods hates us? We don’t know.” you were watching Reiner and Bertolt. “The reason I survived was only and only my instinct to live.”

Reiner’s eyes were wide and shocked, the same way Sasha’s and Connie’s. But you concentrated on Bertolt, his eyes were telling you something.

Amazement, shock, guilt and then fear and detachment? You smirked when you noticed his gaze travelled to Reiner.

 _They know something!_ Your brain screamed. But what they know, is it dangerous? Or better question, are they dangerous? You observed the whole room, suddenly yours and Ymir’s eyes locked.

_Ymir? Ymir-sama. Ymir’s people._

Fuck!

“Alright rookies! Night time!” announced Nanaba with Thomas and the hall began to empty.

“I’m sorry Reiner. You know my head and mouth can be sometimes weird. Don’t mind my words, I’m just glad I’m alive and I can be here with you.” you grabbed his hand and smiled at him and Bertolt.

“No problem.”

“Night kids.” you waved and cleaned your work place.

You and Mike met after a curfew behind the watch tower. Silent as a cat you slipped out from the shadow.

“You saw that?” you asked.

“That tall kid was unsure and afraid. He’s probably hiding something.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure but Reiner seems like he’s not involved in this, but Bertolt turned his gaze at him in one moment, like he sought help from him. Like seeking help from your partner in crime.”

“Which means, he’s really great actor.”

“Maybe, I’m not sure.”

They all were watching you with shock, eyes still on you. But only Bertolt moved his gaze away in fear and guilt.

Gods, it’s hard. “One more thing. Did you know Ilse Langnar? Soldier killed outside the Walls along with her squad members, about a year ago.”

“Yes, I knew her, why?”

“Tell me, was her face similar to this new rookie Ymir?”

Mike frowned, crossed his arms on his chest and inhaled sharply, thinking.

“Actually, yes. Almost same hight, freckles on their faces, dark hair and not so pale skin, even their head shape is a bit similar.”

You were right! So, it means Ymir might have some secrets too. She surely knows something more about titans.

“Seems like your brain is back in action.” Mike patted your head.

“No, something’s still missing! It’s like catching water with my fingers!”

You both climbed on the watch tower. You sat on the stone edge, kicking your legs in the air you leaned against Mike’s wide torso. He stood behind your form and hugged your shoulders, resting his chin on your head.

“Say, nothing will happen to them tomorrow, right?”

“You want me to lie to you?”

“No big brother.”

“Then don’t ask.” you noticed Mike started to sniff something. You just smiled.

“Nanaba, Geldar come here and join us.” you stated and they appeared behind you and Mike on the tower top. “We have a little sentimental moment here.”

Nanaba sighed and sat next to you, letting her legs fall over the edge as well.

“Bro, hug her too, she needs it.” you grinned.

Mike let you go and sat next to Nanaba, she just rolled her eyes. She liked Mike, you were sure of it, but she was shy to show it in front of the others.

“You don’t need my friendly hug, since you were held all night, right.” he smirked at you.

You almost fell down from the tower.

Geldar grinned and Nanaba chuckled.

“Yeah, and where were you, my sworn brother, to protect me and save me?”

He said nothing, just lifted his head to watch the stars with a mischievous smile.

In your head again sounded the song you were humming before, in the sky, faces of all your friends appeared, smiling back at you. Some of them dead for a long time now, some not even buried or found.

Isabel, Furlan, your first squad, friends from training days, Garrison members killed when the Wall Rose had been breached, Cis, Ness, Petra and the rest of Levi’s squad.

You laughed. “Look, who came back.” you rushed down from the tower to meet your buddy. “Come here, you big oaf, come here.” you were patting your tights with anticipation, luring him back to you.

At last, the horse walked closer and licked your face. You settled him in the stables patting his nape while hugging him.

Mike just smirked on the tower top. “Really, acts more like a dog than a horse.”

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Another dream hunted your mind.

You wanted to forget that day ever happened. Never remember it again. After your expedition, where your squad members died, you were restless, tense and anticipated all the time. You wanted…no…you needed to kill something again. To fell the hot blood on your hands again, to slice their flesh again.

When you woke up after the expedition, you were silent. Talked to no one. No emotions, no fear, nothing. The others were so worried about you, but you didn’t care.

Why to care, you asked yourself. You cared for your last squad members before and they were dead now. So, why care to for someone?

All you wanted was blood. Blood. Feel the adrenalin filling your body and lost control again. You were like addicted without his drug.

You couldn’t sleep, you were always thinking about going outside the Walls and killing some titans.

And one day, you actually did that. Without permission, you took your 3DM gear, a horse and left behind the Walls. Climbing the Wall early in the morning, so no one could see you. Later you started killing every titan you met. But the members of the Garrison saw you and reported your actions immediately to Commander Smith. Only Erwin, Levi, Mike and Hange rushed after you. When they saw you on the field, they froze. You were covered in blood, hands lifted to the sky, with a wicked grin on your face.

They wanted to get you back behind the Walls, but when Levi and Mike came closer to you, you attacked them. You were so caught in the moment, that you couldn’t even recognise them. Ridiculous thing to say, but it was true. Swinging skilfully with your swords, all four of them had to jump on you to hold you and stop you. After knocking you out, they took you back home.

Erwin and your uncle agreed to bury that event deep down, not to speak of it ever again. People from the Garrison who saw that, also agreed.

When you woke up again, you were locked in the cell. Hange, concerned, was watching your form. She asked what was wrong with you and because you haven’t cared at that time, you told her what you’ve done. You explained her that all your feelings turned into bloodlust. Exciting feelings about killing and enjoyment. Of course, she told about that Erwin and the others. They eventually let you go from the cell, only to be limited with your duties.

And then, your uncle came to see you. Only Erwin knew back then, who you really were. But when they saw you, it was not good. A doll. No life in your eyes, no emotions visible. Like if you were asleep, only with your eyes opened. Not answering on their questions and plea. Trapped in your own head.

Levi was broken, not only because you two back then were really close. But you pushed him completely out, not caring anymore, without a single word you shut him out. He loved you at that time, maybe. But you made things difficult, hard and complicated. He saw you a few times, but it was too much for him to see you like that.

But he wanted to do something to wake you from your trans. To show you, that feelings are supposed to be felt. And he done what he thought was right, or probably did the first thing that crossed his mind. Showing you feelings not by words, but by his actions.

Late at night, he sneaking inside your room and claimed you. Not caring about consequences. He just wanted you to feel again, show you what love truly was. He wanted you to remember him. And that night, you truly started to feel again. But it only broke your heart more. When you woke up in the morning, naked in his arms, you wanted to cry like a baby. Not sure if he did it because he really loved you, or because you were just there. If he used you only for his own pleasure. You two never actually talked about it.

And how could you. You immediately left to see your uncle and told him, to use you like he wanted. To use you like a tool for the Military, you wanted at least clear your sins somehow, begging him not to put you in the cage again.

So, he and Erwin made a deal that day. And the same day, you left the Survey Corps. You apologised for your actions, but when Levi realised you were running away, he cruelly told you to go and never come back.

After that, you were dull. Unable to feel and understand properly the feelings of the others. But after what happened to Mire and Nora. You couldn’t let Mire to end up like you.

You met the superiors of the Corps only occasionally, when you were receiving new missions or were giving reports about the finished ones. And they welcomed you always with a bright smile and warm welcome. Well, not Levi of course, but you two have seen each other several times.

Levi, was Levi. Brutal, hard, emotionless, annoyed and bored all the time. But he cared for you. He still somehow loved you. But he knew that you started hating him after what he had done.

And time went on. Yet you loved him too. You still love him. But you are at war now, both soldiers with your duties. You were pissed because you thought he just used you.

You both never spoke about your true feelings together, because now was not the time. And probably never will, but you never know.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

In the morning you woke up and ran out from your room to vomit. Scaring the other girls in the bathroom to death. You were now leaning against the wall, sitting on the floor, breathing heavily. Horrible taste in your mouth kicked you, so you immediately rinsed your mouth.

“(F/N), are you really ok?” asked confused Krista, kneeling beside you.

“I’m good. My body is probably still recovering from the shock because of my injuries. Sorry to scare you like this.” you apologised and gave her a weak smile. She nodded and helped you to get up.

You knew why you were so nervous today, because today the others were supposed to fight against Annie. You felt knot in your guts, but something else was telling you, that today was not going to be a good day. You washed yourself, brushed your teeth and got dressed, prepared for the day.

Mike and you met at breakfast, sitting together with the other veterans. Discussing your duties for today. After breakfast you all climbed on the watch tower again, scanning the area. The fresh air helped you to calm down a little, but you still felt horrible. And the fate knew why.

Mike suddenly inhaled sharply and flinched, turning on the tower top to facing south now.

“Thomas! I need you to deliver a report!” you all were confused at first but when you looked into the distance, you saw a group of titans, marching your way.

“Shit! What are they doing here? Has the Wall Rose fell?” you cursed.

Nanaba jumped from the tower and forced herself into the window, warning and telling the younger Scouts about the situation. You and Mike were standing on the roof top.

Nanaba returned. “What now? Should we act like if the Wall Rose had been breached? Nearby districts would report if the Wall had fallen, right?”

You weren’t listening Nanaba’s suggestions. You were thinking again. How in the hell this could have happened? If the Wall Rose had been breached, how? The Colossus titan? The Armored titan? No, you would saw the lightning or the steam if any of them appeared here. The Wall was not so far away, by the way how could you miss to see sixty-meter giant creature, kicking the Wall.

Besides, your brain can’t just somehow make a suggestion about someone being a titan shifter. You were sure that they were here with you. You were using logic and deduction, there’s no way you were wrong. Right?

Nanaba suddenly fell on her knees, trembling. It pulled you from your thoughts.

Humanity has lost? No…Mike’s words were right.

“No. Only when we stop fighting, we lose. As long as we keep fighting, we haven’t lost.”

Mike’s plan was to split up and warn the villages nearby, evacuate as many as possible. And find the damage made on the Wall Rose. Riding on your horses, you all had work to do.

“Is someone familiar with this area?” he asked.

Sasha and Connie agreed.

“M-my village is south, where the titans are coming from.” said Connie, he had horror in his eyes. “I have to try, if there’s anyone alive. It’s surely hopeless, but I have to…”

“Connie, we are going with you. Right, Bertolt? You're going too?” asked Reiner.

“Sure, I’m coming too.” Bertolt agreed with an uncertain look.

You were watching their little chat and felt bad about yourself. What if you were really wrong about them?

 _“Where the titans are coming from?”_ you repeated in your head.

“Reiner! Bertolt! Connie! Be careful, understood.” you eyed them with a concerned look. They all nodded. “You too Sasha! All of you! Stay strong, be cautious and survive at all cost!”

After your little speech, you turned at the titans behind you. Out of blue, they started running after you.

“Shit! They’re running. Mike! I will buy you some time!” you screamed and turned your reins on the side.

Mike was thinking. But not for long, he won’t let you here alone again. Putting the second man in command in charge, he galloped after you.

You hid your horse inside the building. He could get scared and run too far away for you to call him back. Jumping in the air, you sliced the first titan. Mike behind you took down the other one.

“Mike!” you smiled.

“I won’t let you alone, not again.”

You both fought, killing one titan after another. But it was hard, you had no hook points here. Only the building and the watch tower. Bad move and you could be their lunch now.

Only four left.

But suddenly, a huge hairy titan with unnaturally long arms appeared in the view.

“Mike.” you said silently when he tried to call his horse back.

Mike knew about him, watching him with concern. “It must be another abnormal.”

“But why is he just walking around? This one is weird. This beast.” you said, not letting your eyes of off him. 

Mike’s horse ran closer, but what you didn’t expect was the beast titan grabbing the horse from the ground like a toy. He stretched his hand backwards and threw the horse at you.

“Cover!” you screamed, but it was too late.

You jumped in the air, but the roof was hit by the horse and you fell inside the house. Mike jumped on the other side, but fell from the roof, only to be grabbed by a small titan.

He was pulling Mike inside his mouth hungrily, but you sliced his neck with a scream.

“Put him down!” you landed on the ground and in a hurry ran to Mike. His legs were bitten, bleeding, but still there. He was alive. “Mike!” 

Around you, titans stood, waiting. Watching you. Then, the beast titan sat behind you, he was watching you closely with interest, smiling.

One smaller titan walked closer, but he stopped him?

“ _Wait_.”

You heard him spoke? What in the hell? A titan is following a command?

_“What is it, that weapon. The one that allows you to fly around?”_

You were staring at him. Your brain heard right? Talking like a normal human. But it was a titan. No wait, Eren is also a titan. But he can’t speak. Could inside him, be another human?

 _“I thought we spoke the same language.”_ he said, scratching behind his ear.

You can think later, you thought for yourself. Standing up you guarded Mike.

“If I’ll tell you what this weapon is and how it works, will you call the other titans off and let us go?”

He was watching you with more interest now, thinking what to answer to you.

_“I have better idea. Show me again.”_

He pointed at the three remaining titans. You ran in wild speed, killing the one near you in a second, then you jumped in the air, using your gas to lift you up high. Hooked from the right side of the building, you sliced titan’s neck, the one’s which was hiding behind the corner. Then you turned around in the air, slightly touched the roof and killed the shy one in instance. Running to guard Mike when you finished.

“Brother! Stay low.” you said to Mike.

You saw the Beast titan’s eyes widen a little. Was it because you killed them all? No.

 _“Brother?”_ he asked.

“You wanted to see how it works. I know how to build this even. Do you have any questions?” you asked him, griping the blades tightly. He was watching you and then lowered his very long index finger at you.

_“Would your brother mind, if I took it.”_

It wasn’t a question and you knew it. He was simply politely telling you to give it to him.

Mike rolled on his stomach in pain. “Take it off.” he told you.

You unclipped the barrel mechanism from his back and handed it to the beast. But before you pulled away, you asked.

“Will you do us no harm? Can I treat him and leave with him?”

He was staring at you.

_“Save your brother.”_

“Thank you.”

He pulled the gear from your grasp and left you there. You watched him walk a few more meters, then fell into Mike’s arms.

“Are you alright?” you asked with a cracked voice.

Mike was holding you tightly, breathing heavily. His heart pounding rapidly. “I don’t know. But we can’t stay here. You have to go.”

“I won’t leave you here! For the first time in the history of mankind I will take a command from a titan. I will save you!” you whistled loudly and your horse ran from the building to you. You took the bandages from your side bag and started to treat his bitten legs.

“I couldn’t even manage to let out one syllable from myself.” Mike stated with a hiss, when you were nursing his legs.

“Me too, but I realised after a moment. It’s not a titan. It’s like with Annie and Eren. There’s a human inside. And something is telling me, that he’s not from here.”

Mike’s eyes darkened. “You mean, like…” he started and you nodded in instance.

“He is from the outside world.”

Thomas had to hurry. He was sprinting through the corridors of the Stohess Headquarters. Smacked the door open and screamed.

“Commander Erwin!! Terrible! The Wall Rose has been breached!”

Erwin’s eyes went wide. What! Wall Rose! Wait, Thomas was supposed to be with Mike and you. So, it means you are there with them!

“What?!”

Commander Pixis was in the Garrison Headquarters in Trost District. As usually, sitting behind his desk, reading reports. Someone suddenly slammed the door open with a scream.

“Commander Pixis!! The titans are coming!!”

From the south? Wall Rose? But you were near the Wall Rose, outside. Eyes wide, Commander Pixis could only hope that his niece was safe. 

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

You and Mike were finally moving closer to the Ehrmich District. You tried to even the horse’s pace. Mike was losing blood and was tired. His wounds were nasty and you had to hurry. You talked to him all the way, hugging him from behind on the horse back, not to let him lose his consciousness. You couldn’t see the road properly, but you trusted your buddy horse friend.

“Do you remember the last time we were in the _Dancing Soldier_ together? We’ve won all the drinking competitions. The Garrison members were so ashamed of themselves.” you laughed at that memory.

Mike chuckled and exhaled heavily. “That was…the last time I was in that pub.” he whispered. “You left and I lost interest…in going there without you…little (F/N).”

Your hands around his waist tighten more. You knew you hurt them all, you also knew Mike didn’t tell you this because he was mad at you, but because he truly missed you.

“If you hadn’t returned to the Survey Corps, I would be dead now.”

Your heart stopped at his words. “For that kind of talking, I’m going to kick your ass, after you’re healed!” you clenched your teeth.

Mike smiled with some difficulty and nodded. “Looking forward to that.” 

Finally, after another two hours, you were inside the District. With the Garrison escort, Mike was taken in the hospital tent. After what seemed like hours to you, a nurse came outside to inform you about Mike’s condition. He was lucky that titan only bit him once. If not, his legs would be probably crippled now. Your first aid also helped a lot, though you never were good at it. In a nutshell, he will be alright. But, if he will be able to fight, well, thats another story. 

You exhaled and a big mountain was lifted from your chest. So relieved, you almost forget why you were here in the first place. After checking your equipment and filling the gas, you searched for some familiar faces.

But nothing, you had to wait. Erwin was probably taking care of something and Hange will be in command instead of him. You ate, drank something and waited.

In your head was running the encounter with the Beast titan. You told Mike that the shifter was from the outer world.

He asked about your language? Never saw the 3DM gear? Not like you could surely tell he wasn’t from here. But from where then? What actually was behind the Walls? Just the land and the ocean and nothing else? Or another Wall complex?

No, probably another land. Another world. 

After a few minutes, you caught a sight of Hange! Finally!

Running to her, you yelled at her. “Hange!” you saw Levi, with another man, Moblit and Eren, Mikasa and Armin, good.

“(F/N)!” she screamed and pulled you in her arms, checking your state. “We heard what happened with the Wall! How did you get here?” they all came closer to you.

“When we spotted the titans, we split up. Trying to inform the nearby villages and evacuate them. But me and Mike got caught in some big trouble.” you were trembling a little. “Mike is hurt, one titan wanted to eat his legs, but now he’s taken care of by the medics. We arrived here a few hours ago.”

Shocked and taken aback, Levi and the rest said nothing. But inside, Levi was grateful that you were unharmed and safe, at least for now.

“Good you are both alright, more or less. I need to tell you something important (F/N)!” Hange started.

“No, I need to tell you something more important!” you beat her with your voice, then turned at Levi, who was still standing beside…is that Minister Nick?

“Captain? Why is Minister Nick with you?” you eyed Minister suspiciously.

“That’s the important thing, but we don’t have time to explain now!” Hange pointed out and turned at him, walking closer to Nick.

“So, have you changed your mind? We don’t have much time left! Tell me please!” Hange yelled at him.

You were watching his expression, but he was unmoved. Guilt, fear and helplessness were rolling out from his eyes as he watched Hange.

“I can’t speak. None of us will change our minds.”

Now you were pissed. You knew very well who Minister Nick was and about his little community in the Church. He also has some secrets. Fuck! Everyone is hiding something! And your head is cracking slowly, because you had to find it all out. And this shit, won’t tell a thing. 

“You son of a bitch!” you grabbed his collar and pulled him closer. “You little drunk. I don’t know what’s going on here, but I can tell that you are stubborn as shit! When she’s so desperately asking you something, you better answer her!”

You pushed him away, in irritation pulled your shirt sleeves up for him to see as many scars as possible. 

“You see me?!” you pointed at your face. “You’re sitting on your ass behind the Walls, while I must go outside and protect you, you shit! My beloved friend almost lost his legs! Almost died! So, tell me, do you like that feeling? When your loved ones are dying? What about your dead family, tell me!”

You wanted him to say something. Anything! He was watching you and sighed.

“I can’t tell you anything. It’s too big decision for one man to make. But I will give you the name of someone who can.” he paused for a moment. “Child, with a special bloodline, caught up in a conflict because of it.”

You frowned. Something you were familiar with. “W-wait, you mean three years ago?”

Nick only nodded and the others eyed you suspiciously. Biting your lip silently, you looked away. 

“She’s hiding under false name and entered the Survey Corps this year. Krista Lenz. She should be able to help you.”

“Fuck!” you cursed, other gasped. So, another puzzle piece is filled. You were right about Krista…no…Historia was hiding something. But it also brought back another bad memory from the past.

You knew who Historia really was. You knew her father after all.

But your heart almost stopped when you realised where she was right now.

“Hange we have to move. She is out there! She’s in the South near the Wall!” you wanted to ran away. She’s outside with the titans.

“But wait, (F/N)!” Hange tried to stop you.

“Hange, trust me! I will explain everything to you on our way. But we need to hurry now!”

Nodding, you all left in a hurry. You had to take a different horse, yours was so exhausted after he carried you and Mike at the same time all the way to the Ehrmich District.

In the stables you stopped them all. “I have to tell you something.” Hange stood still, all waited. “I probably know…no, I surely know that where we’re heading, will be another titan shifters.”

All puzzled, you started to explain about the five people you believe they were hiding something. Krista was there too, just the same as Ymir, Reiner and Bertolt with Annie.

“I was suspicious about them from the start, something was off with them. All three appeared together behind the Walls what the records says, in the training corps as well. Some information’s about their backgrounds were missing or were weird. When I was reading their files, I noticed that almost all the answers were similar to each other. Like if they agreed about what to say and how to say it.” 

Hange nodded. “I also checked Annie Leonheart’s background. All three are from the same region. During the expedition those two were told that Eren was on the right side. Female titan appeared on the right side. We don’t know if that proves anything but, it could be something.”

“But it doesn’t make sense. Bertolt is always silent and Reiner is like our big brother. I honestly can’t imagine them deceiving us like that.” Eren protested.

“Deceiving? When you act undercover, you have to.” you stated. “Armin, do you remember, when I and Jean fought Annie. Like you said, she was searching for someone. After Reiner got away from her hand, I noticed that she changed her direction. Suddenly out of blue? What if Reiner, when he was close, told her where Eren really was?”

“Yes, but still…” Armin wasn’t sure at first. “But you’re right. What if Reiner when he was in her palm, carved the location there.”

“But, how could Reiner know about Eren’s location?” Mikasa asked.

“I told him. When he asked. He asked about Eren, I didn’t realise it back then.” admitted Armin, horror and guilt in his eyes.

“What…no way…!” Eren wanted to say something to Armin, but Hange cut him off.

“Important thing! For everyone!” said Hange aloud. “They can’t know we suspect them. Don’t mention Annie Leonheart at all. We need to get them underground and deal with them there.”

“Yes, sir!” all said and continued to prepare for the journey.

When you wanted to climb on your horse, you noticed Levi and Minister Nick, watching you. You eyed Levi’s gaze and grinned. Walking closer to him, you smiled.

“It suits you well, Captain.” you pointed at his cravat, the one you gave him. He was still dressed in casual clothes, because his leg was still recovering. Levi wanted to go in action long ago, but Erwin forbid it because of Levi’s importance within the Corps. He was Levi Ackerman after all, the strongest soldier.

His lips formed a small smile. “You have a great taste in fashion after all.” he stepped closer to you.

“Go to see Mike, I need you to know about the titan we encountered earlier.” you whispered and wanted to leave, but he stopped you by grabbing your hand.

“(F/N), stay safe. Don’t do anything stupid.”

You felt offended a little, stupid things? Does Levi really don’t know you at all? You were doing stupid things all the time.

“What happened with Annie?” you asked Hange when you were on your way.

Hange said nothing for a while. “She tried to ran from us by climbing the Wall. But we managed to stop her. But she won’t tell as a thing.” she exhaled frustrated.

“Should I beat her up?” you asked.

“She protected herself by locking her body inside the titan hardening crystal.”

“What!” you proceed through your teeth. She hid herself.

Annie tried to ran away at all cost? But why? Even climbing the Walls is a risky move. She could simply jump out from her titan body and lost in the crowd. Or hide somewhere and wait. Right? Or was this out of desperation? Last move?

“But it’s not the main problem now. (F/N), when she tried to climb the Wall, debris fell from it and revealed a hidden titan inside the Wall construction.”

You almost fell off your horse.

“What…do you mean? Titan inside the Wall? Like the fifty meters hight giant is inside?” you exhaled a little. Hange gave you a few minutes to absorb this information.

Wait a second. The Wall? Or the Walls? No one saw how the Walls were built, by whom and when. How was possible to build such huge constructions.

There existed no books, scripts, documents, nothing about how were the Walls built. So, this was the thing Hange wanted to know from Nick. He was hiding it in the dark, fooling the truth away from all.

“Say Hange,” you gasped when this came into your mind. “Is there only one? Or are they in all Walls?”

“That’s exactly what I’m thinking. I compared a piece of broken Wall with a piece of Annie’s hardened skin when she locked herself, and it has the same structure.”

Oh, Gods really hate you right! How are you supposed to think right now? Questions screaming at you loudly, but no answers came in your mind.

Your head started to pound and burning again. “Hmm! Now tell me, if there are titans in the Walls, what the fuck are we supposed to do, when they will decide to stretch their legs and take a walk?”

Hands shaking and the air seemed to be too heavy for you to breath.

No! You can’t be weak! You need to help the others, to save them. You can think about this all after that.

“I can’t even think about that.” answered Hange, also trembling.

The rest of the way, you were talking with the younger Scouts. Asking about the fight with Annie and what happened in Stonhess.

Speaking with Armin was good, he had also good ideas and his clever brain was pushing you the right questions, which you could easily answer.

Still, you can chat like this later, in some warm room and with food. Now you have to hurry. The Utgard Castle, where you headed, was surely near. Behind the hills, you could see the Sun, forcing its light to welcome you again. And welcome a new day.

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

In the distance, you saw the Utgard Castle. Or more likely, you were watching the Castle’s tower falling to the ground.

“You’re not my buddy horse, but you have to run fast! Hurry!” you kicked the horse in his abdomen, to increase his speed more. Not caring about the others behind you, you were advancing forwards in a lightning speed.

In a minute, you jumped from the horse in to the air, using gas to speed up.

“Historia!” you screamed and charged at the titan who wanted to grab her. You sliced the titan’s nape, killing it instantly.

“(F/N)!” she exhaled in surprise, eyes wide.

“Stay back, all of you. We are going to kill them all.” you smiled at them and jumped for another kill.

Soon all titans were killed and Hange commanded to secure the perimeter and take care of the rest. You gathered around Ymir’s broken body. She was lying on the rocks and debris, being held by crying Historia. Her right leg and arm were bitten off, bleeding heavily. Her wound in her stomach also was horrible.

You were watching her, then looked at Reiner and Bertolt.

If you were right with Historia having some secrets. Ymir, who was hiding her identity as a titan and Annie being another titan shifter. That means, you were right about Bertolt and Reiner too.

You were watching them, walking closer to them really slowly.

Partners in crime?

You stood in front of them now. Eyes on you, you slightly touched Reiner’s wounded arm.

“You good?” you asked calmly, but with a concerned undertone.

“I hope, I was almost chewed by a titan.” Reiner managed to answer to you, but was still shaken.

You hummed a little. “But you’re alive. That’s what matters.” you smiled at him and cupped his chin with your fingers. Reiner immediately blushed.

“(F/N).” Hange called your name.

You walked away from them and looked at her.

“The rest of the Mike’s squad…they couldn’t make it. They’re gone.” she said.

Right! You completely forgot about Nanaba and the others! Heart stopped, you wanted to scream and cry. But…nothing came. You turned away from her.

 _‘If you will shut it again, you won’t feel this miserably_ ’ sounded in your head.

It sent a shiver down your spine.

Again? Should I do it again?

You lifted your eyes up. It was like your inner flame went out. Hange alarmed, after she saw your expression, ran closer to you. Took your shoulders and shook with your form a little.

“Don’t you dare to shut yourself again! (F/N)!” all around were confused, watching you two. “Please! I need you, we can’t do this without you.”

You cupped her shoulders the same way and smiled. “Don’t worry. I have too much things I need to solve right now. And I have you all with me here.” you let a single tear drop from your eyes, wiping it instantly.

After climbing up on the Wall, you watched poor Ymir, being lifted up with a lift. Listening Historia’s explanation about what happened.

You turned again to Reiner and Bertolt. You need to be close, if anything, you’re going to cut their heads off.

Reiner was sitting, talking about his near dead experience with Eren. But Bertolt cheered him up, by reminding him about their hometown.

Home? Let’s go back?

Wait a second. In the files, there was they came from a small farm village, right? But it was destroyed by titans. So, what is he trying to imply? What town he’s talking about? 

Wait a second…are they somehow paired up with that beast titan?

“There’s no hole in the Wall?” asked someone out loud. You all turned around. It pulled you out from thinking.

“No hole and not even one single titan. We searched all night and nothing.” said the blond man after climbing up on the Wall.

Not a single titan? But what about the beast titan? That’s it! He somehow brought the group of titans to you before. It’s all his fault.

Wait. That’s the guy from the Garrison who saved you and get you up on the Wall, when you returned after your little night trip after the expedition. You grinned. Hannes, huh. Hange commanded to regroup and leave to Trost.

You wanted to greet Hannes, but you stopped walking when you heard Reiner talking to Eren.

“Eren. We need to talk to you about something, right now.”

You stopped and waited, turned slightly, listening.

Fuck! Why you’re right all the time! They just admitted they were titans. Even more, that they were here to wipe out all the Humanity! This boy really has some balls.

Eren tried to play along. But in Reiner something snapped.

Voice full of desperation and eyes wide with horror.

Your eyes met Mikasa’s. She was also listening the conversation. You lifted your hand and counted to three. Then you both nodded at each other and charged.

Reiner tried to grab Eren, but Mikasa chopped his arm off, to guard her family member. You ran after Bertolt, aiming at his neck, slicing through. He fell on the ground. Shit! You couldn’t chop his head off. 

“Bertolt!!”

You wanted to finish him off, but Reiner grabbed you and kicked you away from his friend. You tried to kill him, but only managed to cut his cheek. After that kick you laded on your knees.

Suddenly a huge lightning appeared from the sky and cloud of steam and hot air knocked everyone down and off the Wall. You were lying on the Wall top, but the wave hit you and you fell over the edge. Without thinking you shot your hooks to anchor yourself. Standing on the inner Wall’s side, you cursed.

“Fuck it all! After this I hope I won’t ever be right again!” you screamed, while running up using the gas. But when you reached the top, Bertolt’s giant titan arm slammed against the Wall top. Sending you flying again, pieces of destroyed Wall hit your forehead. Your vision blurred for a moment and you had to fire the hooks blinded. You yanked against the Wall’s side and hit your head again. Blood poured from your forehead and your head started to feel funny. Like if you were drunk.

You ran again, not caring too much about your injuries. When you successfully reached the top, you saw other soldiers, attacking the Colossus titan. But something was wrong, he was literally waiting for them to get closer to him. Then a blast of boiling steam exited his body.

“Hange!” you landed next to her. “It’s no use, he’s protecting himself like that!”

“That’s right, we can’t use our vertical manoeuvring gear this way!” Armin added.

“I’m going after Reiner!” you wiped the blood from your forehead and ran before she could say anything.

You were flying in the lightning speed. Wiping the blood out of your sight, you gasped when you saw Eren in his titan form, lying on the ground. He was not moving, but Reiner was walking slowly to him.

“Eren!” you screamed at him. “Wake up!”

Mikasa anchored her hooks on the Armored titan’s neck and tried to cut through, but it was for nothing, her blades shattered like a glass.

You noticed. Reiner’s titan body was all covered in the hardening skin. Just like with Annie, you can’t cut through.

“Mikasa! It’s useless. We need to find his weak spot!” you yelled and she nodded.

Eren finally got up and attacked Reiner, but soon was lying on the ground again. Reiner was strong, too strong and his hard body was giving Eren the biggest disadvantage. He won’t last long this way.

Armin with Hange and her team soon came. “Eren! Going hand to hand with him won’t do any good!” Armin tried to talk to him but he was lost in his own head. Not listening him he charged again, but this time he shrugged his head, avoiding Reiner’s punch, locked his elbow around his head and shoulder and threw the Armored titan to the ground.

You were watching the fight between the two beasts from nearby. Hands shaking and head pounding. “Shit!” you had to ran somewhere else, they were dangerously close to you.

Eren was pinning Reiner’s body against the ground. But the Armored titan was resisting, not giving Eren any rest. He had to re-grip his hold on him and this time when Eren squeezed him with his legs, a loud crack was heard around.

It worked! His skin broke! He even managed to rip his arm off.

But Armin had clearly a different plan. Getting Eren back to the Wall. Armin was right when he mentioned that if Eren was kidnaped, everything would be lost. But closer to the Wall was not a good idea either, Bertolt was there, waiting.

Eren followed Armin’s command and ran away from Reiner. In your head a voice screamed, it was bad idea, but you followed as well. Jumping in the air, you anchored against the Wall.

“Hange, I don’t like the idea of being near the Wall. Bertolt is still here!” you lifted your finger and pointed at him.

“He can’t reach here and the other units are keeping their eyes on him. Besides, our main problem right now is Reiner. Unlike the Colossus titan, he can move freely.” she stated and jumped on Eren’s shoulder.

She was right, but still. Your guts clenched every time you looked at the Colossus titan. It was like he was waiting for something. Not even attacking the other soldiers on the Wall top.

“What are you up to Bertolt?” you growled.

Reiner, even when having fifteen meters and huge muscular body, covered with hard shell, was incredibly fast and deadly. Eren had to be more cautious than before. Aiming at his legs, he couldn’t get to them. But locked Reiner again in a steel grip and squeezed him.

Just like Hange said, his legs, armpits and crotch were his weaknesses. Using this advantage, you and Mikasa charged, each cutting Reiner’s knee tendons. It startled Reiner and his resistance dropped a little. Eren pulled some more, almost breaking Reiner’s neck and getting his human body out.

But suddenly, Reiner stopped resisting completely and after his huge jaw opened, he roared horribly.

“Secure the perimeter! He’s calling for more titans!” Hange commanded.

Partners in crime.

He wasn’t calling for more titans. He was calling for his friend above us! Fuck it all! Oh no!

“All of you! MOVE!” you screamed at them all, as the Colossus titan was falling towards the ground. Mouth opened, ready to eat both, Reiner and Eren. Then a loud boom and a blinding light swallowed you all.

You were thrown backwards, the steam and strong pressure kept you pinned against the Wall’s surface. You tried to move your head to see what was happening with Reiner, Bertolt and Eren. Reiner thanks to his sturdy body, was able to move freely against the binding wind. He bit down onto Eren’s neck and tore him out. Suddenly Bertolt appeared out off his titan body, holding Ymir’s unconscious form and with a 3DM gear he jumped on the Reiner’s titan body and they ran away.

Where the hell did Bertolt get the 3DM gear? You gasped. When the wind finally calmed down, you started coughing rapidly. You couldn’t breathe when the wind and steam was around. Your body fell limp on the ground, without energy you laid down.

 _‘I’m going to rip you apart! Next time!_ ’ you screamed in your head.

When everything calmed down and you gathered some more strength you stood up and immediately ran to Hange. But your legs tangled together and you almost fell. Your vision blurred and you wanted to throw up. Slowing down the pace, you leaned against the Wall and tried to steady your breathing.

Near, you saw Armin lying on the ground also coughing and collecting himself. You slowly walked to him, massaging your head.

You patted his back to soothe his breathing. “Armin, are you alright?”

“(F/N). Your head! I should be asking you instead.” he gasped but nodded. “I’m fine, just burned a little and shaken, but fine.” he scanned the area around.

“Mikasa and Hange are over there, let’s go.”

You both got up and slowly went to them. Armin was supporting you a little, in case of you passing out. He went straight to his childhood friend and you knelt beside Hange.

She was out, face burned and some bruises and cuts were visible on her body, but she was alive. Exhaling in relief, you carefully took her glasses off her head. “I told you it was a bad idea.” putting the glasses in her pocket, you went to check on the other soldiers.

Hannes and Nifa, with some more soldiers soon scaled from the Wall top. When he saw you, you smiled at him and walked closer.

“I can see you’re always in some trouble, little Miss.”

You chuckled. “Yeah. And you have to hurry to save my ass.” he patted your shoulder and sighed.

“Good you’re alive. Commander Pixis almost rushed with us here to find you.”

You smiled and nodded. “I bet he’s drinking like a fish out of water.” looking around, counting the limp bodies, you frowned.

“Nifa, go and take more soldiers down here, we have to get every injured soldier up on the Wall top. Hannes, you also take some men under your command and try to make something we will be able to lift their bodies up with, check the debris. Another team, secure the perimeter, don’t let any titan near, I’m sure some will soon show up.” you shouted commands on every direction. You won’t be able to relax until you all are safely on the Wall.

“Armin, you’re coming with me, we have to check who’s dead and alive.” he gulped, but nodded. It has to be done too, after all.

One party was guarding you all, just like you thought, soon came some smaller titans. The other party was soon lifting the bodies up on the Wall, and on the top another group was giving the injured soldiers medical aid. After you and Armin, with help of another soldiers, checked all the bodies, you collected all the dead bodies on the side. Not many, but still, their dead was meaningless. If only you managed to chop Bertolt’s head off. Reiner would be dealt with by now and Eren safe here with you.

 _‘What to do with the dead bodies now’_ , you asked yourself. Leave them down here, to be eaten by a titans, or lift them up, to be left here or eventually thrown back down from the Wall. What to do?

No, they were your brothers in arms. They suffered enough. “Lift the dead bodies up as well, we won’t left then here to be eaten.” you commanded.

“Yes, sir.” your fellow soldiers nodded and agreed with your decision.

After all of you were safely on the Wall top, you sat on your butt, sighing. You completely forgot you were injured, when you’ve been ordering around. All injured friends, were lying and resting. Other soldiers were taking care of the debris and cargo. And you could finally rest, but first you had to make sure someone was on their way here.

“You, Garrison member, what’s your name?” you asked young smaller man with black short hair and big eyes.

“Phil, sir!” he saluted in a rush, but you waved at him to stop.

“I need you to deliver report to Commander Pixis in Trost District. Tell him about what happened here. I’m sure Commander Smith will be there as well. Tell them we need as many people as he can gather on a rescue mission. Also…” from your pocket you pulled out the traveling journal, flipping through, after you found a blank page, you wrote something there and tore the paper out. After that, you folded it and handed to him, standing up. “Give this to Commander Pixis and Commander Erwin, no one else is allowed to see it, understood?”

“Y-Yes, sir!” he nodded furiously.

“Hurry up and stay safe.”

You watched him running away. Nifa suddenly grabbed your collar and dragged you away. “Now, it’s time for you to be taken care of.” she said while pouting her face.

You just smiled and let her treat you. You sat next to Hange’s lying form, she was still out. Nifa cleaned your wound and started dressing it.

“How is she?” you asked, watching her.

“She’s fine. Nothing broken, but will probably be out for some time. Just like Moblit and Keiji. They were in the center of the impact. Honestly, I’m surprised you’re still standing.” she stated.

“I’m far too angry to be lying unconscious here. Besides someone has to take care of you all, while Hange is out.” you frowned and opened your journal. Soon Nifa was done, you thanked her and started to write notes into your journal.

About Ymir, Bertolt, Reiner, Eren and Historia. And the whole recapitulation about this even. And the even before. You will have to tell Mike about his squad member’s death. About Nanaba’s death.... Geldar…Henning…Lynne…

Fuck it all! You hid your face into your palms. Biting your lip from inside. Not now. Mike isn’t here right now. Now, you have to solve this problem.

How in the hell Bertolt had the 3DM gear? And where they ran off now? Also, why they took Ymir with them? Was it because she was a titan shifter as well? Was Ymir somehow allied with Reiner and Bertolt?

No, she wasn’t. You could see their surprised face, when they saw Ymir’s body at the Utgard Castle’s ruins. They were just as surprised as you were.

Ymir was always attached to Historia, why?

You noticed Armin. He was watching Mikasa’s sleeping form with concerned look. That’s right, speaking with Armin always gave you some answers.

“Armin, I want to ask you a few questions.”

He looked at you in confusion, but nodded.

“You were here when Bertolt transformed, right?” after he nodded you continued. “How could he possibly have the 3DM gear on him?”

He was thinking for a moment and then gasped. “When he ate Ymir, he ate another soldier with her. He must have taken it from him.” Armin answered almost surely.

“Well, what about Reiner, he ran away in his titan form, but I bet he have some gear now on him as well.” you scratched your head and then it hit you. “Eren’s gear, I highly doubt they will let Eren wear it.” 

Armin nodded at you. “You're right.”

You growled and sat down, writing again. For a while you were discussing things with Armin, but he was also exhausted, so you let him rest. Checking on the other soldiers, you were occupied for some time again. But you wanted to rest for a while too.

After a small break, you were sitting on the Wall top now, shoving Nifa away from you. “I’m fine! I don’t need it!” you growled at her and she pouted her face again.

You were drawing some sketches of Reiner’s titan form now. Nifa was trying to change your bandages, but you didn’t let her.

“Stop being stubborn, please. And you should be resting, you surely have a concussion!” she insisted.

After long five hours, you were alright. Your early breakfast you had in the Ehrmich District managed to stay in your stomach and your burned face was cooled down. So, it was fine.

“If I’ll let you to change it, will it make you happier?” you asked her with annoyed tone.

“Yes!” she exhaled and you sighed in defeat. 

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

Commander Pixis was sitting on the Wall top, blanket curled around his body. He was snoring lightly and under his nose was a small bubble of snot.

Anka was walking his way. Her first attempt to wake him up was unsuccessful. Without much more thinking she slapped his bald head, putting into her voice more force this time.

“If you’ll sleep here, you will get sick.” she took the bottles from the ground and sighed. “Jeez, you drank so much again?”

He flinched and rubbed the back of his head, reaching for another bottle. “I’m not drank enough to be ready to hear the news about my niece being killed out there.” he gulped the wine slowly.

Anka frowned and shook with her head. “You’re not young anymore and I won’t be changing your diapers, Commander.”

“Well, I’m not saying I wouldn’t mind being taken care of by fine young lady.” he sipped from his drink again. “So, what’s the situation?” he asked, now with completely serious voice.

“When the titans stopped appearing, our troops barely discovered any titans after that.”

Pixis took out his chain-watches and checked the time. “Hannes’s advance party should be returning by now, if they safely checked the Wall. That would mean, they met the Krolva team halfway. But it would be impossible if there really was a hole in the Wall.” clearly impossible, titans would stop them or slowed them down, if the Wall was really breached.

“Commander Pixis!” his thoughts were interrupted by Erwin, who jumped on top of the Wall.

“Ah, Erwin. I heard we’ve caught a mouse.” Pixis stood up, took Erwin’s hand and shook with it.

“Yes, but we still have to deal with some issues there.”

“Still, I’m sure that opened our friends in the center their eyes. They have now much to think about and decide if they want to die and take their old-fashioned traditions together with them.”

The Female titan was seen in one of the inner circles. Dangerously close to the most inner center. Now people who lived inside the Wall Shenna and Rose saw with their own eyes the threat. Hopefully realising than hiding behind the Walls won’t help them to be safe.

Erwin looked down from the top. Watching the group of the Military Police Brigade soldiers standing ignorantly on the street.

Levi was sitting on the cart, opposite Minister Nick. One of the MP’s, disappointed by not having anything to kill shouted with anticipation at the Captain.

“Where’s our prey?”

It sent Levi’s blood to boil, but in front of them, he kept his cool façade. They were completely oblivious about what was really happening outside.

“Sorry that I couldn’t gave you any titan for a kill. But there are plenty of chances to meet then outside the Walls. What do you say about combining our forces to fight against them, huh?” his voice was dripping with honey and venom. Just like only Captain Levi could master. Eyes cold and serious.

The members of the MP chuckled and started to make some excuses about having other responsibilities inside the Walls.

Levi wanted to laugh in disgust, but was stopped by a member of the Garrison who was running closer.

“Someone, call Commander Pixis!! I have a report from the advance party!”

All gathered around the exhausted soldier, who was kneeling on the ground, shaking and trembling.

“T-there’s no hole in the Wall. But…it’s an emergency! On our way to Trost District, we encountered a Survey Corps team led by Squad leader Hange. The rest of recruits from the 104th were with them…but…but among them…” the soldier’s voice was unsteady and shaking. He was shouting now. “…but among them…three of them WERE TITANS!!”

Jean was listening eagerly in the crowd. But when he heard about his friends from the 104th being with them, it caught his attention even more. However, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, about three of his friends being titans.

“What do you mean!? Three titans? Who is it?” he shouted at poor Phil.

Erwin stepped in. “Wait Jean. Let him continue. What happened once they were discovered?” he asked facing the soldier.

“The Survey Corps clashed with the Colossus and Armored titan, but soon the battle was all over. However, all units are devastated. More of them injured and some killed.”

The crowd gasped and unable to say anything. Pixis flinched. Erwin and Levi looked at each other, then at the Commander of the Garrison.

His shoulders were shaking. No, he really wasn’t drunk enough to be ready for any condolences.

“But thanks to Vice-Captain (L/N), we were able to get everyone safely on the Wall top.” Phil added.

Now a light of hope sparkled in Commander Pixis’s heart. “Is she now in command?” he asked.

“Yes sir. Squad leader Hange was injured badly in the battle, just as the other officers. Vice-Captain also gave me a message, only for yours and Commander Erwin’s eyes.” he took a small paper out of his pocket and handed it over.

Pixis unfolded the paper and Erwin leaned closer to read it as well.

_I was right about our five names. Our big baby was taken away from us. Mommy can’t go after them alone. Bring the whole family along! Hurry before the big villain shows himself._

Erwin chuckled and Pixis’s eyes widen, corners of his mouth twitched. You and your secret ciphers.

“Did she hit her head?”

Phil nodded in confusion. “Yes, she’s injured but was more or less alright when I left.”

You were injured, but alive. Pixis wanted to cry with joy. He eyed Erwin and nodded at him. “Well, hurry up. Don’t let our mommy waiting for too long.”

Erwin gathered his men, along with the MP soldiers and started to bark his orders.

“Prepare the horses to be lifted, we will meet Hange’s squad on the Wall top. Load all necessary cargo, as well as extra weapons!”

After an hour or so, Erwin and his party finally saw your group ahead, standing restlessly, waiting for them to finally arrive.

You were standing in the front, arms folded on your chest, tapping nervously with your foot. Armin looked at Historia again.

“Krista, I still think it would be best if you stayed here.”

She repeated him over and over again, that she’s coming too, to save Ymir. You understood why was Armin so worried, but for completely different reasons. However, you also knew she won’t change her mind. As long as she’s near you, things should be alright. Before she could answer him again, you spoke.

“Let her be Armin, she has her reasons. Don’t try to change her mind.” Historia nodded at you in acknowledgement.

“I agree.” Connie joined in the conversation. “We all have our reasons. I will believe that Reiner and Bertolt are our enemies only after I will hear it from their own mouths.”

How naïve it was from Connie to think that, but you knew why he felt like that. They lived together, were breathing the same air and sweating blood from the first day of their training days. All together. Connie just couldn’t believe it, just like Eren couldn’t believe Annie was the Female titan at first.

“Erwin, finally!” you stated. Moving forward, you wanted to get closer to him, but Hange suddenly grabbed your ankle.

“(F/N) …the map. Map.” she managed to say, you quickly took it from one soldier and lay on the ground to level Hange.

“I was thinking about where they could be going.” she said and pointed on the map. There was a small Titan Forest.

“I was thinking about it as well. Reiner had to be exhausted after his fight with Eren. They need to gather their strength somewhere.” you said without thinking.

Hange only nodded. “I think they choose this place to be safe. Other titans are still a threat to them. It’s a gamble, but…”

You hated that word…a gamble. You can gamble while playing cards or dice, not when the lives of the others are in danger.

“No. It’s not a gamble, they’re there. I’m sure. Besides, we can still follow the Armored titan’s footsteps.” you cut Hange off.

She only smiled weakly and her head fell on the map. She was really exhausted.

Once you all got up and prepared everything for action, Erwin took you aside.

“You should stay here with Hange and the rest. You’re injured and tired.” he started.

Eyes wide, you wanted to kick him. “No. Don’t even try. I’m going as well. With or without your permission.” your eyes were determinate, not even a smallest amount of hesitation in them.

Erwin sighed in defeat. Still looking at you with his hard, strong face. “Don’t you dare to die, or hazard.”

“The same goes for you.” you replied, walking towards the lift.

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

Advancing forward, the formation was moving fast. Your horse was galloping in the right centre of the formation. Night will fall soon, this was your only chance to get Eren and Ymir back. Armin and Mikasa were on your left side, again you were stationed with the members of the 104th training corps. With one eye, you were making sure Historia was safe.

Reaching the edge of the forest, many titans appeared and attacked your formation. Erwin’s command to deploy forced the members of the formation spread wide on the field. After seeing flash of the light coming from the forest, you waited for nothing else.

You jumped in the air and flew inside the forest, moving fast. Mikasa, Armin and Hannes behind you. Once you saw a titan, hanging on the tree, waiting, you stopped. It was not attacking any of you, even when it saw you approaching.

Could it be Ymir’s titan form?

“YMIR!” Connie screamed from behind you. So, you were right, this was her titan form, but the fact that she was waiting there was unusual. Connie was trying to talk to her, stepping on her head, he started screaming at her in frustration from the lack of information.

She was waiting here, looking at one side, then on the other side. It was like she was searching for someone…oh no, Historia.

You violently turned around to see where the small blond was. Shit! She was here already. “Historia! Get back!” you shouted at her, trying to get to her in time. But Ymir was too fast and agile in her titan form. She jumped off the tree and in one swift move caught Historia with her big titan mouth. 

Poor Historia was so happy to see Ymir alive, she was completely unaware that she was being eaten. Once Ymir closed her mouth, she jumped and ran away.

You suppressed a cry of defeat and started thinking. Ymir would never harm Historia intentionally. She knew exactly what she was doing, it only meant one thing. Armin realised it as well.

“She’s helping Reiner and Bertolt!” he shouted at you all.

But why Reiner and Bertolt allowed Ymir to take Historia with them. Another hostage? No, she could easily take Connie as a hostage, while he was dancing on her head. It had to be only Historia. Ymir, she wanted Historia to ran with them, to join Reiner and Bertolt. This was your guess, but again, you wanted to be wrong this time.

Another pillar of light appeared in the front. You made it through the forest, only to reach its end. Watching Reiner running away in his titan form with Ymir and Bertolt on his shoulders.

“Keep going!” you reminded stunned Mikasa and Armin, with Hannes beside you.

“Don’t stop! We will follow them on our horses!” he shouted at the duo and jumped on the horse back, just as you did.

Erwin saw the Armored titan running from the forest. Eren’s tied unconscious body was attached to Bertolt. Scanning the area around, he turned his horse in a second.

“All of you. Follow me! Even if you have titans tailing you!” from the forest rode other members of the formation, huge number of titans behind them.

Members of the Military Police could barely keep up with Erwin’s orders. “Erwin! Are trying to kill us?!” shouted at him one member of the MP’s.

“That’s not my intention! We need to stop the Armored titan! He’s taking Eren away! Do your duty as a soldiers and fight!!” he shouted harshly back.

Following Reiner, Erwin gathered enough men to make his plan more than successful.

Reiner was running slowly enough for you to catch him. Because of his armoured body, he couldn’t run in a higher speed. You were almost there, Mikasa and Connie anchored their hooks in Reiner’s body and pulled themselves to him. Hannes went for his leg, trying to stop him, but only broke his blade’s, unable to cut through his hard skin.

Still on your horse, you were searching for any weakness, which could make him stop. Noticing how quickly Reiner hid Bertold and Eren under his neck, protecting them, you cursed loudly.

This was taking too long. You were now dangerously far away from the Wall and still couldn’t get Eren back. Besides, Connie and Jean’s plan to talk with Bertolt wasn’t helping either. The young kids, were reminding the two titan shifters about their time together, begging them for an explanation. They were just shouting at each other now, doing nothing at all.

Your nerves just cracked. You had enough, you shot your anchors and with a gas forced your body in the air, landing on Reiner’s head.

You heard Bertolt screaming helplessly. “Do you think we wanted to kill all those people, that we enjoyed it!!? We had no other choice! But it wasn’t all lies! We really thought of you all as about our friends. But we can’t stop now! Please!! Someone…I’m begging you…find us…!!”

“If you want someone to save you! I’m right here, Bertolt!” you said loudly, enough for them to hear you. “Hand over Eren and I will let you walk away!”

A few moments of shocked silence were interrupted by Hannes, shouting at you all in pure astonishment and horror. “Get away from there!! Erwin, what are you thinking!!” he pointed in the front, making you turn around and gasp in pure shock. “He’s coming our way with titans behind him!!”

Holy shit! That was not some small number of titans. It was a whole horde. Fuck this all! “Everyone, jump off! NOW!” you commanded at the kids, but stayed on Reiner’s shoulder, holding there tightly. This was the worst idea Erwin ever got, you were sure of it.

Reiner forced his enormous muscular body against the horde of titans, stuttering a little, but managing to stood his ground. All titans attacked him in second. Snapping and grabbing his legs, beginning their feast.

Ymir caught one titan at his elbow, trying to protect Historia from the attack. She was trapped now, holding onto Reiner with one hand, and guarding Historia with other. But just in time, you killed that titan.

“Ymir, you have to move! Protect Historia at all cost!”

You were jumping from arm to hand, at least cutting their eyes to blind them for a moment. But there were too many of them and you felt you were exhausted already. Unable to move as fast as you wanted. Ymir was fighting as well, helping Reiner. But he couldn’t move, he was still holding Bertolt and Eren under his neck.

“Reiner! Fight! You will die like this!” you shouted at him. Avoiding another attack on your small form, but one giant hand squeezed you against Reiner’s body tightly, forcing the air from your lungs. You couldn’t move or breath. Titan’s jaw was moving towards you, salivating.

Suddenly Reiner smacked his arm against the titan and freed your body from its grasp. You inhaled violently and coughed. You weren’t sure if Reiner saved you only by an accident, defending himself, but you were grateful to him. Quickly jumping hight in the air, forcing your body to meet the blue sky thanks to the strong surge of gas.

“YMIR!” you shouted, guiding your body to her. She grabbed your flying body and pushed you into her hair. Still unable to breath properly, you clenched your teeth, inhaling painfully.

In the distance, you managed to catch a glimpse of the other soldiers, riding to your aid. Suddenly one tall titan grabbed Ymir’s shoulders and pushed her against the ground. Forcing his mouth and teeth to devour her. You pushed Historia in the air, but without any strength left, you couldn’t move. Your body collided against the hard ground.

Historia instinctively flipped in the air and with a gas, pushed herself forwards. She managed to cut titan’s nape, deep enough to kill it.

Your vision blurred again, nose bleeding. You tried to stand up, but you felt like if your arms and legs weren’t yours. Before you could do anything, Connie riding on his horse grabbed Historia by her waist, taking her away. Ymir grabbed you and placed you again on her head. You managed to hold onto her as she ran after Connie. Completely oblivious and out, you only laughed dumbly when you saw Reiner aiming and stretching his arm, throwing a titan to block your way.

This was complete chaos. Living hell, some would say. You couldn’t care less about your state. There still was some work needed to be done. Collecting your body, you took deep steady painful breaths and used your gas to fly, landing on the ground comically. Connie would have to take care of Historia for now.

Not so far away, you saw Erwin falling from his horse. Without thinking, you ran towards him. He was kneeling on the ground, gripping his blade tightly. You stumbled to his side, falling on your knees. Your lower lip was trembling, but you saw he was not bothered by his severe injury at all. That idiot put down his blade and stroke your cheek gently.

“You’re injured again.” he stated, smiling mildly at you.

You wanted to kick him somewhere really hard. “Stupid idiot, look at you. I took my eyes off you only for a moment and look what happened!” you slapped his chest, standing up, guarding his body.

Titans were wondering everywhere now. There was no opportunity to escape, no gap for you to retreat. You were losing precious time! Erwin’s arm was bitten off, he stopped the bleeding with a tourniquet. You had to hurry and properly treat him, otherwise he will die for sure!

“I told you not to fucking hazard!” you snapped at him.

“Commander! The Armored titan is coming!” yelled one soldier nearby.

Shit! Reiner was still after Eren. You paused, where was Eren anyway, if not with Reiner? You were with Ymir and Historia at the time they managed to rescue him.

“Where’s Eren?!” you asked, searching for him across the field. There! You stood nailed to the ground, unable to move, because what you saw was just unthinkable.

All titans, out of blue turned around and ran away from you, attacking one specific titan. Tearing its limbs and flesh away. Your mouth corners turned upwards, watching it with wide eyes. You saw Eren standing tall and commanding in the front. Did he just do this? He actually did what you were thinking right!? He somehow ordered the other titans to kill that one.

You could stand there and watch it all day, but you were quickly pulled from your dreaming. Now was your chance to get away. Putting your blades aside, you grabbed Erwin under his uninjured arm.

“All troops retreat! NOW!” you shouted in all directions and pulled Erwin up, helping him on his horse. You climbed on one as well and kicked him hard, forcing him to gallop.

Searching among the soldiers, you saw Eren with Mikasa riding one horse, just like Armin and injured Jean. Historia was behind with Connie.

You turned around for the last time to see Reiner, Bertolt and Ymir alone, fighting off the titans. For a few minutes, you were thinking about turning your horse and running to them.

You, probably only one with Ymir, could understand the situation they were in. They were just kids, probably ordered by someone. They were just another soldiers, obeying orders.

But you quickly pulled your gaze from them, looking forward. You were a soldier too and you had a place you called home. Right inside that ugly Walls. And you won’t let anyone destroy it. 

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

The formation arrived to the Wall Rose in the middle of the night, but only with less than half of members. The numbers of loses were devastating, but the mission was at least successful. Yet, your leader and Commander got hurt badly. And you were not in the best possible shape as well, but you had to be sure he was alright.

“Erwin!” you were kneeling beside him, letting him rest on your body, but he was losing consciousness due to the blood lose he suffered. “Erwin! Can you hear me?!” 

“COMMANDER!” screamed one soldier beside you.

“He passed out!!”

“Pick him up hurry! Move!”

You let them to carry him away. Nothing could be done here. You had to get him to the hospital. You wanted to get up, but your body resigned. Muscles stopped working and your ribs were burning. You fell to the ground with a loud thud.

“Vice-Captain!!”

“Hurry help me! We have to get her and the Commander to the hospital immediately!”

“No.” you said when two soldiers lifted your body. They stopped, all puzzled. “Take a party and go ahead with soldier’s who are in the worst shape. Including the Commander. I will be fine, I’m just exhausted.”

“But Sir! Your injuries…It’s a miracle you’re still standing!” protested one of them.

Armin and Eren rushed to you, soon the rest of the 104th followed. They were watching you lying on the ground. You could barely keep your eyes open. Like if someone was sucking your strength out from your body.

Tired. So goddamn tired. You just wanted to sleep and sleep. Dream about nothing at all. Be somehow awake, but still half asleep.

In the end, you nodded. But before they took you on the cart, you grabbed Armin’s hand. “Don’t let Historia out of your sight.” Armin nodded.

After than you drifted away.

_…Do you think we wanted to kill all those people...that we enjoyed it!!..._

It echoed in your mind all the time. While you were out, your brain threw at you many memories.

_…We know we shouldn’t ask you that, but we want to know how and why was our daughter killed…Her name was Alma…_

_…Don’t you dare to die, or hazard…_

_…Stay safe. Don’t do anything stupid…_

_…still so eager after me. You like older man or something?..._

Your eyes snapped open and you forced yourself to sit down in one quick motion, hands ready to strike and punch anyone near you.

“Easy there! Don’t be stupid.” Hange rushed at your side, calming you down.

You were breathing rapidly, scanning your surroundings. After some time, you realised you were in a hospital room. Hange was sitting on your bed now, stroking your back. She was in her pyjamas, head and arms wrapped in bandages.

You too were all wrapped in bandages. Suddenly your ribs kicked you because you moved so quickly. You whined and looked at Hange in confusion.

“Your ribs are broken and badly bruised. Just as some of your bones. You also had a concussion. You hit your head pretty hard again.” your friend explained.

“W-what about you?” you asked her, throat dry. You mouth felt like if you had been drinking booze with Mike for entire week.

“I’m fine. Just little burns and bruises, nothing to be afraid of.” she waved her hand in the air.

You grabbed her collar and forced her body against yours, hugging her. But you whined after the sharp pain buzzed through your body again. “I’m glad you’re fine. By the way, I told you I didn’t like that idea of getting near the Wall.” you threw at her.

Hange chuckled in guilt and nodded. “Well, I’m not entirely alone in this.” she scratched her head. “Anyway, you should rest. You’re exhausted and worn out.”

“Wait! For how long I’ve been out?”

“You rescued and came back with Eren yesterday at night. You’ve been sleeping for twenty-four hours, more or less.”

“What?! I slept all fucking day!” you winced and sighed. Massaging you’re your head slightly, to reduce the painful throbbing, you relaxed a little. “How’s Erwin?”

Hange’s gaze drifted on then floor, unable to see her eyes, you moved from the bed and got up. After you found some clothes, you changed into a simple white shirt and black suit pants. After you rolled your sleeves up and ran a hand through your hair, you gestured Hange to move.

She said nothing, only followed you out from the room and in the corridor started leading the way. On your way she slowed down and pointed at one door on the left. “Mike’s here.”

You nodded and walked forward. “Later.”

You were glad Mike was alright. Yeah, injured but alive. You wanted to see him since you left him in the Ehrmich District. But now was time to check on Erwin. You knew there was probability he won’t survive. His body might be strong, but the aftershock after such injury might be too much, even for him. Also, he could get any kind of infection in his wound, not to mention he had the tourniquet on the rest of his bitten arm for the whole journey back to the Wall.

Finally, you reached your destination and after Hange opened the door, both of you stepped slowly and silently inside. The only sources of light were candles, illuminating the room in orange light.

Standing above Erwin’s lying form, you sat on the edge of the bed. His face was twisted in pain and glistering in sweat, breathing heavily. He was having a hight fever. You moved a few strands of hair from his face and took a damp piece of cloth from the basin, which was set on the night table. After you washed his sweaty face, you turned and looked at Hange.

“Doctors said if he’s strong enough to beat the fever, he will be ok. For now, we can’t do anything else but wait.”

You took his hand into yours and squeezed it, thinking. Someone walked inside the room, but you don’t need to turn around to see who it was. You already knew, you recognised his light footsteps. 

You placed your palm flatly on your face and rubbed it, pinching your nose bridge you sighed. “It’s my fault.”

Hange’s eyes widen a little. “Why do you think that?” she asked puzzled.

“I screwed things up in enormous level.”

“Care to share what’s in that head of yours, brat?” Levi asked but you still couldn’t look at him.

“(F/N), nothing is your fault. Thanks to you, many managed to return back. You’re not responsible for Erwin’s injury. No one blames you.” Hange stated.

“I blame myself. If I wasn’t stupid earlier, I could easily guard Erwin on our way for Eren and nothing like this would have happened!” you pointed angrily at Erwin’s missing arm.

You got up and started pacing from right to left. Biting your lower lip in anger. You made a huge mistake and now you have to deal with the consequences. Fuck! If only you told her to stay safe on the Wall!

“Calm the fuck down.” Levi grabbed your shoulder and stopped you.

Finally, you looked at him. He looked tired, so tired and sad. You started reading his eyes. Confusion, anger and rage, a little bit of helplessness, and in the end worry and sadness.

Of course he would be sad and angry, because you fucked things up again! Unable to even guard your Commander, the man you promised you’ll die for, who was now lying in coma in this damn room.

But you had more pressing reason not to be by his side during the rescue mission. Historia was simply too important. Your brain slowly started putting the pieces of puzzles together and finally now you realised who Rod Reiss really was.

You grimaced when you remembered a certain tall raven-haired loud man. That fucking tall bastard with his ugly hat really gave you some hints. Not to mention he gave you pretty irritating migraines every time you met him in the past.

‘ _Stupid Ripper’_ you thought.

You shoved Levi’s hand away, as if his touch was burning your skin. His eyes widen and he frowned, resting his hand alongside his body.

“What stupid thing you think you did?” Hange broke the silence.

You bit your lower lip. “It’s just another bad coincidence. During the rescue mission I was busy guarding and keeping an eye on Historia.” you sighed. “The funniest thing is, that I personally allowed her go with us. If I told her to stay on the Wall with you Hange, I probably could protect Erwin better.”

For a while they said nothing, but you saw twitching in Levi’s eyes. You narrowed your gaze and lifted one eyebrow at him, sending him a clear hint to continue if he has anything to say.

“Is that brat really that important?” was his question.

“More than one could think.” you answered him without doubting.

“So, where’s the problem?” he continued.

You inhaled sharply, wincing because of the pain your ribs sent you. If Levi was trying to make you angry, well good work, because he was very successful. Right now, you wished you kicked his ass, instead of answering him.

“Well? I ask where’s the problem? You acted according to your knowledge and instinct.”

You saw red. Every muscle in your body tensed. You wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face.

“My fucking problem is lying on the bed in a coma!” you passed through your teeth angrily, but still in control.

“No, your problem is that you always think about what if you did things differently. Shit happens. You can’t blame yourself for every lost life or when someone gets hurt. You can’t change what happened, so rather be glad it wasn’t his head, what was bitten off.”

“Levi!” Hange snapped at him.

Levi was standing opposite you, his hands balled into fists, watching your reaction.

 _‘You should be caring for yourself damn it. Not for the others.’_ he wanted to say. You almost died again. You were badly hurt again. Every time you left, you only returned bloodied and injured. He could only sit, wait and hope that you would actually come back.

You couldn’t say anything for a while. Repeating his words over and over again, your gaze darkened a little. You held your chin hight, looking at him from above.

“I’m sorry than existence of my conscience is causing you such problems, Captain.” you said coldly, not even caring anymore. Seems like for him, everything you did meant nothing. “I completely forgot you don’t make mistakes.”

“Stop it.” he said.

Right now, you weren’t ready to hear his insults and mockery.

“Hange I need you and Armin tomorrow, to discuss some matters with you.” you simply turned your head to face Hange and smiled at her.

“(F/N) you’re not in good state to be walking around and working again. You have to rest.” she insisted, but you cut her off.

“If I will be crying over every broken bone in my body, then I will never be ready.” you commented and left the room.

“What the hell was that?!” Hange angrily paced to Levi’s side.

Levi just clicked with his tongue in annoyance and walked away from the spectacled woman.

“Levi!” she said with more force and for a moment, it startled him a little. Hange was always the reasonable one, well in these matters at least.

He stopped and she grabbed his shoulder. “Go and talk to her, now! We almost lost her again. She wanted to shut herself from us again and you just gave her the greatest push ever!”

Levi was still facing the door. “Let go.”

“Levi! It’s the way how she’s dealing with these things.”

“I said let go.” now he turned to face her. His eyes were full of guilt and sorrow. Under his eyes were big swollen black circles, he looked like he hasn’t slept for at least three days in a row.

“Don’t tell me you’re pushing her away?” Hange gasped and finally let go of his arm.

He immediately used the opportunity and left the room, leaving there poor Hange confused and troubled.

She sighed and closed her eyes. “What to do now Erwin, tell me. Because I have no idea how to help them.” 

Levi knew exactly where you went. And he had no intention to follow you. The only thing he wanted was to forget. Forget the pain and worry, forget how angry he was and how much he wanted to grab you, threw you on the bed and force you to rest in his arms.

When he arrived into his room, he locked the door and sat behind his desk. From a drawer he pulled out a bottle of some disgusting liquor and poured himself a glass. Without thinking he drank the whole glass in one go, only to refill it again.

Now he just remembered what Mike told him. It made him even more angry then before.

_Back in Ehrmich District_

Levi was leading Minister Nick through the crowd towards the medical tents. After you and Hange’s squad left to find the rest of Mike’s squad with members of 104th, he decided to check on Mike.

“Really? Do I look like I’m dying that you brought someone from the Church here?” Mike grunted at Levi, while he and Minister stepped inside the tent.

“You definitely look like shit.” Levi stated.

“Charming as usual.”

“So?” Levi’s face gained some seriousness.

Mike squeezed his eyes and sighed. “I will manage somehow, but I need time. The doctors don’t give me much chances in fighting but screw them. I will be the one who says I can’t fight anymore.” he smiled a little. “(F/N) saved me just in time.”

Now Mike looked around as if he was looking for you.

“She left with Hange and the brats from 104th, to find the rest of your squad and one important person for our investigation.” Levi explained, informing his friend about things that happened recently. “She mentioned you met one specific titan. What happened?”

Mike tensed, but he knew Levi will ask sooner or later. He eyed Minister Nick suspiciously, but Levi nodded.

“Don’t worry, this man is as good in keeping secrets as a dead man.”

“On our way back to the Walls, me and (F/N) fought with a group of titans to gave the others opportunity to escape. But there was a weird titan, covered in fur like a beast. He grabbed my horse and threw it on us, I slipped from the roof and one small shitty titan got me. (F/N) killed it, but that Beast titan came to us.” Mike paused and inhaled sharply. “He was asking about our 3DM gear.”

Levi froze and for a moment couldn’t comprehend what Mike said. “He what?”

“He was talking. Acting like a human. At first, we were both shocked, but later, (F/N) was having an ordinary conversation with him. He wanted to know what our weapon was. (F/N) made a sort of a deal with him, if she shows him how it works, he will let us go. After she killed the rest of the titans around, he took my gear and left.”

Levi needed a moment to understand it all. “Oi, oi, where did that titan go after that?”

“Don’t know. But (F/N) figured it out and honestly, now I think it as well, that he was another titan shifter, just like Eren is. But there’s one problem.” Mike growled.

Levi and Minister Nick were shocked again, after Mike explained them the whole conversation again properly. He told Levi about your idea that he was from the outside world. It made sense to Levi somehow, even if he couldn’t believe it. Then Mike told him the rest and how they got back here.

_Present_

He was so glad you were alright, that you were alive. When that Garrison soldier ran to them in Trost and told them about the attack and Eren’s kidnapping, he couldn’t even think straight. All he wanted was to rush to find you and made sure you were ok. Again, after so long, he was scared. He was afraid he lost someone dear to him again, someone who he loved.

Levi was nursing his third drink now. It was late at night, a little past midnight. His cravat was gone, his jacket was hanging behind the chair, shirt sleeves pulled up, first three buttons of his shirt unbuttoned. 

He wasn’t drunk, thanks to his tolerance, he doesn’t get drunk anyway. But he felt the alcohol burning his throat and heating his body. Or was it because he was thinking about you. Why was he thinking about you again?

Shit.

You were everywhere. Your voice, your scent. Everyone was talking about you now. You could hardly hide your existence now. All soldiers who survived the rescue mission or the event when Eren was kidnapped, were talking about you. They were admiring your fighting skills, or how competent leader you were. How you cared for the others.

But some soldiers saw you more as a picture of their desires even. Right when he was on his way in Erwin’s room, he heard a pair of young soldiers speaking out their lustful and pervy thoughts about you.

Levi slammed empty glass down on the desk. You had beautiful eyes, smile and features. You were taller than Levi, taking a breath away with your long slender toned legs. Not to mention how strong, smart and clever you were. He was always fascinated by your ways of thinking and how you could read anyone like an open book. It was only natural that other men would be talking about you. It was natural. Levi kept repeating this to himself.

But still, it made him so angry. Yet, he stopped his anger and asked himself.

_‘Why am I so angry about it. She hates me still, more importantly she’s not mine. So why the fuck I keep acting like she is?’_

_Because you love her_ , was the answer he got every time he asked.

And because he loves you, he needs to push you away. Well, he tried and wanted to, but he regretted his words immediately after he said them. After he saw your eyes glistering. But it was too late to apologise.

When things became so complicated and why? Shit!

Now was not the time for these things, you both agreed on that. Yet, he was somehow stacked in one place. Unable to move forwards, only to watch you from afar. And it was eating him from the inside.

“Fuck it all!” he cursed and stood up.

Walking his way to Mike’s room.

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

You looked at Erwin’s sleeping body one last time and closed the door behind you. As if your legs were on fire, you ran towards Mike’s room. Well, at least you tried to run. Without knocking you slipped inside, eyes adjusting to the lowly illuminated room. Only candles were lit here, keeping some sort of light, some assuring sort of security.

You tiptoed to the bed. Mike was lying on his back, one hand placed on his stomach, other behind his head. He seemed to be asleep, but when you noticed how his nose twitched, you smiled. He knew you were here with him. Without opening his eyes, he lifted his arm, which rested on his stomach. You took the hint and carefully curled down next to him on the bed, your head lying on his shoulder. He hugged you around your shoulders and pull you closer.

You thanked that they gave him bigger bed, for his huge body to be comfortable enough.

“Mike,” you started and he opened his tired eyes, greeting you properly. “Your squad…” you stopped suddenly because you had no idea how to continue. 

Mike only pulled you closer. “I know.”

You bit your lover lip. “Those five names on my list.” you followed.

Yet he nodded again. “I know.”

“And Erwin.”

“I know everything.” he kissed your forehead and you only snuggled more to him.

Letting tears flow freely, you grabbed his shirt and squeezed the fabric. You knew you were acting like a small baby, crying like that. But you just couldn’t help it, not now. It was too much for you to handle. Everything what happened. Mike’s injury, dead of Nanaba and other squad members. The truth about Reiner and Bertolt, alongside with Ymir and Historia. Erwin’s injury and now a red cherry on top of it all, Levi’s cold words and behaviour.

You would rather be fighting those titans Erwin lured at Reiner again, instead of speaking with Levi right now.

Mike never judged you, never thought you were weak because you were crying, he just held you and soothed you. And you were thankful for it.

“I’m so sorry.” you muffled your voice into his chest.

“I’m too. How do you feel?” he changed the subject. He was mourning his team members, but now you were here with him, he had to make sure you were fine.

“Hungry, angry, tired, sad, also grateful and confused. Hungry because I ate thirty hours ago. Angry in general, but a small black-haired idiot just added more oil into the flame. Tired of everything, especially thinking. Sad because of our friends and grateful because you’re listening and letting me babble to you my stupid thoughts.” you updated him about your status.

“What about being confused?”

“I need to figure it out later. There’s so many mysteries and for some, I even have the right answers, but I need to be sure.”

Mike only hummed at that answer, it made sense. “And what did that stupid raven-haired idiot this time?”

You clenched your fists and sighed. “Told me the truth, unfortunately. About me being stupid that I keep thinking about what if scenarios.”

“Huh. Levi came to me in Ehrmich District. I told him about your little chat with that Beast titan. Hange heard it too, when I told her, she almost fainted from enthusiasm.”

You chuckled. “That’s our Hange.”

“What Levi said is true though. You can think about things like that, but don’t blame yourself afterwards. Ok?”

“I know, but still…”

“Hear this then. What if you never returned into the Corps?” Mike paused, giving you opportunity to look at him. “I would be dead by now (F/N), I’m alive thanks to you. And not only me, you saved many more.”

You nodded and laid down again.

You wanted to sleep really, but again, your brain decided otherwise. Every time you closed your eyes and tried to sleep, images of dead people hunted your mind. You could just stand there and listen their screaming.

But you couldn’t care less. Who’s dead is dead to you. Besides, dead people won’t hurt you. Only the living can.

You stayed for another hour. When Mike fell asleep, you decided to go. He need his rest and you had work that needs to be done.

After fetching your traveling journal from your hospital room, your legs carried you in the library. No one was there. It was completely silent, just like you wanted. In the far away corner of the library was a huge table full of unclassified books. After you moved them away and cleaned the table, you started writing your reports.

Four to be exact.

The first was explaining the event when Mike spotted the group of titans and you acted like if the Wall Rose had been breached. The second about finding remaining members of the 104th Training Corps. The third one, was about Bertolt’s and Reiner’s attack and Eren’s kidnapping and finally the fourth, about the rescue mission.

Quickly scribing with your chicken writing, you were finished.

Now, the real thing you came here for.

Investigation.

Levi lightly opened the door leading in Mike’s room. Frowning, he sat on the nearby chair and sighed.

You weren’t here? He was sure you’ll come here after visiting Erwin.

Mike opened his tired eyes lazily and growled.

“Is there a line waiting on the corridor or what? You guys are circling like hawks here.”

Levi didn’t get it. So, he threw at Mike his deadpan face.

“First (F/N), later came Hange again and now you. Isn’t Erwin already standing by the door too?”

“Amusing, really.” Levi clicked with his tongue.

“She was here for a while. I fell asleep and woke up not so long ago. Hange was here, reading some of her books. She left like ten minutes ago.”

“Any idea where (F/N) went?”

Mike raised his body on his elbows. “I’m not sure if the two of you speaking together right now is a good idea. But I’m sure she’s still up somewhere.”

Levi buried his face into his palms, growling in frustration.

“Let her cool down for now. Just like she let you. Did drinking solved anything?” when Levi eyed him suspiciously, Mike only tapped on his nose. “Can smell the alcohol.”

“How can you read her so well?” Levi asked in defeat. 

Mike sighed and laid down. “Because I actually listen to her. When she’s angry or sad, I try to see things from her point of view. She’s angry at you, not because of what you said, though she admitted it was true. But she’s pissed how and when you said it. Probably in the worst possible moment.”

“I just couldn’t stand it anymore and blew up a little.”

“I know. Can imagine why. But you have to tell her.”

_Talking titan…titan shifter, who can command other titans…the Beast titan…_

“If I was right and the Wall Rose isn’t breached, those titans from the south came with the Beast titan. He somehow brought them there. But how in the hell they appeared behind the Wall?” you were talking to yourself.

It was better than saying it in your head. It helped you to sort your thoughts out. 

“The beast titan is surely a titan shifter. But who’s inside? Why is he here now and what does he want? Taking Mike’s gear like that. Why?” you continued.

Your reports were lying in the corner on the table, forgotten. Now, you were writing on different papers, scattered on the table top. Writing something here, some thoughts there. After picking up one sheet, you frowned.

You pulled your traveling journal closer and flipped through some pages, searching.

Found it.

… _Investigation of Miss Alma’s murder 847…_

Three years ago, you were investigating circumstances of Miss Alma’s murder. It was an old event, but her parents found you and asked you in secret about this case. Though they addressed you two years after their daughter disappearance and murder, you managed to complete the case investigation.

More or less.

“Now, everything make sense.” you whispered to yourself.

It was really late now, you were tired and sleepy, but you didn’t want to leave yet.

Writing some notes again, you heard that someone opened the door and walked inside. Your body stilled. Quietly, you were listening, then you squeezed your eyes shut and grimaced.

_‘Good Gods, this is going to be bothersome.’_

Pinching your nose, you sighed. “If you’re not here to discuss our duties, you may as well take your leave, Captain.”

From behind the bookshelves, Levi walked out, hands in his pockets, unreadable expression on his face. Even for you, he was now completely locked up.

You immediately bit your lip, pulling your eyes down on the papers. Fuck! Your heart started beating faster now, hands sweaty and you felt a strange wave of heat washed over your form. Usually, you never did this, drooling over his appearance, but now you just couldn’t help it. Now he was way too good looking for you not to notice. The way he was looking at you. The way he was standing there in front of you. His slightly unbuttoned, tight, well-fitting shirt, rolled sleeves. Well, shit.

 _‘But you don’t have time for this crap, do you?’_ echoed in your head. On that you could only mentally nod.

“How did you know it was me?” he asked.

“Footsteps. You have too light footsteps.” you commented and waited for him to say something, but he didn’t so you followed. “But seriously, say something or leave. I’m angry and have to finish this work.” you pointed on the table top in a circling motion.

“I’m angry too.”

“I know. That’s why I don’t want to talk to you right now.” finally you looked at him again. “I thought Mike told you that.”

How the hell did you know that? Levi chuckled and walked to you. You really were something else. “Yes, he told me. But I need you to know why I’m angry.” he grabbed your hand into his.

But you pulled away from his grasp and lifted your palm to stop him.

“Don’t bother yourself Captain. I know everything I do is not enough for you.”

Levi inhaled sharply, grabbed your shoulders and pinned your back angrily against your chair. The chair you were sitting on, squealed as it was forcefully turned. If you hadn't grab his arms, you would probably fall from it.

“What are you…” you half screamed at him, but he didn’t let you finish.

“How can you think something so stupid!?” Levi snapped at you.

You quickly regained yourself and tried to push him away. “And what else I’m supposed to be thinking! The only thing you do is that you’re mocking me and say how stupid I’m!”

“Not true! (F/N)! For once in your life stop being stupid and think about yourself for a fucking moment! I almost lost you four times already! Do you have any idea how I feel, when I have to sit on my ass and wait!?”

Everything around you froze. Time stopped. You couldn’t think for a few minutes. What did he say? Did you hear him right?

“W-What the hell are you talking about!?” you grabbed his collar and angrily pulled him closer to you. And then you noticed. His breath. He was drinking! He’s drunk, that’s why he’s saying things like that!

“Let go off me!” you growled in anger.

“(F/N) listen to me. I…”

“No!” this time you didn’t let him finish his sentence. “Get the hell out! You’re drunk!”

“You know I can hardly get drunk.” Levi leaned closer to you. “Yes, I was drinking but to cool off because I was angry. But not at you.”

Right. You never saw him drunk. He could drink the whole barrel himself and nothing. But still, he doesn’t make any sense.

“Even if you’re not drunk, I don’t understand what you want.”

Levi clicked with his tongue and in second, his head was resting on your chest, arms curled around your body and he was kneeling on one knee in front of you. Hugging you! What?

Then you realised what he said. He was afraid you would die, that’s why he was angry. You bit your lip and exhaled loudly.

“Now I know why.” you stated and pulled him a little closer.

Levi wanted to oppose you. To say that he was angry at those soldiers as well, but decided not to. This was good, for now. He told you what he wanted this time and you understood.

You smiled mildly and leaned your face closer to his ear. Patting and soothing his hair gently, you probably ruined the mood, but you had to say it.

“You look like shit. You should go to sleep.”

“You shouldn’t be speaking brat, look at yourself.”

Surprised that he didn’t let go, you smiled and decided to be like this for a little longer. You knew this wasn’t changing anything, you still had your duties, but now you were happy. 

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

It was late in the morning. The Sun was warming the ground, wind was clearing the air and you were finally able to sit pleasantly and relax inside Pixis’s office. Holding a sheet of paper, you were waiting for your uncle to finish his reading, so you could give him another sheet.

“Are you sure about this?” Pixis frowned.

“Yes, with this matter I’m sure. All tracks and hints are pointing at the Military Police.”

“Well, about Largo, you were also right. He really was just a pawn. The game is getting much bigger now.”

You shifted in your seat and hissed a little because of the pain. “I hope I won’t be right again, but if my suspicious is right, I know where to look for some answers.”

“I’m afraid if you already suspect someone, it’s odd for you not to be right.” after you handed him the last paper, he didn’t start reading right away, he was just watching you.

“What’s wrong uncle?” you smiled at him, you already knew why he was so intensively staring at you.

He was humming, as if thinking carefully how to say what was on his mind.

“I’m concerned for your safety. Don’t worry, I won’t force you to change your mind, but Hoffer and the other members of the Special Investigating Squad were sweeping the tracks leading to you. Someone’s after you and I’m afraid with Erwin like this, the Corps can’t protect you. Only if you let me…”

“No.” you politely stopped him. You knew for some time now, that this will happen sooner or later. Doing dirty work and investigation is a dangerous job, but you don’t care.

“I won’t let you. They are after me and I won’t put you in danger as well. We agreed on this when I joined the SIS, that I will hide my identity. You’re far too important.” you chuckled and laughed. “Besides, I’m the one who should be concerned. You’re not drinking at all.”

Pixis grimaced. “Anka’s fault. She’s young lovely lady, but with manners of a supervisor. She took away all my bottles.” his mouth corners twitched.

You couldn’t help it. Laughing, you hid your face in your palms. After a while you got up for your side bag. When you picked it up a clinking sound filled the room. Inside the bag were bottles of fine red wine. One after one, you put them on the Commander’s table.

“I promised these to the Garrison soldiers who saved me after the 57th expedition on the Wall.” you smiled bittersweetly and pulled one more bottle, still holding it in your hand, staring at it. “And this one was supposed to be for Hannes.”

You placed that bottle in front of Pixis, he also smiled, sadness filling his eyes.

“I’ll pass these to them all.” he nodded and took Hannes’s bottle and opened it. 

“Thank you.”

“(F/N), there you are.” Hange waved at you in the corridor when you returned. “I was wondering where you went. I managed to gather Armin. Ready for our research?” she exhaled enthusiastically.

You clenched your fists and threw them in the air. “Sure! Hurry.”

“Look at you, someone is impatient! I like that!” she laughed loudly.

You joined her, but soon gained some seriousness. “I got some other shits to do tonight.”

“What?” she stopped walking and looked at you in puzzlement. You grabbed her hand and dragged her away from the corridor, stepping right inside the room you were heading.

Once you closed the door, you found Armin, Eren and Mikasa sitting at the table, waiting.

“What are you doing here?” you asked looking at Eren and Mikasa. “Mikasa, you should be in the hospital.” you pointed at her.

She just lifted her eyebrow at you and said with her deadpan voice. “You too.”

Chuckling, your eyebrows twitched.

“We came here with Armin. Wondering if we could help you somehow.” Eren announced.

You folded your arms on your chest and nodded. “Good, it will be faster.”

The door opened again and Levi walked inside. Said nothing, only sat on a chair at the table. You placed your side bag on the table and took the papers out, sitting next to Armin.

“Ok, with what do you want to start?” you asked Hange, sorting the paper pile.

“Your little chat with that Beast titan!” she exhaled.

You grimaced. “I knew it.” you cleverly took one sheet from the pile and handed it to her. “Here, our conversation.”

She snatched it from your hand hungrily, almost tearing the paper apart. She was reading with a pure interest, nodding occasionally and holding her chin.

“Brother? Really?” Levi looked at you, while reading with Hange. After she and Levi finished reading, you handed the paper to Armin and the others to read it as well.

“Don’t laugh. I usually call Mike that way and you know that.” you shrugged your shoulders. “But that titan shifter was also taken aback by it. It was probably nothing, but for me it was weird.”

“But it’s still surprising that this titan shifter could speak while being in his titan form.” Armin nodded. “I mean, not even Eren can do that. It’s the first time we heard titan speak.”

“Well, it’s not actually true.” Hange faced Armin and handed him Ilse Langnar’s journal. “Read this.”

All three gasped. “What?” they were surely more surprised about the name Ymir, than what that titan said. 

“I know. I was thinking about this for a while. But what matters now is that titans can speak. Or at least some are able to.” you carried on. “What about you Eren, have you ever tried? Speaking in your titan form, I mean?”

“I never actually thought about it when I was in my titan form.”

“Great! We can add this to my list of experiments.” Hange wrote it down.

You smirked and looked at Eren. “Well, I really don’t envy you that.”

Hange’s list was in no way short.

“Connie mentioned something about talking titan too.” Mikasa stated.

“Connie?” 

She nodded and went on. “When we returned after the rescue mission, he mentioned his village was destroyed by titans. He did say something about talking titan.”

“Where is his village located?” Hange asked.

“Ragako. South from the Wall Rose.” you stated. “Titans came from the south.” you said. And then it hit you. “Find Connie, bring him here.” you gestured to Eren and he obligated. Mikasa followed him without questions.

“I want to see his village.” Hange said, thinking about the same thing like you.

“Yeah, me too.”

Once Connie arrived you and Hange told him about your plan to visit his village. You noticed how sorrowful and upset he was.

It was decided then, you and Connie, will go tomorrow alongside with Hange’s squad to Village Ragako.

You wanted to continue but Hange showed you her list of planned experiments she wanted to try with Eren and your research soon became completely forgotten. Then Armin, you and Hange were chatting and talking about titans and about that huge titan inside the Wall Rose.

Armin soon started thinking out loud how possibly were the Walls build and the discussion went on and on without stopping.

Later Eren was lying on the desk, using his arms as pillows. Mikasa was sitting next to him, eyes closed and her head was falling occasionally, as she was falling asleep. Levi soon gave up as well. He was siting sideways on a chair, head thrown aback, elbows were resting on the desk, eyes also closed. He wasn’t sleeping though, just resting. 

But your conversation and research went on. You and Armin told Hange about Eren’s commanding attack on one titan. He somehow managed to control other titans as well. All three of you were taking some notes and continued chatting.

But once you looked out from the window you froze and cursed. The Sun was slowly but surely setting behind the horizon. 

“Shit!” you cursed a little too much loudly, you rose from your seat, waking everyone asleep here and received some confused looks.

“The hell, it’s already that late! I have to go! Hange see you tomorrow and don't you dare continue with Armin without me! I also don’t know when I will return tonight. Probably will in the morning! Bye for now!”

You stormed outside without another words. Levi and Hange were both gaping like fishes out of water, eyeing each other in confusion.

“What the…? Where did she run off so quickly?” Levi rubbed his nape.

Hange tilted her head on a side. “Beats me. But it seems important.”

“Great. We don’t even know where to look for her if something happens.” Levi clicked with his tongue but let it go. You were not some small kid.

“Nah, she’s fine on her own.” Hange stretched her arms and looked at Armin.

He eyed her fishily and shook with his head. “I would rather wait for (F/N) to come back.”

“We will, don’t worry. But about my experiments, we can tell her later. What do you say Armin! Come on!” she laughed crazily.

You ran inside your room and took spare civil clothes. Just some black trousers, white shirt and black jacket. From a drawer you took black colour, to dye your hair with it. After successfully dying your hair black, you took your side bag with some papers, your journal and left for the stables.

Squealing with joy, you ran to your horse buddy. He stood proudly in his stable box, watching other horses like their boss. But once he saw you, he dumbly started shaking with his butt and head.

A dog, really.

“My buddy! How have you been! Did they treat you well?” you rubbed his neck furiously, earning from him a loud neigh. “Let’s go. But we have to be careful outside.”

Outside of the barracks, it was chaos. People were starting to be impatient and irritated. Because of the evacuation, people from the Wall Rose zone, had to move inside the inner circles into safety.

But such hight number of refuges like this caused nothing more than trouble. That’s one of the reasons you dyed your hair. Not to be recognised as a soldier from the Survey Corps and because you knew someone was after you.

Using your jacket’s hood, you more or less hid your face, hair pulled down, showing your messy long black tresses. Of course, someone might recognise you, but he would have to be really close to you. 

Riding the usual route, after some hours you arrived in the town. Streets were full of beggars and children. Some even without their parents or guardians. You clenched your teeth and jumped off your horse. Walking around the town, continuing your way, you noticed how were people scanning your form. Tension was present everywhere.

Once you finally arrived in front of a familiar building and tied your horse behind, you slipped inside the house. No lights, no one was behind the bar or in the main room. Not even upstairs, which was weird. The furniture was on its place, no sights of fighting and struggling.

At least one of them should be here if the door were unlocked. What happened?

A trap. You realised.

Pulling out a knife, you were prepared. Listening quietly, you heard someone breathing, you even felt someone’s presence here. Moving outside the main room, you slipped behind the bar and hid your bag inside the bar table.

Waiting patiently, you stayed where you were.

Footsteps.

Finally, mysterious fellow decided to move from his hiding place.

By footsteps, you could tell this was a man. The way how was the wooden floor cracking under his weight indicated that this wasn’t Ralf. This man was much bigger than your slender ginger haired friend. You could easily say that it wasn’t Brook either, Brook was far heavier than this man.

Last option was Mire. But you weren’t sure about it.

He was getting closer. Closer.

Now!

You jumped from behind the bar and kicked his head with you shoe, but he dodged your attack. But you were not done yet. You tripped his legs, as he fell on the ground, you turned him with force by his shoulder. Lying on his stomach, you knelt beside him and placed your knife on his neck.

“Don’t move. Or your blood will dye this floor.” you warned him coldly.

The floor cracked violently again as another man ran after you. You barely rolled away from them both.

Shit! You haven’t noticed he had a company.

A punch landed on your face. After the impact, your back hit the wall, just when the man moved closer and stretched out his arm, you squatted and moved away, so he punched the wall behind you instead.

Growling, he turned around, but it was too late. Kicking him roughly in his stomach, he fell on his knees. One more kick and his body collapsed on the floor, knocked out. The other guy found your knife and while you were occupied with his partner, he cut your right arm.

You hissed and grabbed your bleeding arm. You were too tired already. After your injuries, you were glad you took that one, but this one will be a problem. Breathing deeply, you stepped away from him.

You heard knife cutting the air in front of you. Waiting for his arm to ger closer to you, you grabbed his wrist and turned it until you heard a bone snap. It was quick and he seemed not to realise it, but he lost his feeling in his hand and your knife fell on the floor. You kicked him with your knee, once he was bend, you elbowed his nape and then punched him with all your strength left.

You both collapsed on the floor.

Coughing, you couldn’t breathe properly. Your nose was bleeding and your lip was cut from the punch. To your horror, the main door opened and closed. Multiple footsteps were getting closer.

In a hurry, you crawled away from the scene like a worm. Hidden behind a bookshelf, waiting. You covered your mouth and nose with your hand, to muffle and silence your loud unsteady breathing.

“What the hell happened here?” asked one man.

“Oh!” you gasped. You wanted to cry and laugh at the same time now. You crawled from your hiding place and screamed.

“Brook! I’m here!”

“(F/N)?!”

You whined when Brook picked you up from the ground and placed you on a small couch in the main room. Mire was beside you in a second.

“Tight them up!” you said and growled when you had to gulp your own blood because of your broken nose.

Again! Why your nose every time! Now you were more than pissed. Furious was an easy statement even.

“What happened here?” Brook asked while he took off your jacket and tore your shirt sleeve off to get better access to your wound.

“I slipped inside. The door was unlocked so I thought at least one of you would be here, but it was dark and silent here.” you hissed when Brook pressed a piece of your torn shirt on the cut to stop the bleeding. “These two were waiting here, first this guy moved and then the second appeared. But I think no one else is here.”

“No one’s upstairs.” informed Mire when he returned with a big towel and basin of hot water.

You kicked your boots off. “Fuckers! That was my favourite jacket!”

“Not to mention they got your nose again.” mentioned Ralf, when he was done with tying those two up, he sat on the armchair opposite you.

“I know! Looks like my nose is a fucking target on my face.” you coughed again. Mire handed you a handkerchief and reached his hand on your nose. With a small warning, he snapped your nose back to its place.

“AUCH!” you yelled and pressed the handkerchief under your nose. “Thanks.” 

“The cut’s not so deep, but it’s long. Do you want to stitch it up?”

“No. I have to be operational. I would definitely tear the stitches apart.”

“We heard you almost died behind the Walls.” Ralf mentioned. “Not only once. What is happening (F/N)?”

“It’s one big chaos. Talking titans, more titan shifters and now this.” you pointed at the two men.

“We managed to shake one party down two days ago. But they are persistent.” said Brook when he was wrapping your arm with bandages.

“Hmm, I wanted to find out who was following me anyway. But not like this! Fuck it all. I can’t even stand properly now. And I have to return back tonight or in the morning.”

“We’re going to get you back in the barracks tonight. We have to move somewhere else. They were waiting for us here. Do you think we can use the Corps as a hideout for a while?” Mire commented and asked.

“Erwin is still in a coma. I don’t know how much he told the others about our agreement, but I think Hange will allow it. For as long as you need.” you assured them.

“Yes, we heard about his injury. It had to be drastic.”

“It was the worst mission I was on so far for sure.” you nodded. “What about you?”

“We cleared the Underground from Largo’s pawns, but we still don't know for whom he was working for. Later we were patrolling and helping the Garrison soldiers and were gaining more information. And now we’re investigating who’s following you and the Commander of the Survey Corps. Someone is sniffing information about you two and we don’t like it.”

“Pixis gave us another work, observe the situation inside now overpopulated Districts and the Underground City, where the most refugee ended. The situation is not very good. People are nervous and angry, no conflict happened so far, but it’s like a boiling pot, you never know when it will foam.”

“I can imagine. It must be horrible for these people. But they can’t return yet. We still have to confirm if the Wall is really in one piece. Now when the Colossus titan and the Armored titan are outside somewhere, we have to be careful.”

“I was hoping that I won’t be fighting with any titan, but the situation is really shitty.” Ralf sighed.

“We should pack our things. We have still time before these two will wake up.” Mire suggested and Brook with Ralf left the main room. “You should sleep for a while, you’re a total mess. Once I’m finished packing mine and your stuff I’ll come back.” he patted your head.

You hummed and closed your eyes. “Hurry up then.”

For a while you were watching the intruders, thinking who they were. You saw their faces somewhere, but couldn’t remember where. Really, you hit your head too many times now, your perfect memory failed you.

Soon, after you closed your eyes, you felt as someone lifted your upper body and sat down on the couch, placing your head on his lap. Mire pulled some hair from your face and gently ran his fingers through them. Now you were able to relax.

TBC

**Author's Note:**

> Attack on Titan/ Shingeki no Kyojin belongs to its rightful owner and creator Hajime Isayama.


End file.
